Getting into a relationship is a process. It seems like something that just happens to a select group of very lucky people but there are several pieces to the puzzle that come together before a relationship actually comes together. Two people who commit to date each other exclusively doesn’t happen by sheer accident or luck. Dating isn’t luck unless you consider that luck favors the prepared mind.
If you’re ready for your next relationship, I’m excited for you. I say next because I never want you to believe that love is forever unless you choose it. Nothing lasts forever, even relationships change over time. So do the people who are in them. So when I say your next relationship I’m not being pessimistic. Your next relationship is just as meaningful as your last.
How do you know that you’re ready? The list is long but inclusive of every check in the box you need to have to find love now. By now love I mean a commitment from the individual of your choice. Nothing is more frustrating than finding the right person and having them slip through your fingers. Nothing is more frustrating that dating someone who refuses to take the relationship to the” next level”.
If you’re really ready for love, then you’ll never face that situation. There is no scientific proof that conquering the following will guarantee a relationship but it’s common traits of those who find love quickly compared to those who try for years with no luck.
This list will let you know that you’re ready to step out of single life.
You’re ready to stop the cycle
I believe in the Universe and vibrational energy. This isn’t everyone’s cup of tea but when we experience the same situation over and over I believe it’s the Universe telling you that you’re stuck. You keep attracting the same types of people because there is something unresolved about the way it makes you feel. Instead of spending countless hours trying to decipher what it could mean try two things:
Don’t accept anything that you don’t want. If you have an experience that feels familiar or reminds you of your past avoid it. You don’t need to go down the same wrong street to know that it leads nowhere. Instead of hoping things will turn out differently just don’t accept anyone who has characteristics of someone in your past. Especially if the characteristics are ones that you don’t like.
The best way to avoid repeating mistakes is to know what you want and pass up anyone that isn’t it. You don’t need to “see” if this will work out. If you meet someone that reminds you negatively of someone else, don’t date them.
Act differently. The same situation may arise no matter how hard you try to avoid it but the key is to respond differently. If you find yourself thinking about how many times this has happened to you or if you feel that you’re facing something that “always happens” realize that this is your opportunity to do things differently.
Accept that it’s not a value judgment against you. So much of what others’ do affect us as if to say we are the reason they act the way they do, we really aren’t. People do what they want. Yes, you can impact it but you can’t make anyone treat you right if it isn’t already in them to do so.
You break up with your past
Are you still thinking about the one who got away? Is that painful rejection haunting you?
The clearest sign that you’re ready for a new committed relationship is to let go of the past. I know its easier said than done but there’s a trick that I abide by. Just don’t talk about it. Wear a rubber band around your wrist and when you’re tempted to talk about your past, don’t. Stop yourself. Not only is this a great lesson in self-control and discipline it allows you to focus on the future or better yet the present. There’s a saying, ‘don’t look back because you’re not going there.’ The focus in on your next relationship and trust me, it isn’t behind you.
If you want to make your way to a new relationship, it’s important to let go of the past. Stop bringing up everything that you hated that hurt you. Stop talking about ex’s or never were’s. You’re dating in the present so it’s important to stay there.
You know what you offer
No one is going to respect you unless you respect yourself. No one is going to give you the credit you deserve as a partner unless you’re clear on what you can offer someone else. You have to know your value. There is no better or clearer way to say this. It doesn’t mean you’re better than anyone else and it doesn’t mean that you’re perfect it just means that you know why life with you is better than life without you. The person who commits to you will be answering this question so its better than you know and can validate their conclusion. If you don’t’ know why anyone would or should date you then they won’t.
The caveat is you can’t assume that you are worth dating because someone is better than no one. You have to assign value to who you are and embrace that you add real value to another person’s life. The truth is you do. Your love is valuable and it means something. Not to be cheesy but only when you feel your own love can you really accept the value it has to another so being nice to yourself is the first step in knowing that you are valuable to someone else.
You’ve asked for help
No one achieves anything great alone. You have to ask for help from someone. Ask a friend to set you up. Use a dating coach, or subscribe to a blog. It takes guidance in an area that you’re not successful in to gain success. If it was as simple as figuring it out, then you would have by now. There is a reason we don’t cut our own hair. If there is an expert that you can turn to, even if it’s just reading posts like these and getting free advice then do it.
You know what you offer
Never forget that you are the prize. There is so much that you have to offer someone else, that being happy together is really worth investing in. The only job you have is to know your brand so well, you can convey it to others. Dating is selling. I know that isn’t very romantic but we convince ourselves to date who we date.
We sell ourselves on the idea when someone seems to be exactly what we want. But what happens when you’re not convinced you deserve what you want? There is value in who you are and what you can offer someone else but you have to know this without a doubt.