Choosing the right online dating site is almost as difficult as choosing your actual partner.
Online dating might be the solution to you if your schedule just doesn’t allow for you to meet enough option offline. Maybe you’ve considered online dating but you’re probably wondering if it really works. Of course it does. This is probably a question you’ve asked yourself as you contemplated updating your Zoosk profile. I know what you’re really thinking is, “Will online dating work for me?” The answer is probably.
In this post, I’ll walk you through a step-by-step process to choosing the perfect dating site. I’ll explain most important factors when looking for love online that will help you determine which site is best for you. Most people place a blanket identity over online dating apps when you should really be treating a dating site or app like a bar. The clientele differs by the app you’re using and plays a huge role in your success.
Go where you think your future partner is likely to be.
Online dating is the best way to meet people when and how you choose. It’s convenient and it can work if you’re on the right site. You don’t have to get dressed; you don’t have to waste gas to find love these days. If you have an Internet connection love is at your fingertips. With more apps and options than ever, where do you look for love online? If you’re willing to position yourself and put in the effort for online dating to work for you then your chances increase that it will. If you turn to online dating as a passive alternative to look for love, you probably won’t find it.
There is a formula for getting into a relationship that many people don’t understand. Let me tell you what it is. Meet the right person at the right time.
Sounds simple right except for one thing: how? Online dating makes this process a little easier because let’s face it the right time is now. The next step of finding the right person is a matter of understanding who that right person is. The person you want to date is probably dating online because over 40 million people, in the US alone, are.
According to Match.com But the key to finding this right person is choosing the site that they’re likely to be using.
Consider online dating sites like a mall. I think malls and shopping centers are great places to meet potential dates but that’s a different story. Considering online dating sites like a mall it’s important to identify what people might be looking for and at what cost. You wouldn’t look for a vegetarian at a steak house so why waste time on a dating site that doesn’t have matches that suit you?
Think about who you want to date. Close your eyes and imagine your dream partner. They’re pretty awesome right? What are the chances they’re glued to their laptop filling out a long form survey, and looking for love? Or on they on a business trip, swiping left and right, in the Delta executive lounge at the airport.
Identifying who your ideal match is, is very important because you want to be on the same site they’re on. Really think about this person because who they are determines how much time they’re likely to invest in looking for love. That’s an important stat. Think about the amount of time you spend looking for love online.
Most singles, that really want love, take time out of their day to search dating sites, send emails and possibly make connections. They aren’t necessarily the swipe left swipe right person. Take a site like ‘Coffee Meets Bagel’. This is a great example of someone who is not actively looking for love. With matches sent just once a day, the time it could take to connect with your match, then start communication, and finally go out on a date is longer than if you were in control of how many messages you sent.
Your chances of finding love increase when you’re able to message multiple people a day. If you’re incredibly busy or think your potential partner is too, then ‘Coffee Meets Bagel’ is exactly where you would expect to meet an equally busy, read: lazy, person.
Another factor to consider is how popular or attractive your potential date is. If they’re meeting a lot of people on a daily basis they might also be looking for love online but they won’t pay for it. Not to say that only ugly, introverted people pay for online dating. Busy people pay too. The person who believes their chances of finding love are as good online as they are off isn’t likely to purchase a subscription to a dating site although they probably still want a serious relationship.
Consider an app like ‘Hinge,’ that has a reputation for attracting serious daters but is still free to use. Also, when looking for the right online dating site, browse their user base. Check out their website and success stories. Do you users look like people you’d want to date? Are they you’re caliber of users?
Like it or not everyone understands that we rate people by numbers: one being the least desirable and ten being the most desirable. Chances are you date with this number in mind whether you express it out loud or not. In an informal study by Dan Ariely, he concluded that people will always stay within one number of what they think they are. “People find others attractive in part based on how they perceive of their own attractiveness.”
If they presume themselves a four then they will look for fives but accept a three. A four isn’t likely to chase a seven, although sure there are exceptions. So let’s be honest, what is your number? Dating apps like Tinder, The League, and Bumble tend to emphasis looks and if you think you’re good-looking it’s a benefit. If you don’t place yourself high on the numbers scale then it’s incredibly important to know what users will value.
If it’s looks then dating apps and Match.com will work in your favor, if its lifestyle and you’ve met celebrities and jumped out of a plane then your best bet are likely dating apps. If however you think you’re a six looking for a five or seven then your future love is likely looking for a more substantial effort from their match. They want a proper profile and the option of sending a well-crafted email instead of a quirky one-line opener.
Lastly, consider their lifestyle and time restraints. I don’t want to offend you but most people who spend quality time looking for love online don’t have a life. This is why mobile dating apps have become so popular because people like to search on the go. Now when I say, ‘don’t have a life’ I don’t mean that they’re losers. I mean that they’re likely homebodies that you won’t find in your local bar or club.
For this reason local and city based dating sites might serve you better than an Eharmony or a Match.com if you’re looking for someone who lives in your area but you’re unlikely to meet around town then try a site that caters to local singles. You might not find as many users as larger sites but your potential matches might be the people you pass in the grocery store without knowing it.
Your level of engagement plays a huge role in which dating app, or website, will work for you. I personally believe that investing in your love life is a form of self-love. If you’re serious about finding the love that you deserve then its in your best interest to invest at least 30 minutes a day improving your profile and reaching out to potential matches. “Each date you set up using online services requires an average of six hours of searching for people and emailing with them…” states Dan Ariely in a recent study.
If you don’t want to invest the time in finding love then don’t choose a site that takes an huge time commitment, such as one where an incomplete profile is a turnoff.
Also, choose a platform that has a well functioning mobile app. If you’re on the go or work in a busy area then consider such apps like ‘Happn’ or ‘Cheekd’. Both allow you reconnect with people that you’ve already crossed paths with. Maybe you didn’t have the opportunity to approach them in the moment but now these mobile apps are giving you the option to make a move online. If you’re shy and would rather make the first move digitally then other alternatives such as ‘How About We,’ and ‘Courtem’ provide you the opportunity to describe your ideal date instead of just your boring bio.
Depending on how much time and creativity you’re willing to invest in your profile and online presence will determine which site you should be using to find potential matches.
How much will it cost you to find love? When I work with clients it’s easy to find them love quickly because I know how. I’ve mastered the art of getting my clients to the right person at the right time in both their lives. Everyone’s investment is different so you have to decide, “Are you willing to pay another person to help you find love?”
I’ll let you in on a secret. Dating sites are not in the business of helping you find love. When you find love they lose money. Dating sites and apps provide you an option, or an alternative, for meeting new people. When a dating site actually works, meaning two people find each other and start a relationship, the site loses not one but two customers. Why would a dating site want to lose two customers every time it “worked”? Dating sites know that when it works you will leave so they charge you a premium price to actually be effective.
Because of this it’s likely that sites that offer subscriptions won’t work for you unless you pay a price. Now, the conversations becomes if you’re a serious dater then you will pay the price to find love. I’m not opposed to subscription based dating sites but I understand that most singles don’t understand how to find love online so often times they’re squandering their money and not using the site to their advantage.
I coach clients on creating the perfect profile as well as offer profile assessments and screenings to ensure their presence online is optimized for massive results. The decision then becomes is it more cost effective to pay a dating site for access to potential matches or an expert to help you maximize your online presence?
Singles who don’t pay to use online dating sites aren’t necessarily cheap or “not serious” daters. They likely just believe that they don’t need to pay. They aren’t convinced that a premium price means better results and the truth is, there is no proof that it does.
If you decide to pay to date online, as an investment in your love life then it’s even more critical to choose the right site. A site that has the clientele that meshes well with your needs. Being single isn’t a condition you’re plagued with. You have the ability to find a healthy relationship if you’re willing to do the work to do it right. Finding the dating site that meets your needs, as well as has users that are compatible with you, is just the beginning of your efforts dating online.
You don’t have to embark on this journey alone if you don’t choose you. Options exist to get your love life in top shape just as you would your finances or your health. If you decide to get the most out of dating online don’t treat every site the same. Do you research and invest enough time to find the best site for you.