A healthy relationship feels like freedom. But an abusive relationship is more like a trap. And sometimes it’s difficult to tell between the two. People in love sometimes miss out on seeing the obvious abuses in their relationships and other times are afraid to walk out of it in the fear of their partner. Suffering from an abusive relationship brings all sorts of emotional, physical and mental damages that can go beyond repair.
If you are in an abusive relationship, a part of you hopes for everything to be all right, the other part plans strategies to make an exit without your partner discovering it. The feelings of helplessness are normal. But you are not helpless. There are ways to tackle the abuse, seek safety, have a legal backup and reach out to hotlines for crisis situations. Find a little courage and seek for help!
Trust Yourself and Your Instincts
No one can tell you or accuse you of being in an abusive relationship until you recognize it for yourself. If something feels like abuse to you – get to know it and then make a change. It is important to trust yourself and your feelings to understand how you are being treated or being manipulated by your partner. Trust your gut feelings. If a remark, behavior, or feeling makes you uncomfortable, acknowledge it and confront with your partner right away.
Draw the Lines
One of the fastest recovery plans to restrict an abusive relationship is to stop participating in it. Know when and where to draw lines in your relationship to save from toxicity and abusive behavior. If you are indulging into some behaviors just because your partner would be angry if you didn’t do it – choose to not do it. Shift your role and duties from pleasing them to pleasing yourself. Avoid indulging into fights or arguments to give them signals that they can’t control you.
Read the Warning Signs
People who want to fight all the odds tend to ignore the warning signs in a relationship. These patterns empower the abusive partner to be more abusive. Don’t make this mistake! Read the warning signs and understand how these situations are putting you at a greater risk. Watching yourself being blamed for something you didn’t do, accused of acting a certain way, negative comments, making you shut up, not buying your explanations or even using your past against you are some warning signs to watch out for. Other warning signs include physical abuse, controlling behavior, name calling, etc.
Connect with people who love you!
Nothing can give you the confidence and validation that you need more than your loved ones. Connect with your loved ones or maybe share with them what you have been experiencing. Talk your heart out to take an opinion from people and make them aware that you might need help. Through friend or expert counseling you can find the support and validation needed to gain strength and confidence in dealing with the relationship.
In a relationship, one partner often gets controlling of the other. From shopping bills, checking personal data, controlling bank accounts, etc to sexual humiliation, inappropriate demands and calling out names – abuse can keep on increasing. Take charge of your own life and deny any sort of controlling, ruling or forcing behavior from your partner. The ability to say No to abuse helps one reclaim their independence and stand up against abuse.
Keep an Eye on the Partner’s Anger
If your partner has anger management issues or is visibly turning abusive, do not ignore their patterns. If their anger goes from zero to 50 in a second, it might as well reach its optimum to make a crisis situation for you. It is a major red flag to keep in mind. Be prepared for the worst of times to occur when you least expect it. And so make sure that you are able to deal with their anger issues and seek safety when need be. Setting your partner off with your changed behavior can come easy when dealing with an abuser who is quick to anger.
Seek a Counselor
Some psychological experts and relationship professionals are able to dig into the science of a relationship and find the root cause of abuse in the relationship. Don’t be afraid to consult a specialist to understand if, why and how your relationship turned abusive. If there is any help available or how you can safeguard yourself. These experts guide you with an exit plan too when the need be. With the help of counselors, you can secure your safety, deal with the partner wisely and take care of yourself too.
In stressful times like these, some self-love is an absolute necessity. Take time out to focus on yourself alone. Write journals, travel, connect with friends, read, meditate, reflect on your actions and pamper yourself too. Spending time with yourself shall help you evaluate what you feel and what it is you want. The decision to keep, mend or walk out of the relationship shall be yours. And it is the self-love that will encourage you to stand up for yourself and ask for a change.
File a Legal Case
An abusive partner doesn’t just turn abusive emotionally or mentally but sometimes can be physical, financial and harassing too. And violence in a relationship in any form has laws to seek justice. If your partner hits or forces themselves on you, doesn’t support you financially, harasses you in public, etc – there is legal help to make a move. File a complaint against them for their abuse and seek the help of the law to resolve the situation for you. These are extreme steps that can be taken to come out of abusive relationships.
Acknowledging humiliation and abuse is the first step to dealing with what you are suffering. Know that you are not alone. Take little steps to a better you and believe in your self-worth, you can overcome your situation.