The success of your love life starts and ends with the decisions that you make. That is the uncomfortable truth that most singles don’t want to embrace. There is the bad side of dating. There is rejection. Falling for someone who isn’t available. Letting your guard down only to be ghosted a few weeks, even days later. That part of dating sucks.
What can you do about it? There are elements of dating that are determined by the behavior of others. Dating is interesting because it always feels like we are at the mercy of others. There is an unspoken rule of dating that you have to wait to be chosen. The only way to actually get into a loving relationship is to be plucked off the street and pulled into one by a willing participant. Well, that’s not the truth.
The results that you get in dating are directly connected to the decisions that you make in dating. You are the reason that the relationships you choose to pursue either work out or don’t work out. This might be difficult to believe but only when you accept this responsibility can you actually start changing the outcomes.
So why do we do what we do? Especially when it isn’t always the most productive or authentic action?
The decisions that you make, are based on what you believe and what you believe is often called your mindset. Whether you want more dates, or to find lasting love, every right result in dating comes from right action. So in order to act rightly; you must first think rightly and improve your mindset.
It’s not that what you think is wrong. It’s only that what you think isn’t creating results that you want. This isn’t an assumption, this is what you’re living.
Everything that you want comes to you by thinking the right way about it. It all boils down to your mindset. From this moment on, suspend what you currently believe about dating, people, and yourself. It’s likely that your thoughts are focused on the things that you want to avoid.
- You don’t want to feel like someone waiting to be chosen in love.
- You don’t want to be someone who can be easily rejected or used or played.
- You want to be valued and appreciated in love by someone of high quality and who values themselves.
- You don’t want to feel at the mercy of anyone else and you don’t want to chase after others. I know that you want to feel powerful.
But what do you want? Most people live life operating by what they are actively avoiding. But in dating, you can’t avoid. You can only pursue. Avoidance means that whatever you are afraid might happen is actually at the forefront of your mind. What you are trying to avoid is the energy that you are actually leading with, and using to make all of your decisions. You are focused on what you don’t want instead of what you do want.
Exactly what you are hoping won’t happen will, just by your focus on it. The only way to get what you want from dating, and avoid rejection is to shift your mindset. To start, the reason you fear rejection or unfavorable outcomes is because you have faced them before. The reasons you associated with that experience still exist. You haven’t accepted that you weren’t with the right person. You are blaming yourself for the demise of a past relationship.
Many singles tell themselves that if they were “better” they would have someone by now. That isn’t true. If you are holding onto the idea that the relationship you want won’t work out, it should be because you aren’t compatible not because you aren’t worthy.
Start to shift your mindset to believe and accept that the wrong relationships will end because they were meant to end. The wrong relationship is always temporary. That is a fact of life. Even the best beginnings have endings. This can’t be avoided. It hasn’t nothing to do with your worthiness.
You can avoid rejection by knowing what you want instead of who you want. You want to feel chemistry and attraction but most of all you want to feel wanted. You want to feel desired and respected in return. Dating should feel good. If it feels confusing, stressful or painful then you’re doing it wrong. Dating should be exciting and stimulating. It should also be fun.
In order to avoid rejection, you have to enter into dating knowing that you can’t be rejected by someone else. You can reject yourself and other people will reflect that. Meaning, if you accept that another person’s choice is not a rejection you can start making choices for yourself. Imagine dating in a way that is fulfilling, exhilarating, rewarding, and pleasurable.
Practice for Self-Acceptance
To embrace yourself try this exercise. For a few minutes a day, preferably in the morning close your eyes and practice a quick visualization. Close your eyes and think about warm, comforting feelings. Think about a kiss or feelings of chemistry that you’ve had. Envision someone that you care about, a lover whispering the words, “I love you.” Picture yourself with a partner, and briefly visualize a happy relationship unfolding like in a movie. Practice this movie of your life daily.
You’ll find yourself more aware of the people who fit what you have envisioned.
We all create a vision for our love lives but through experience we let go of what we really want and start trying to avoid pain. The vision you are living is one of what you have lived, not what you really want. If you want to avoid rejection for good, hold on to what you want, and not any one person who can give it to you.
Create a vision for success and not one for safety. You can have the exact love life you’ve always wanted but you have to let go of the fear that there is something in you that is worth rejecting.