When you’re single, the one question that you can’t help but ask yourself is ‘what went wrong?’
Everyone wants to know why things don’t work out between someone we think is perfect. Was it something you did, said, or were they seeing someone else. You can’t help but wonder was it you? Or them?
When I started this blog my intentions were to share with men what I thought they did wrong in dating. I was going on lots of dates and passing on every guy that was pursuing me. I consider myself a catch so I thought I was doing a service to men, sharing with them my insights.
Having been in the advice game a few years now, I’ve come to realize that what goes for men equally apply to women because people are people. Human nature is such that there are some tricks that either always work or always fail. If you do any of the following you’re setting yourself up for failure when it comes to dating the person you desire. Now before you start to object, understand that this isn’t meant to make you feel bad, these tips are meant to make you a better dater.
Wouldn’t you rather be the person doing the dissing than the one being dismissed?
I thought so.
1. Your expectations are too high
You can’t determine someone else’s actions. No matter what you think you deserve, the boundaries you set or how you feel you should be treated you can’t make someone else drink the Kool Aid if they don’t want to. Chill out. We all have to accept that what we want isn’t always what we get. It takes a mature person to keep expectations reasonable.
2. You’re not what they’re looking for
While you may consider yourself a 10, the person you’re dating slightly disagrees. There are some people with a crisp, clean vision of their ideal partner. You ain’t it. The sad part is with a little research and self-awareness you could be. What you want and what your potential date is looking for is an easy marriage when you understand attraction and chemistry. Because at the end of the day once you have chemistry, your date will take the time to investigate who you are before they make a decision to end things with you.
3. You weren’t enough of a challenge
You gave it up too easily, whatever “it” was. Maybe it was your time, your body, your affection, you name it, you gave it up without a fight. When we’re dating, we want to know that someone likes us for who we are. You want to know that the person you’re dating is doing something for you because they know you and they like you. Without getting to know a person you’re offering precious parts of yourself without a challenge and it turns your potential date off.
4. You want too much too soon
The key to successful relationships is patience. If you can’t let intimacy come in its own time you can come across as needy or desperate. If you have a timeline of when you want to be in a relationship, meet the parents, announce an anniversary or make it official, you’re putting your courtship in jeopardy.
5. Someone else beat you to it
The perfect partner you think you’ve met has already met someone else. Maybe they weren’t sure if this person was going to be the “one” or possibly they were scared that they would. Either way, the one waiting in the wings has beaten you to the relationship punch. You have to understand that when it comes to dating timing is everything. If you don’t meet at the right time, there is nothing you can do.
Who likes you and who doesn’t can be controlled by you. Your ability to turn a potential date off can easily be channeled into the ability to turn your date on. When you begin to understand one side of the fence, you can position yourself to the other.