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Learning When to Bail: Forgiveness vs. Stupidity

I am a firm believer in giving people chances. I know that we are all human and we all make mistakes whether we want to admit to them or not. I know that I have made many mistakes in the past, especially in terms of how I behaved in a relationship, whether it was a friendship or one based on romance. I’ve done dirt, and I’ve also been emotionally defecated on. I’ve also discovered that learning when to bail out of a bad situation is integral for survival. First time shame on you; second time shame on me. I came across a meme the other day that was thankfully posted anonymously.

“If a girl is stupid enough to love you after you broke her heart, I guarantee you she’s the one.”

Hold.The.Phone. I almost spit my coffee out all over my keyboard. I’m going to give the creator of that particular meme the benefit of the doubt and say that they’re coming from a place of forgiveness, but I have to say that this statement itself is bullshit. As it is, I don’t appreciate statements that start with “If a girl is stupid…”

Don’t Be Stupid

Who wants to be regarded as stupid, dumb, or dense? I know I don’t. As a matter of fact, I don’t know anyone who openly wants to be referred to as the adjectives I’ve just mentioned.

There’s a line between forgiving someone and being dumb for going back to someone who broke your heart. Indiscretions are to be expected, but the degree and the extent to which the indiscretion was carried out is supposed to affect the decision you make about a person. For example. If you catch your boyfriend in a little white lie about going out with the boys instead of running the errands he claimed to be out doing, you’ll be mad, you’ll address the situation, then he would have to earn your trust back.

That’s reasonable. However, if you have a boyfriend who beats you up emotionally, mentally, or physically and you keep giving him chance after chance because you believe the pretty, flowery words he tells you afterwards – that he’ll get better, then I gotta tell you, sister, you’re not being smart at all.

Learning when to bail doesn’t mean leaving him when there’s reasonable space for improvement, because we all make mistakes, and you’ll make mistakes if you haven’t already, and you’ll want his patience and forgiveness. Leave when the person who claims to love you becomes a detriment to your health because they don’t treat you well, especially in terms of any forms of abuse.

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