Being single is a direct result of how much you know about getting into a relationship.
Single men and women make the assumption that they are single because they haven’t met the right person but that’s not the entire truth. Most likely you’re single because you don’t know how not to be. You don’t know how to get into a relationship. The way we think about relationships is skewed. We attribute finding love to luck but it isn’t.
There’s an expression that you have to be good to be lucky and what single men and women fail to do is to be good at the things that get you into a relationship: attracting people, getting commitment, and creating attachments. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been single. It doesn’t matter if it’s been a month, two years or all of your life, if you’re ready for a relationship here are 3 foolproof ways to get one.
MAKE FINDING A RELATIONSHIP A PRIORITY
Most people in relationships wanted that relationship above everything else. They didn’t wait for love to happen they made it happen by being focused on a goal. In the book, ‘Zero to One’ by Peter Thiel, he mentions that the most successful people never attribute their success to luck. It’s almost offensive. The same can be said with relationships. How you met someone might have been lucky but single people meet potential dates all the time. The determination surfaces by how open minded, communicative and attractive the person is who wants a relationship more than anything.
When you make finding a relationship a priority you make different decisions in your life. People who are serious about getting into a relationship aren’t desperate they’re determined. They know that if they divert their attention, even a little, they could miss opportunities to meet the right person. They go out often, they look their best, and they read books on relationships or even sign up for coaching. They make the necessary changes in their lives that improve their chances of finding love and they make room in their lives for love. Most importantly, they aren’t embarrassed to admit that they want a relationship. They think about this relationship and they make choices that are aligned with their desires such as attending more parties, joining clubs or volunteering.
TAKE YOUR WALLS DOWN
Getting into a relationship starts with creating an attachment between you and other people. Your ability to create this attachment will determine your chances of having a relationship. This attachment is what makes someone want to see you again, think of you when you’re gone and ultimately commit to you. The reason some single men and women suck at building attachment is because they’re guarded. They make excuses and create arbitrary roadblocks to actually keep love out.
The misconception about walls is that they will protect you from unnecessary hurt. While this could be true you also make creating intimacy and attachment impossible. If you have a wall up, for any reason, you are keeping out the love you say you want. In order to get into a relationship you have to be accessible emotionally and physically. This means you have to open the door to intimacy and let other people in. This includes inviting physical touch, asking personal questions and being brutally authentic. Many people will say, “I have to have a wall up, you don’t understand I’ve been hurt.”
Louise Hay, motivational author and founder of Hay House says this, “You have the power to heal your life, and you need to know that. We think so often that we are helpless, but we’re not. We always have the power of our minds… Claim and consciously use your power.” There are no reasons for walls in dating. Walls only prevent you from giving all that you can to another person. You can’t be caring, authentic or invested in someone else because people with walls up view giving as losing. They believe that if they give they won’t have.
If you have a wall up you prevent any attachment between you and the person you want to date. While you will protect your heart you will never find the relationship that you want.
CHANGE THE WAY THAT YOU THINK ABOUT DATING
Mindset is one of the most important aspects of your success in life. How you think creates what you have. The reason you haven’t found the relationship that you’ve always wanted, and deserve, is due to the way you think about dating. Let go of any excuses that make finding love impossible.
Instead of thinking that you can’t, start strategizing about how you can. What can you do to improve the way people respond to you? Often when I suggest that single men and women make personal changes they are offended. The response I get is, “Why do I have to change, why aren’t the (insert other sex that should change) changing?” The reason you should change how you think about dating is because you have to live with the results. Why are you holding onto beliefs that don’t serve you? What good is a belief system that gives you exactly what you don’t want? If you are single and you want a relationship then it’s you’re responsibility to figure out how to get one and blaming others or making excuses won’t cut it.
You have to change. You have to go from a person who is single to a person who is in a relationship and that will be a slightly different person. Einstein stated you can’t solve a problem with the same thinking you used to create it.
Question what you believe about dating and constantly ask yourself if what you believe is true. Choose to play devil’s advocate with everything you think about dating or the opposite sex. Ask yourself: what if the opposite was true? By opening your mind you put yourself in a position to change your outcomes.
Getting into a relationship might seem difficult because you don’t know how to do it. First, ask yourself what you would need to do to get into one. You need to find a loving partner, create attachment then secure commitment. This might require you to have a strategy, work out more, go out more, meet new people, travel, get coaching, or read books on the subject. You might also want to meditate, journal and build your confidence. You could also consider asking better questions, improving your listening skills, or being more positive.
If you want to be in a relationship in the next year, month or even tomorrow it’s possible but you have to know how. If you rely purely on luck then you’ll never find the love that you deserve. Decide that you want to a relationship and start a strategy that will get you there. I hope this was helpful.