Dating is a game and single men and women are the players.
Someone once asked me what the prize was and it’s a partner. When you play the dating game correctly you find a person or multiple people who want to be on your team, and play with you, instead of against you.
One challenge of the dating game is winning other players over. This can be done in multiple ways and playing hard to get is one of them.
Any dating expert will tell you that playing hard to get isn’t as effective as actually being hard to get but to become takes practice. Being hard to get requires the skillful art of setting boundaries, a talent many people lack. So sometimes you have to fake it before you make it.
The following techniques are easy ways to appear hard to get and raise your perceived value without feeling like a fraud.
End The Date First
Set a time limit on your dates no matter how much fun you’re having. Let them know that you’re enjoying yourself and you would love to stay longer but you can’t.
You will likely surprise your date and this will pique their curiosity.They’ll want to know more about you in hopes of “figuring you out,” so they’ll likely ask you out again.
You’re showing the other person that you have higher priorities than them so they will try to become your number one priority. We all want to be number one.
They will internalize your wanting to end the date and try harder to gain your affections. Out of fear they did something wrong, or turned you off in some way they will go out of their way to accommodate you on the next date.
You’ve probably heard the phrases:
- End on a high note
- Leave the audience wanting more
- Too much of a good thing is actually bad
Apply these concepts to your dates and end the date first. If you hang on too long you might come across as desperate or needy.
Don’t Answer Calls Or Texts After 10pm
No matter how great the date was or how much you like this person don’t answer texts after 10 pm. Earlier if you’d like but 10 pm the latest.
Your date will wonder what you’re doing. They will wonder if you’re on another date. You will stay on their mind until they know where you were. It gives you an excuse to text them the next day and start a new conversation thread. Most people immediately answer texts out of fear that they will lose the other person’s attention or anger them if they don’t. A confident person understands this and they will text you just to text, not because they like you.
Late night texts are a way for your dates to confirm that you’re not dating anyone else. The faster you reply and the later it is the less popular you look.
Smart daters will ask you questions as a way of evaluating you and dumb daters will fall right into the trap. Every question isn’t about the answer; it’s about your reaction to the question.
Those who use every question as an opportunity to explain their self-worth and convince their date of their high value often face rejection because their date has “figured them out.” In order to avoid this learn how to dodge questions.
Avoid questions about your ex, and other unflattering topics by looking into their eyes and giving them a compliment. Master the subtle art of changing the subject. If your dates notice just say, “I’m really interested in getting to know you.”
Expressing yourself can bond you to someone quickly. You feel that because they asked, they care. Sharing a secret, intimate detail or by telling your date something you have never told anyone else can make you feel attached to them.
Once you’re bonded with your date, you will do anything to maintain the feeling of release you get when expressing yourself. By avoiding the questions you dodge this bonding bullet.
Most people say too much on their dates. They spend too much time talking about themselves instead of asking questions of their dates. You falsely believe that if someone asks the question they want to know the answer but that’s not true.
There are ulterior motives in questions and so avoid the trap by cleverly changing the subject.
Don’t Have Sex With Them
Think of it this way, if someone is having sex with you before they know you then they don’t value you. If they don’t value you then you shouldn’t be having sex with them. Sex is not a means to an end it is an end. My view on having sex outside of a committed relationship has always been: what qualifies them to be in your body?
Qualifying is the most enticing aspect of dating. When someone knows the requirements they meet them if they’re really interested. If the person you’re dating understands that they have to know you better to sleep with you then they get to know you better. If you’re a wonderful person, as I assume you are, this will only work in your favor.
If you don’t feel you’re worth getting to know then you will sleep with someone too soon and they will judge you. It’s natural.
Don’t Talk About Them
If you find yourself telling your friends, co-workers, dentist and anyone who will listen about the person you went on a date with you’re creating an attachment to them without realizing it.
Every time you mention your date you are adding to their appeal. You’re turning what might have been an average time into an amazing time by embellishing your experience. The more you talk about them the more you’re convincing yourself of how much you like them. You must really like them because you’re talking about them so the more you talk about them the more you think you like them. Just shut up.
When you talk about the person you’re dating you’re essentially bragging which is egotistical. When your ego is in charge it will do everything in its power to stay that way even committing your feelings to someone you barely know.
By avoiding the subject you make it less important, de-emphasizing the anxiety and fear that comes along with it. You won’t feel so invested in the outcome of the relationship if you put a limit on the attention you give it.
These techniques can’t work on their own but they’re a great place to start. In order to win someone over you must also be fun, engaging and interested in getting to know the person you’re dating.
A balance of both will make you highly desired and attractive to anyone. I hope this was helpful.