Does Dating Suck?
This is a complicated question because for the first time in history, dating in and of itself, has nothing to do with relationships. In fact, if you ask most single adults today, they would determine that they are great daters. They are really good at meeting people, and spending time with them for a few hours. They are really good at keeping things casual, and maintaining a pipeline of potential romantic partners. Dating in the modern world doesn’t suck, but it also doesn’t lead to committed relationships.
If you want to be in an exclusive relationship, that will lead to commitment, it’s first important to understand that humans were never designed to choose their own life partners. Nature equipped us with two capabilities; mate selection and sexual selection.
Although there are conflicting theories to how these innate modes evolved, there is no dispute to how prevalent these factors are throughout all animal species. Who you choose to mate with (mate selection) is the partner that will provide the safest and most stable environment for offspring. Who you choose to have sex with (sexual selection) is the partner with whom you have the most chemistry and find the most desire to create offspring with.
Knowing the difference is one of the challenges that make dating difficult. On top of that, we are now in an environment where we need to choose for ourselves. There are no parents, matchmakers, town elders, or priests, vetting and securing prime candidates on the woman’s behalf. If you want to find a lifelong partner these days, it’s all up to you. So how do you do it?
First, set your standards.
According to The Healing Alphabet, a standard is defined by one’s minimum level of expectation of a person, place, thing, or situation. Put plainly, you get whatever you expect and nothing less should do. Regardless of if you have dates currently in cue, or haven’t been on a date this decade, everything you experience in your love life starts and ends with the standards you set. Once you decide what your standards are, you can never bend or break them. To accept less, would be to get less and that won’t get you into a relationship.
Why do we accept less than we want?
It sounds ridiculous. Imagine ordering a hamburger only to discover that a quarter of the burger is missing. You would be furious. The minimum expectation was an entire burger. When our expectations aren’t met at their minimum we are disappointed.
You Don’t Feel Worthy
Your worth is determined by the accepted value you have placed on yourself. The most common reason women expect less than they want is because they don’t think they deserve it. Newsflash, you deserve whatever it is that you want. Once you have the desire you deserve it. You wouldn’t get the vision if it wasn’t within you grasp to have.
You Believe In Lack
The idea that there aren’t enough men to go around has often been perpetuated by society.
The number don’t lie. Study after study has proven that there is a disparity in the marriage market. At the end of the day women tend to believe that a good man is hard to find. The truth is, you are the star, writer, director, and editor of your own life. Whatever story you choose to tell will be true. Women accept less than they want because they don’t feel like they have options. Does a guy who will do all of the things that you want even exist? The struggle feels very real, especially when you have so many other women around you telling you how badly they are struggling.
If you have ever experienced dating a guy who isn’t giving you enough attention, who isn’t over the moon crazy about you, who doesn’t treat you like you are the best thing that has ever happened to him, then read carefully. There is a formula to getting better treatment from the men that you date, and flat out getting exactly what you want and nothing less.
Ask for it
There is an old saying, ‘closed mouths don’t get fed’.
In order for a man to give you what you want, you have to know what is. Again, the ability to ask requires that you feel worthy of it. There is no small voice in the back of your mind telling you that you shouldn’t or you’ll lose him if you do. There is no negative voice reminding you to be grateful, or convincing you that you already get too much. When you know your worth, and you want to ask for something, any inner voice should be cheering you on, and saying, ‘Yes, Queen’.
Praise Good Behavior
Just because you deserve the world doesn’t mean you can’t appreciate all that you get.
Appreciation is very different than gratitude. There is no reason to be grateful to anyone who is dating you. You are prize, and highly valued. It is important however to appreciate how beautiful kindness is. Appreciate how beautiful respect, and thoughtfulness is. When the man you’re dating does things that you like, and know that you deserve, show that you appreciate him. But remind yourself that you are getting exactly what you have asked for.
We forget to appreciate the good choices that we make on a daily basis.
When you find a guy that you like, praise yourself for everything wonderful about you that makes you a great partner. People are mirrors, and the more that you love and appreciate yourself, the more others will love and appreciate you. In order to get impeccable treatment from the man, or men, in your life you have to learn to praise yourself.
You have to give yourself due accolades for making the right decisions and avoiding the wrong ones.
You have grown into a fabulous woman with amazing gifts to offer and that is no accident. If you only see the things that are wrong with you, so will others. When you praise yourself, you internalize your high value, and others will adopt that same attitude.