man flirting with a woman

How to Avoid Over Pursuing a Woman for Sex

In the modern world pursuing a woman in dating has always been left to the man. This isn’t a new cultural phenomenon. With the start of romanticism – artistic, literary, musical and intellectual movement that originated in Europe towards the end of the 18th century – men began to pride themselves in their ability to charm and seduce women. Soon hundreds of books, poems, and plays were written about the subject of romantic pursuits.

While most dating experts agree that men are natural hunters and therefore should be the ones to initiate any romantic ventures there is a right way and a wrong way to pursue a woman.

Know What You Want

Even though society sees pursuing a woman as a man’s job there is a way that a man can over pursue making him come across as less masculine. To avoid over pursuing a woman to the point where you seem desperate, needy, or clingy you have to get clear on what you want.

If you want to have sex with a beautiful woman that you see, simply because she’s beautiful then you have to be honest with yourself.

First, ask yourself:
Do I want to have sex with this woman or do you just want to have sex?

Next, ask yourself:
Do I want to have sex with this woman because she is attractive or because she looks easy?

Last, ask yourself:
What are the chances that this woman wants to have sex with me?

These questions are important because if you are just interested in having sex and any attractive woman will do then your approach should be simple. You have to design a plan that works along with your interest and not her interest. That means getting a woman’s number and inviting her over to your place, or getting her to invite you to her place.

If you aren’t alone together then sex isn’t going to happen – unless you have another location in mind.

The point being, if the woman isn’t into having sex with you then you move on to another. Based on your answers, if you just want to have sex then there is no reason to pursue past a few flirty texts or a phone call to set up a meeting location. If you are convinced that you need to do more to impress this woman in order for her to have sex with you then you will know that by answering the questions above.

If you don’t ask yourself these questions then you start the pursuit without clear boundaries. This gives the woman license to start making demands, requests, or suggestions. Now you have to decide if you are going to comply. Because you think that sex is possible you start to do what the woman asks not realizing that she is asking for more and more and more.

Because you weren’t clear on what you wanted in the first place, you lost sight of the cost that you were willing to pay to get it. You start to over pursue because instead of setting a clear boundary such as: if this woman won’t come over, I’ll move on. You instead negotiate tactics like; maybe if we have drinks first then she will come over.

The moment you ask and answer these three questions, you’ll know exactly what your next move should be. If you just want to have sex with an attractive woman then your responsibility is to be attractive enough that you can find a willing participant. If you struggle to get women you meet, maybe on Tinder or another dating app, to come to your place for casual sex then you know that it’s not your pursuit that is failing, it’s your approach.

If you find a specific woman that you want to have sex with and you are interested in connecting with her then you have to investigate what she requires. That doesn’t mean that you do it. It just means that you put out feelers to see what type of expectations she has and if you are willing to give her what she wants.

If you haven’t answered the question, what are the chances that this woman will have sex with you:
a.) If you do what she requires
b.) If you don’t

Knowing the chances you have with women gives you an advantage. You can avoid the risk of overpursuing because whatever you do might not be enough and you know that going into the process. You have to know a little about the types of women that are out there to avoid this.  You also have to be clear on if sex is your goal or if you are trying to have sex with a specific woman that you find interesting and sexy.

Know Why You Want It

Sex is fun and exciting but pursuing sex for the wrong reasons can lead to over pursuing a woman – making you come across as low value and unattractive. No woman wants a man that isn’t desirable and she will judge your confidence with a series of tests. If you are too insensitive, like not vetting her to see if she is a quality woman then she will assume that you are playing a numbers game and are lazy or inexperienced, and just relying on odds instead of charm to get women.

If you want sex for sport then consider how important technique and skill are when acquiring a woman’s attention. If you want sex to validate your manliness or to satisfy an insecurity then you will likely come across women who have more game than you. These women will sense your insecurity and start to dangle the possibility of sex in front of you and you’ll fall for it because you are unsure of yourself. You begin to over pursue because you think she is interested in you but she is simply testing you.

Know Your Strategy

Having a strategy in dating is the same as having standards. You give a little when the other person gives a little. Everyone has goals, men and women. If your goal is to have sex then your strategy should be straight forward and honest. You can try deception and pretend that you are interested in a relationship but that tactic is very weak minded and insecure.

As an adult man, if you have something of value to give a woman then offer it.

The right woman will be interested and you’ll have a good time. If you think you can only get what you want through deception – in that she has to read the very fine print not to feel taken advantage of – then you are not bringing enough value to the table.

If you have anything that a woman wants then the task is just to find the right woman. Your strategy should be simply to attract and vet potential sexual partners. Once you confirm your strategy you can set your boundaries and stick to them. Once you have your own standards, you won’t run the risk of over pursuing a woman for sex. You won’t do what she wants because you will know what you want.

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