How often have you met a guy that you were totally into? You had a great few dates, maybe slept together and then all of a sudden he starts to pull back. What changed? Where did you go wrong? For many women this is a common scenario and it happens for one reason. Too often women decide that they want a man to be their boyfriend before they actually know if he’s boyfriend material, or what it even takes to be his girlfriend.
Once a woman decides that she wants a relationship with a man she doesn’t pursue him, even worse, she waits to be chosen by him by auditioning for the role of his girlfriend, without even knowing the terms and conditions. The moment you do this, you’re relinquishing all of your power.
Women choose who they want to date. This is a benefit of being a woman. But men choose who they commit to. If you want a relationship with a man, it first starts with choosing the right guy. Don’t offer up yourself to someone who isn’t worth it, or doesn’t want it. To attract the right man, you have to show him that you’re a combination of the following. Keeping in mind that this doesn’t mean being perfect. It means being enough for yourself before you can be anything to anyone else.
The ability to take care of yourself is the most attractive quality a woman can possess. Unlike women, men aren’t dying to take care of someone else. They are survivalists who are looking out for them first and foremost. Men want to provide for you, not care for you. If you want a man to take you seriously, show that you can take care of yourself. That means emotionally, physically and financially. Also, show that you are able to keep yourself entertained without his attention. An independent woman doesn’t have to work hard at showing a man that she can do fine by herself.
It’s the little things. Being independent means being free of worry, and stress about what he is doing when he isn’t with you. Being independent means being free of needing his attention and validation. Independence is freedom. And only when you feel free, can a man actually lock you down.
No one is confident 100% of the time but in dating, confidence is the x-factor that makes you more attractive. Being confident in dating is as simple as keeping your ego in check. When we face uncomfortable situations in dating, and our emotions get activated, then we are succumbing to our ego, our smaller selves. The ego needs the validation and the comfort of knowing it’s wanted. Confidence is trusting that you are enough. Maybe you don’t feel confident all of the time, but in dating you have to let go of the idea that men will want you when you’re perfect. No one is perfect. Being confident is synonymous with being comfortable in your own skin.
There are some men that will make you feel uncomfortable as you are, and that is when you need to exercise your confidence the most. You can stand up for yourself and not accept anything less than you know you want. You aren’t afraid that who you are will be rejected. A confident person is someone who isn’t interested in auditioning for a role. They have a lot to offer and they know it.
Having fun on a date is harder than you think because at this point you’ve probably been on so many dates that you’re just hoping that you aren’t wasting your time. Fun is a primary function of dating. If you aren’t having fun then you’re dating all wrong. If you want to keep a man interested in you, then you have to have fun with him. You have to make him feel like being with you is better than being without you and that isn’t because you went to an Ivy League school or climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro but because you laughed at his jokes, and you make him laugh. You let go, and you are silly in a way that is exciting and unexpected. That is fun.
When you’re ready to be in a relationship and you’ve had little luck dating you can become impatient with the process. It’s at this time when a lot of women lose their empathy. They start to treat all men the same and even little missteps are seen as unforgivable. A man is going to mess up. He knows it and he wants to know that you know it and that you will forgive him for it. Showing some understanding means not responding emotionally to everything your date does that you don’t like. Sometimes you’re just getting information about him and that data reveals that he’s not your type. We can benefit by putting ourselves in another person’s shoes, that doesn’t make you weak.
The one thing a man wants more than anything, according to dating experts everywhere, is to feel special. He wants to know that you are interested in who he is, and not just because you want a relationship. Paying close attention to what a man says and does, allows you to relate to him for who he is, and not who you think he is. Women date on potential. We ignore the man that we’ve got and project the man we think he will become.
You create a future version of him based on who he will become when he’s with you but that isn’t realistic. You have to judge a man by who he is when you meet him. And accept him for that person. Not who he’ll be once you change him. Or at least try to. Let him be who he is, and either that’s the man you want or it’s not. That simple.