The biggest issue most single people have when dating is not knowing when love is going to happen. When you’ve reached a certain age, you’ve probably crossed paths with dozens of people that you’ve liked. For one reason or another it just never lead anywhere.
You’re probably incredibly frustrated with the process and having a hard time understanding what to do about it. You want a relationship. You want someone in your life that cares about you but you don’t know how to meet the right people.
Like most singles, you probably don’t understand how people actually get into relationships in the first place. Thankfully, It’s not a hard as you think.
Dating is about finding a willing participant.
There has to be someone out there who wants what you want, and is willing to be in a committed relationship with you to get it. This person might not know right now, that they want a relationship with you, but once you cross paths it will seem like a no-brainer. Your ONLY job is to meet this person.
Below are what is stopping you are the reasons that you haven’t met this person yet, and what to do about it.
You only date one person at at time
Fix it: Date more people.
Most people don’t enjoy the scouting process. It takes a lot of emotional energy to connect with a new person, so the idea of having to connect with many new people isn’t appealing. Unfortunately, you do yourself a disservice when you don’t diversify your dating pool.
Dating multiple at a time isn’t about being disingenuous about any one person, it’s about sowing seeds. You never know how long a relationship will take to develop. If you put all of your time energy and hopes and dreams into one person, you can easily find yourself disappointed.
It’s probably already happened.
The best way to ease the tension in dating, have more fun and increase your chances of finding love, is by adding more options to your pool. Don’t stop at just one person when you are looking for love. You might lament that one person is hard enough to find, but if you can find one, you can find two.
You let other people take the lead
The fix: Take control when you need to
We are all the writers of our lives. We are the conductors. We are the drivers. When you want to make an impact on your love life, take the reigns more often than not.
If you leave your relationship future in the hands of others, thinking that what they want is best, or that they know what’s best for you there is no guarantee that you will get the desired results. You’ll never feel powerful, or like you have a say in the way the courtship goes if you don’t take control of your choices.
You have to take the reigns at the right time and steer the relationship in the direction that you want it to go. You have to know what your boundaries are and be willing to draw the line when your date over steps them. If you want something specific you have to be able to ask for it.
Don’t’ wait. Make moves.
The Fix: Practice brave actions
People are afraid to get hurt. They wear their self-esteem on their sleeve and they feel like potential partners are just more opportunities to get rejected.
We are all afraid of something when it comes to dating. We carry shame, doubt, and insecurities like weights on our shoulders. So what are you actually afraid of? That someone who is wrong for you won’t like you? That someone who is wrong for you will dump you? That someone who is wrong for you will make you feel bad about yourself?
Our fear comes from putting the wrong people on a pedestal. Our fear comes from the belief that we are not as good as the people we want. At the core of our fear is our own doubt. If you take action every time that you feel afraid, the fear will dissipate. Not sure when to take action?
Remember, if want a different result then take a different action. Don’t do what you normally do. Do the thing that scares you.
YOU’RE TOO NEGATIVE
The Fix: Expect Success
The dating world isn’t perfect. There are some terrible people out there that will lead you on and intend nothing but harm to your sense of self.
You’ve probably had terrible experiences and are well founded in your distrust of the dating scene. That being said, it’s just as easy to expect success as it is to expect failure. It’s easy to lose faith in dating, and in people. It’s easy to rely on the past results instead of focusing on creating new ones. It’s time that you think about what you want not what you don’t.
Being negative about dating is accepting the believe that people won’t like you, or that there are no good people out there. When you adopt an attitude of expectation around success, it means feeling like you can have what you want. What you want is not only possible, but probable.Expecting success means relying on a positive and optimistic mindset, and it isn’t that hard but it does take practice.
The Fix: Plant seeds not trees
Love takes time. Dating is a process. There is no timeline for forming a healthy relationship. It must involve and be co-created by two willing participants. It must happen organically, and you have to give any seed a time to grow. There is a gestation period to relationships and trying to date without one is like trying to plant trees, instead of sowing a seed.