Dating is a tricky thing in today’s era. In the old days, the main purpose of dating was to meet a life partner, a spouse and to get married. For a long time singles didn’t think about soul mates or happiness, if they liked each other enough they made the commitment and got married. Today, times have changed.
We date for so many reasons beyond just marriage and life commitment.
We date because we’re bored, insecure, looking for sex and ultimately to heal wounds we acquired as children. It can be exhausting. On top of all that we make dating harder with our own personal issues. My advice, stop it. No really stop it.
Recognize what you do wrong and just stop doing it
My expertise is based on my experience. What I’ve seen in my 12 years of adulthood has brought me to the conclusion that what holds most people back from their own personal happiness also contributes to their dating woes. Unfortunately, as adults we fall victim into believing what sounds good or seems right instead of accepting the truth. I hate to break it to you but you’re naive, you just don’t get it.
- Lacking worldly experience and understanding
- Showing or characterized by a lack of sophistication and critical judgment
Adopting your own perception of how people should be and how people actually are can be detrimental if not based in reality. Do you understand people, more importantly the opposite sex? Just because you are not the type of person that lies, has sex, complains or any other saintly attribute doesn’t mean the person you date will be the same.
Are you sure you understand how people are?
It isn’t just a matter of what you don’t know but what you don’t get. Those subtle cues of rejection that comes when dates don’t have the guts to tell us the truth or the slight hints that says someone you never thought were interested, all pass you by.
Working in sales has taught me a lot about human behavior and psyche. Why people buy isn’t a secret, it’s widely shared information between marketing gurus and sales professionals.
Dating is selling
If you don’t know your customer, in this case your potential date(s), you’re harming your chances of being successful. A pretty face and a nice personality isn’t the formula for dating success.
You have to resonate with the person that you’re interested in. You have to know what they are looking for and present yourself as the best possible candidate for the job. You have to be completely informed.
Human beings are subject to doing what we have always done.
- We want what we can’t have.
- We are impulsive.
- We ignore the truth for the fiction that sounds better.
- We live in denial and perpetuate other disadvantageous behaviors.
If you want to date successfully, you have to accept the reality of the dating world and potential dates. This means understanding that most people are probably less like you than you think. This means accepting that the men and women you may meet are dishonest, commitment phobic, selfish, all hype etc. Or maybe it means accepting that what you want might not really be what you need out of a courtship.
While reality may sound gloomy and hard, it’s actually very liberating. When you know how people are and how the modern dating game works, you can save yourself lots of time, money and emotional investment.
Don’t look at being naïve as meaning that all potential dates have hidden agendas. Realize and accept that all people have agendas, all you need to do is find out what it is. And have one of your own.