I came across an article by Jillian Michaels in this months’ Glamour magazine. She’s a woman who I truly admire. She has incredible discipline, which I believe is the key to success. She offered advice on 5 things you shouldn’t give a sh*t about and I couldn’t agree more.
What a great concept to share with you because I can tell that right now, you care a little too much about everything. Dating is NOT as much of a crapshoot as singles would like to believe. There are great dates everywhere. If you’re looking for the love of your life, you have to get into the practice of meeting more people.
The reason many singles avoid the groundwork is because they’re too concerned with the wrong things. Your fears and your friends are controlling your love choices.
You are so concerned with what you believe about dating and love that you’re crippling yourself when it comes to meeting the right person. You can let the universe help you attract love but not if you allow your misconceptions to guide you.
You are not in control.
You think that you are but what’s really driving your misfortune and poor luck in dating is what you believe about dating that has been shoved down your throat by society, friends, and movies and even so-called dating experts.
So stop worrying about what doesn’t serve you.
What Other People Have
No two people will ever have the same relationship. Ever! No matter how big a ring your co-worker is wearing or how many women your cousin has slept with, that will never be you. What goes on in other people’s life works for them, it’s not meant for you. Deal.
We are so conditioned to live in comparisons, and I get that but you NEED to stop. You will never be anyone else. You won’t even be me, although you can date like me, we will never have the same experiences.
So craft your own desirable experience.
What do you want out of your love life? Do you even know? This is beyond, finding the one or your person. (Someone tell me when that word became a thing) This is about deciding whether you want true love, more dates, sex or just positive attention from the opposite sex.
Build your goals around what fits your life and not based on what other people have in theirs.
Some relationships won’t last.
Some people won’t see in you what you want them to see. Sometimes you’ll make a fool of yourself. Maybe multiple times so just accept that. It’s okay. Looking at your love life with the idea that you can fail is your first mistake.
Are you prepared to accept that there’s a person in this world meant for you? How can you possibly fail at something that wasn’t meant to be yours? The idea of failing in a relationship or at dating just means that you won’t get what you want. How can you say that you’ve failed when you don’t even know what you’re trying to accomplish?
If you just want to be accepted or you’re just trying to find someone willing to deal with you then you’ve already failed.
Having a Perfect Childhood
If you live in a first world country as I do, it’s likely that your childhood left you ill prepared to be loved. It wasn’t our parents’ fault per say, they just didn’t know how much their behavior influenced how we would look for love or love others.
But if you want to grow as a person you have to be willing to heal whatever emotional childhood wounds, that are still plaguing you. Whether you had wonderful parents or terrible ones, it’s likely that you didn’t grow up completely unchanged by your experience from birth to 18.
But that’s okay.
Stop pretending that what happened in your youth has no effect on your dating behaviors because they do. So you didn’t have a perfect childhood, you shouldn’t be ashamed. Take a look at how things that have hurt you in your past, or youth, have made you stronger today.
The biggest complaint I hear about men from women and from women about men: they’re boring. That’s right. How can we all be so different yet all be so lame? The truth is, we all have so many unique stories and qualities yet we spend our time trying to be like everyone else.
When you’re competing with others, which most adults do, you’re playing in their lane, running their race and that makes you just like them just not as good. If you can embrace the fact that you’re different, and that’s a good thing, you’ll be much better at dating.
The people who find and flaunt what make them unique are successful in life. Don’t try to sell yourself as just like so and so but better.
Guess what, you’re just like no one but that’s a good thing.
What The Odds Say
There was once an article published in Newsweek that stated a 40-year-old woman had a better chance of being killed by a terrorist than getting married. It turned out to be wrong.
When you’re Oprah, Michael Jordan, Ben Affleck or any notable person, the odds are not in your favor. In fact, many people that make the record books are there because they’ve done what no one else ever has.
You want to get married and have kids, that’s cool but the odds say that you will likely be miserable and get divorced.
There are studies that support anything we might want to believe. Are the numbers against you, or are the odds against you? Are you more likely to be the victim of a terrorist attack than find the love of your life, maybe so?
Your life has not been written. If you want to find a great partner then the only thing that will ensure you will is actually doing the work. You get healthy by eating right and exercising, not by hope or faith. If you want a great love life, you have to act. You have to do more than just accept what society tells you.
You have to stop caring about those things that don’t matter. If you can do that, you will get what you want. I guarantee it.