There is no reason to beat around the bush. The reason that you don’t have a boyfriend is because you are too available.
Human beings like choice but are also overwhelmed by it. A man wants to know that he has worked for his choice, and that at any time it could slip away. For women who are too available a man has a hard time choosing her. Not because there is anything wrong with her. This is simple biology.
Think of a high intensity workout. The goal is to increase the heartbeat to a high level over a short amount of time. This is what dating is like for men. They need bursts of adrenaline that comes from insecurity before they can make a choice. Ever wonder why men don’t shop sales, or need to get a good deal when they know exactly what they want. Although there are other options, and maybe even cheaper ones, they will choose impulsively and then reinforce their choice because that is how the brain works.
What does this mean?
The man that you want must get a burst of adrenaline when he is with you and the feeling that he wants you but cannot have you. No matter how brief this feeling is, it will build a connection between you that will lead to eventual commitment. Just like in a workout, if he doesn’t reach this peak adrenaline rush, he will feel that you are available and not an achievement.
He will feel that he ‘has’ you and then continue to see what is out there.
The difference between men and women is that women want to feel chosen. They want that lightning flash moment where a man decides, or knows, that this is the woman for him. That is what women do with men. They get that ‘love at first sight’ feeling, and they want the man to know that she has picked him. The problem is, men don’t care about that.
It’s the difference between putting a ticket in a basket and getting lucky, versus being strategic and winning with skill.
Men commit to women who give them the feeling that it took skill to win them over. Put another way, consider the rush you get when you think you might be late, or when you think you have lost your wallet. At that moment this is the most important thing in your life. When you find it, you are overjoyed. It’s not like you don’t have your wallet everyday, or that you are never on time, but the adrenaline rush focuses you on that moment and that object. All of a sudden, it is the only thing that matters. Dating is just like this.
You need to create high intensity moments with men that will make you seem like the most important thing in their world, even if just for a moment. This is what leads to the long term commitment that you desire.
So why don’t women do this? More importantly, why don’t you do this?
It is likely that when you are with a man he is doing this to you. High intensity moments for women look like a vision of the future. When you have a high intensity moment with a man, he suddenly becomes someone you could “be” with. Whatever that looks like for you, you get a vision of a future with him. This signals a chemical bond, and all of a sudden you are hooked. While that is a great feeling, he has hooked you but you haven’t hooked him.
The sexual hook.
There is no doubt that biochemistry plays a huge part in getting commitment from a man. If you want to create a high intensity moment, you must be sexually playful but unavailable. This in no way means be a tease, or to put yourself in a situation that is dangerous. This means, create a vision of the future. Signal on the date with a man that you are attracted to him, and want to have sex with him. This is like window shopping. You see something you want in a store, you love it but you have to wait until payday to buy it.
When women sleep with a man too soon, they go from high intensity moment to available. Again, back to the window shopping analogy, it’s like seeing a dream jacket but trying it on and realizing it doesn’t fit. Your hopes are crushed too soon. When you sleep with a man too soon, that high intensity moment is lost because reality has stolen the fantasy.
High Intensity Moments
To get a man to see you, and want you as girlfriend material, is a seduction of creating high intensity moments. This allows him to start to imagine the future with you. When you plan a date, you will be all he can think about until the date happens. Why you don’t do this now is because you tell yourself that you don’t want to play games. Not playing the dating game, is like wanting to pay with a credit card, at a store that only takes cash. While you are not wanting to ‘play the game’ the game is being played without you, and worse, on you. So let go of the idea that you are playing a game.
Think about getting a boyfriend like creating a balanced diet. Maybe you would prefer to eat junk food, and desserts but that won’t get you closer to your dream body. Maybe you would prefer to date like a fairytale, or a fantasy but that is not how dating works.
In order to get a boyfriend, you must be someone who is unavailable for brief moments at a time. Someone who can create high intensity moments, and recognize when they are doing so. Someone who is disciplined enough to focus on the goal – a committed relationship – instead of the moment.