Dating doesn’t happen by accident. It’s a choice like everything else in life. We are presented with random opportunities and then we choose to jump on them (literally) or to pass. If you’re looking for the rules of dating, or some guidelines to make dating easier, there rarely is a one size fits all solution.
So what’s the best dating advice out there? Is it be yourself, love yourself, focus on your own life and then a partner will come? Or is it a collection of tips and tricks that manipulate unexpecting partners into falling in love with you?
To be clear, the best dating advice is the advice that works for you. Everything doesn’t work for everyone, similar to a diet. But dating doesn’t have to be hard because it’s based solely on the way that you interpret the experience.
It’s based on the stories that you are telling yourself about what is happening and why. In order to make dating more successful you have to control the story that you tell yourself.
There is no better advice than this: how you feel is up to you.
If you will control the story that you tell yourself, and the meaning that you give to everything, dating will work for you and you will find the love you want.
So how do you really take this on board? First, understand what dating really is. It’s the coming together of two willing participants for an undisclosed period of time. Sometimes it’s forever, often times it’s not. The choice to tell a positive story is yours, and you must give up control over the things that are not up to you.
You Can’t Control What People Do
What people do, is not based on who you are. It’s based on what they want.
This is one of the toughest misconceptions to overcome. When you are dating someone everything decision that you make seems to be a reaction to something you have done. We start to feel responsible for the person that we are dating, and we take on the emotional labor of making everything go perfectly.
We start to believe that love means always getting along, never disagreeing, or having an argument and always physically wanting the other person.
This is completely wrong.
The choices that other people make are as independent as the choices that you make. There isn’t anything that you can do to totally influence another person’s decisions. No matter how wonderful you are as a person, you can’t make someone else choose you every day for the rest of their life. The choice is theirs.
You Can’t Choose When Love Comes.
There is no timeline for love. The right person can enter your life at random but timing is everything. If it isn’t the right “time” for both of you then the relationship won’t work. It doesn’t matter how much work you put into meeting the right person they won’t just magically appear at will. And don’t worry, meeting the right person isn’t about being “open”, I’m sure you’re open enough. Meeting the right person is about timing and that is something out of your control.
You Can’t Control How Other People Feel
Stop trying to make someone feel for you, what you really need to feel for yourself. There is no magic spell that creates attraction. When you meet someone that you believe is the right person, that’s an exciting time. But both people have to feel the same way about each other, and that is something that you can’t control. How another person feels is based on what they need in their lives. It might seem so obvious that you should be together but that isn’t up to you.
The way that you feel is the only thing that you can control. If you enjoy the dating process, and getting to know new people, then creating an uplifting story about the value this adds to your life can be powerful. The only advice that you need to follow ruthlessly is: how you feel is up to you, so take the reins and enjoy the process.