Since the days of “The Rules: Time-tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right” or earlier, society formed a mystical belief that a bubble bath was the next best thing to having a man.
Can’t go on a real date? Just let Calgon take you away. As recently as last month, I read an article suggesting that there were alternatives to dating, and one was of course included a tub of hot water and foamy soap.
If women are going to be equal in society we have to do a better job as writers of speaking to them as the smart college educated women they are. A bubble bath isn’t going to cure your love life. Not even a little bit.
No girl, what you need is a healthy self esteem and a wake up call. If you read no further, know this. You are responsible for getting what you want. No man can give it to you.
In the modern dating world women are in charge. Women to some degree have always been in charge but except now we know it. That being the said, I’m taking a stand on dating advice that recommends distractions as a cure for your love life. Maybe if you don’t focus on it, a man will magically appear.
You should focus on what you care about to the instinct that it feels good to think about it. You are not going to fall in love with being single, or forget that you are with a bubble bath. For that reason, I suggest you make peace with being single and start to enjoy the dating process.
Shut that voice up
There is a loud obnoxious critical voice in your head. It sometimes sounds like your mother with its relentless self doubt, and critical nature. It’s a mean voice that tells you there is something wrong with you, or that you’re not good enough. This is the voice of a liar.
As someone who has learned to silence this voice, it’s the only thing that’s going to make being single fun. There are no amount bubble baths that will silence that voice until you decide to stop listening. Its your job to be good to yourself. Yes, physical self care is important but being emotionally kind to yourself matters more.
You can’t have success in dating without shutting that damned voice up.
Stop blaming men
Men are not the problem. Men are not the enemy. In fact, the minute you start believing that you can work with men in the dating world, instead of against them, you’re that much closer to having a stellar relationship. If you blame men for not knowing how to date, you’ll keep meeting men who don’t know how to date.
I should remind you that there is nothing wrong with men, or the way they date. Yikes! Did I just say that. Ok. So I am letting men off the hook because no man can make you happy unless you first choose to be happy.
If a man isn’t dating you, you have full permission not to date him. Or you can play a bigger role in the courtship and ask him out. You don’t need men to be happy but they can be cooperative components in your happiness. Happiness is a choice that you have to make for yourself. Make it now. Don’t wait.
Explore taking charge
Yes, you can take control of your life. You can ask men to go out with you or spend time with you. You can text first. Trust me that if a man doesn’t want your attention, he’ll let you know. Chances are he will be flattered. Better chances are, that he won’t think anything of your assertion and just go out with you.
I believe that you can have whatever it is that you want in dating. All you need are two things; standards and make decisions. What do I mean by that? One reason I believe women wait for men in dating, is because they lack boundaries. They feel that if they don’t submit to men then the man will move on to someone else. That is a lack mindset.
There is a lid for every pot. Sometime several. If you don’t operate from a place of strong values, you’ll never feel powerful.
The best dating advice I can offer is that you have the ability to get what you want if you’re willing to go after it. No need to waste your time relaxing in a tub if you don’t want to. You can actually enjoy dating if you let yourself. Make it a priority and just do it.