Do you know who you are?
In one of my favorite books, Emotional Resilience, self-esteem is classified as the difference between the person you think you are to the person you think you should be.
Sometimes the difference is so confusing that instead of understanding who we are, we hold tight to an image of who we’re not and lament in the fact that we ARE NOT who we want to be.
You’re not thin enough, rich enough, independent, successful, married, a wife, a mother, a doctor, and the list goes on.
Some people are over labeled.
The person you want to be is tied into a title but if I ask you again, who you are you might tell me in labels because that is how you see yourself.
In dating labels are important. What you do, where you work, and how you look are important factors. They can determine whether potential dates give you a chance or not.
Unfortunately, we’re judged by the labels others give to us, instead of the ones we give ourselves.
In dating, you will be judged. You can’t get around this fact but the key is to be judged not by who someone thinks you are but by how you make them feel.
So I’ll let you slide if you don’t know who you are or if you can’t articulate that just yet, because right now you only need to become one thing: someone that makes others feel good.
When you think about what dating is its simple.
- You meet someone.
- You agree to go somewhere together.
- You have a great time and agree to meet again.
- You continue to make plans to do things with each other with the intention of building intimacy emotional and sometimes physical.
The reason you aren’t succeeding in dating could be because potential dates fail to want to build intimacy with you.
You might think that means that you’re not smart enough, fun enough, attractive enough or wealthy enough but none of these are the case.
All you need to be is someone who makes other people feel good.
So how do you transform into that person. Here are a few basic tips. Although this just scratches the tip of the iceberg, its food for thought.
Have no agenda.
Unfortunately to get what you want you have to pretend that you want nothing. Appearing to want nothing from another person absolves them from having to withhold it. It allows them the freedom to be themselves. That makes them feel good.
Limit the time you spend with potential dates. Never completely allow them to absorb your schedule. Don’t be afraid to say no. When you are confidant in who you are you can raise the confidence of others. When you set boundaries you show confidence. You send the message that you respect yourself. That means you’re capable of respecting them.
I don’t want you to fake your happiness just to be able to date. When you meet people for the first time you should enjoy their company. That should make you smile and somewhat happy. Give that positive energy back by smiling. Not like a weirdo, learn how to genuinely smile when you are pleased.
Nothing is more soothing than someone who listens. Too often in dating men and women start frivolous and superficial conversations. Neither listens to the other. When you listen you respond appropriately, you don’t ask the same questions and you allow the other to express themselves. Say less, listen more.
If you begin to employ these tips with the soul purpose of allowing potential dates to feel good about themselves and your interaction your love life will change.
I guarantee this.