5 Reasons He’s Not Into You

The most common question I find women ask themselves in dating is ‘does he like me?’

Since the best-selling book, “He’s Just Not That Into You”, that introduced the signs of when a man isn’t interested, women have been long wondering, ‘Why the hell not?’


Your smart, beautiful, funny, interesting, independent and a host of other qualities that men claim to want. Yet when you meet potential dates, instead of locking you down for the dime that you are, men act aloof. So why aren’t men knocking your door down asking for a date?


Every woman has experienced interactions with a man who no matter how hard you tried, he acted like he just couldn’t be bothered. So what did you do, if anything, to turn him off? Unless you’re absolutely not his type, if you have a vagina you’re qualified, men tend to get turned off by the same traits and for the same reasons more often than not.


In the most basic scenario it’s likely you’ve met a man and you want him to ask for your number. Let’s say he has asked and you’re waiting for his text or your first date. All goes well and you anxiously a wait a second date but all of a sudden, he’s ghost.

The courtship falls short of your desired outcome and you can’t help but scratch your temple. Was it something you did or said that turned him off? Likely but what?

Maybe, You didn’t dress the part.

Dating can sometimes seem like a lifelong audition for best supporting actress in the film called his life. If you’re gong to claim the part, you have to look the part. Men are visual creatures.


They like to look you in the eyes, ogle your body and fantasize about you while they’re with you. When you’re not a man’s physical type it’s almost impossible to turn that into anything more. Yes, it sucks but it’s the reality. Men are less forgiving about a woman’s physical appearance than vice versa. Not to say that you have to strut like a runway model and eat half the calories. But your idea of beauty shouldn’t compete with his idea of sexy. When a man finds you sexy, it doesn’t matter what you’re wearing. And being sexy or beautiful is about confidence not the clothing you wear.

Maybe, Your past got in the way.

It might sound silly but the men in your past can impact future relationships. Either you’ve dated a friend or too many dates period, men judge you by who you’ve dated. That might seem unfair and a double standard but its real life.

Men do take into consideration who you’ve been with.


Avoid sharing your dating past with current dates until its necessary for them to know you’re history. Leave who you’ve dated to a need to know basis. Unless you need to explain an ex-husband or baby daddy, I would glide over the subject.

Maybe, You’re coming on too strong.

I’m never the one to say that men are that bright. I respect most men but I don’t always see them as logical. They can perceive interest as thirst and dismiss a chick that’s genuinely into them. Some women are desperate to find “the one”and come on too strong or move too fast.


Other women see being aggressive as being progressive. Taking the courtship into your hands might feel empowering to you but come across controlling to a man. Moving too fast or coming on too strong is a turnoff to almost anyone.

When a man is into you, he should pursue you. Yes, there are exceptions to every rule and people surely try their hardest to be the exception but more often than not men ask and women answer. Don’t feel like you need to be aggressive to win him over. You don’t.

Maybe, You’re insecure.

While many women ask why doesn’t he like me, a few who ask why does he. These types of women kick a gift horse in the mouth when they should be happy to be meeting a wonderful guy. After all, isn’t that what we all want?


Instead of celebrating, some women are depressingly self-conscious, insecure and unconfident.

You feel excited about the date but you’re constantly apologizing when you’re on it. Or you’re saying negative things about yourself. There are a million and one ways to appear insecure and men can pick up on these behaviors pretty quickly.

You don’t want to question a man’s intentions; you want to find out! Of course he’s dating you because you’re amazing but it doesn’t hurt to confirm this by getting his input. Thinking that you don’t deserve the man you’re with is a good way not to be with him.

Maybe, He’s taken.

While emotional unavailability is sometimes a convenient excuse men use to avoid intimacy, it can sometimes be the real deal. Maybe your intentions were misconstrued but men can be preoccupied with priorities that trump dating you.


He might be married, in love with an ex or just career obsessed. For whatever reason his time and interest are taken up by someone else or something else. There isn’t much you can do to combat this. It’s healthy to be realistic and not beat yourself up about this situation. You can’t compete with med school or a former flame.


That’s nothing to feel bad about. You want a man that’s focused on being the best partner for you.

Dating takes a mutual effort. When a man isn’t into you that doesn’t mean that you’ve done something wrong.


I hope this was helpful.

1 thought on “5 Reasons He’s Not Into You

  1. Sometimes a man can be JUST NOT READY. I’ve experienced this and you can be the best woman in the world, you will NEVER be good enough for a man that isn’t ready. See my post, “doesn’t matter.” I was told by someone I fell for that I’m an amazing woman, everything he has wanted and he couldn’t ask for more, but he wasn’t ready for all I offered which was a serious relationship and expectations.

    SO sometimes it’s NOT the woman, sometimes it’s him. He might have just come out of a divorce, or a long term relationship and he may be emotionally damaged. This is the hardest pill to swallow also, because you know you’re a good woman and you bring to the table anything a man ready would die for but the one person you want, isn’t ready and there’s nothing you can do about it, but MOVE THE F ON!

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