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Why Men Love ‘Bad’ Bitches

The term ‘bad’ when it precedes the word ‘bitch’ changes the definition entirely. To younger generations being a ‘bad bitch’ is a badge of honor. But before we were aspiring to be bad, the dating world was turned upside down when author, Sherry Argov, suggested that women should be bitches at all.

As she defines in her best seller ‘Why Men Love Bitches’:

“Bitch (noun): A woman who won’t bang her head against the wall obsessing over someone else’s opinion – be it a man or anyone else in her life. She understands that if someone does not approve of her, it’s just one person’s opinion; therefore, it’s of no real importance. She doesn’t try to live up to anyone else’s standards – only her own. Because of this, she relates to a man very differently.”

When it comes to dating advice single women should be weary. Too often the blame is put on women to change their behavior totally, and to cater to men who are either immature or indecisive. There is no shortage of advice for women because as GL Lambert, founder of the blog Far From Basyc, puts it, women are the ones looking for the advice. Women are constantly searching for the secret to being better loved, and desired by men.

Unfortunately, this can lead to confusion and insecurities. But in 2009, Sherry Argov changed the game. She released a manual for women on how to get into a relationship, that seems lost on women today. Why Men Love Bitches is one of the best advice books written for women, but for the modern woman, maybe the title should be amended to Why Men Love ‘Bad’ Bitches.

According to the autobiography by Amber Rose, “How To Be a Bad Bitch”, she defines bad bitch as

(n.): A self-respecting, strong female who has everything together. This consists of body, mind, finances, and attitude; a woman who gets her way by any means necessary.

This type of woman can effortlessly capture any man in her pursuit, and has no problem standing up for herself. This woman can be you. The philosophies put forth in the book written a decade ago still hold true. In the era where women have more opportunity to stand on their own, the rules in the book empower them to claim the love that they deserve. Here are a few key takeaways, that are still relevant 10 years later.

1. Your Happiness Should Come First

“That’s the big picture, your happiness. And health. You should never care what a man thinks of you — until he demonstrates to you that he cares about making you happy. If he isn’t trying to make you happy, then send him back from “whence” he came because winning him over will have no benefit. At the end of the day, happiness, joy…and yes…your emotional stability…those comprise the only measuring stick you really need to have.”

The right man for you is someone who cares about making you happy. But this shouldn’t absolve you from making your own happiness a priority. What the book suggests is to focus on your happiness before you worry about what a man thinks, and certainly before bending over backwards to make him happy. A happy go lucky woman will always attract more men, because when she’s happy, her man is always free to go, and that freedom makes him eager to stay.

An insecure woman who needs to control her man, and demand that he make her happy will exhaust herself by keeping tabs on him. Your happiness shouldn’t be dependent on your relationship and certainly, not dependent on your man.

2. Sex Should Not Proceed Commitment

“There’s nothing more prized to a man than something he had to wait for, work for, or struggle a little bit to get.”

Very few experts dispute the advice that women should wait until they are in a committed relationship to have sex. This isn’t to say that sex isn’t fun and worthwhile. For those who are casually dating, sex can be a great addition to the process. But the book warns about having sex too soon, and never before commitment.

While this isn’t an original concept in the book, Steve Harvey issued the same warning in his best seller, ‘Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man’ it does shed a female perspective on the process.

A woman is thinking clearly before sex, and should that time to set her boundaries and standards for the relationship. The right man will respect her for it, and be eager to commit when he feels like he has earned her respect in return.

3. Anything You Chase Runs

The right man for you won’t run from you. Anything that you chase will run, and that includes a man. This isn’t to say that you can’t pursue a man on your terms, but you shouldn’t make him feel like he has a target on his back.

“When you meet someone who is truly great, he makes you believe you can be great, too. This is the kind of relationship you want, and it’s the only kind of relationship worth having.”

It’s wonderful when a woman knows what she wants. Being confident means also knowing that what you want will come in time. There is no need to set forth traps, or lure a man like wild prey. When you display the right energy and intention the right man will come to you.

4. Let His Actions Speak For Themselves

“With a woman he’s crazy about, he’ll put in all the overtime in the world. He’ll be doing things for you, he’ll be considerate, he’ll want to please you, he’ll try to cheer you up if you are down, and he will enjoy every moment because you are the person he values most.”

The book speaks continuously about judging a man by his actions. A man might try to get by doing the minimum at first, but a high value woman won’t compromise and cater to his lack of effort. This is because she knows that a man who is really into her, wants to be seen as a king in her eyes.

He will do everything he can to earn her respect and that means treating her as a priority. Anything less than that is a man that is not fully invested and shouldn’t be tolerated.

5. He is Not A DIY Project

“Many people lack the basic equipment to be in a relationship and there’s nothing you can do to change it. You can’t take a skunk and dip it in perfume and hope it becomes a puppy. Eventually, the perfume will wear off and you’ll still have a skunk on your hands.”

No matter how many excuses you make for a jerk, he’s still a jerk. Instead of treating your man like a DIY project, it’s important to realize when a person just isn’t capable of being a good partner. It’s not your responsibility to teach a man how to be in a relationship, how to be respectful, or date with integrity.

Understanding when to walk away from poor treatment, and bad behavior, will save you time and energy. You should feel like his girlfriend, and not like a dog trainer. It’s important to understand where he lacks will, and or ability to be your partner. And then treat him accordingly.

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