I spent last night skimming through the chapters of ‘50 Shades of Grey’ a new fiction trilogy that’s getting lots of buzz and great reviews. The main character Christian Grey has an almost unnatural sex appeal that the books female lead can’t explain or resist. Although I’m sure his multi-million dollar net-worth has something to do with it.
In the book, now a movie, this young woman finds herself doing things she’s never done before or imagined herself doing, all the while engulfed and aroused by Mr. Grey’s magnetism.
In the author’s world the female character is “hypnotized” but in the real world she’s ‘dickmatized’. A common affliction of women who have never had good sex.
Even though I was a late bloomer but I have always known that sexual desire makes men and women do things they would never imagine themselves being driven to do. Not in a million years. The problem with sexual desires and lust, is that it’s often masked or misinterpreted. It’s the driving force behind many people’s action yet they fail to identify it’s importance. When you’re single and find yourself unreasonably drawn to certain people it’s not because they’re magnetic it’s because you’re horny.
You know how scientist say that most often when we feel hungry, we’re actually just thirsty? Dating is no different. You think you’re feeling a deep connection with someone you’re dating but in actuality what you feel is lust. If you haven’t learned to understand your sexual desire you’ll find yourself confused in the dating world.
I am in no way a sex expert, but I do know that men and women grossly misunderstand sexual desire. First, it has always been the assumption that women mistake sex for love, ‘50 Shades of Grey’ does not help to dispel this theory. When a woman is driven by sexual desires she’s not seeking love she’s seeking attachment, attention and physical touch. When men are driven by lust or sexual desire they often mistake casual signs of courtesy as indicators of interest. They believe they’re acting out of kindness but they’re actually acting out of the hope of getting laid.
What I’m getting at is the truth many singles want to deny, you are horny. Whether you have never had sex or you haven’t had it in a long time, your body wants to procreate so the desire to have sex will always be in you. The key is to identify when it’s a driving force in your actions.
The unwillingness to believe in the power of your own sexual desires it what leads many people to pursue the wrong relationships. If you want to exercise your free will to fight it, do so, but don’t deny its existence all together. This will be incredibly dangerous to your love life.
Pheromones remind us that we desire sex the same way fresh-baked cookies remind us that we LOVE sugar.
But it’s not just about sex. Regardless of your willpower, or denial, if someone you like is showing you attention, or in close proximity to you, you will get aroused without your body giving you any for warning. This is when sexual desire, desperation and downright horniness can cloud one’ s judgment.
I’m going to be honest (I always am): when you fall on the side of the fence of the desired, you can tell a horny, lustful and act of desperation from a mile away. There are very few desirable and attractive people that can’t tell when they arouse someone else. You want them (sexually) and they know it.
Confident and sexy people know when you want to have sex with them. They know that you are under their spell and that you are in denial of your own desires. They will use this against you if they can. They will give you false indicators of interest because they understand that you’re desire for sexual contact is so strong you will do anything to please them. They can use this to their advantage.
All the while you’re thinking thoughts like, ‘I like this person SO much’, ‘ We get along so well’, ‘They really understand me,’ ‘We have such a great connection when we’re together.’ When in actuality you have an overwhelming sexual desire for them that is driving your actions, and you don’t even realize it.
In dating the only person that doesn’t realize that your actions are motivated by lust and sexual desire are you.
Any person that has ever been desired will recognize that desire immediately. They will see your need for it and they will date you to exploit it. My suggestion if you feel an incredible attraction to someone or claim to like someone a lot: do NOT have sex with this person.
Have sex with other people if you can but not the person you’re actually interested in having a long-term relationship with. This might sound counter intuitive because often once single men and women find willing sexual partners they cling to them. This will likely happen to you so if you have a relationship that you feel has promise, I do recommend holding off on sex.
If you find it difficult to find others who want to have sex with you, I suggest you take this opportunity to explore why. Explore what makes you sexy and take control of your confidence and sexual appeal. If you want to build desire then you have to hone in on what makes you desirable.
My advice is to take inventory on your desires and pay attention when they draw you to the wrong people. You can’t ignore sexual attraction; your body will react when it is aroused. Be aware of your desire and don’t let your desire be the driving force in your dating life.
I hope this was helpful.