After years of giving dating advice I constantly meet people who haven’t learned the importance of adding value.
Whether they feel their presence is a gift in itself, most of the time when people fail in dating it’s because they are not adding enough value to their partners’ life. This couldn’t be more obvious than in the first few minutes of conversation with a stranger.
While you might not be deeply invested in the lives of everyone you meet the ability to be of interest to them isn’t a trait I find most people can turn on or off.
The belief that when you meet the right person you will instantly wow them with your personality, despite the fact that you haven’t had this effect on others, is a little misguided. When I meet new people, it’s easy to determine whether they’re interesting or not. How, you may ask, can I be the judge of who is interesting and who isn’t?
It’s a simple thing called chemistry.
When we are interested in people our body responds. We feel a sense of anticipation, delight, we are engaged in what they have to say and we feel to put it plainly, good.
Let’s say you meet a potential date and you would like to get to know them. Within a few seconds of seeing each other you are in close enough proximity to spark a conversation. You have a very small window to claim this person’s interest and show that you are worth more time and effort.
How do you do it?
If you haven’t had a date in a while the answer could be that you don’t. If you’ve had a series of first dates that have never manifested into anything serious, then you probably don’t do it very well.
Enough finger-pointing, you’re probably asking well, how is it done. How does one meet multiple strangers and seem interesting enough to them to create chemistry and significance?
Your mental checklist should be as follows, are you smiling. Have you shared a compliment? Are you standing up straight, to show confidence and thinking to yourself, positive thoughts? Are you making eye contact? And most importantly are you fully engage in the moment.
No one will be interested in you if you don’t show genuine interest in them. Ask questions and listen to the answers. Respond appropriately to statements this person makes. If the person you are talking with mentions they’re in a hurry, don’t casually drag on the encounter as if you haven’t gotten the message.
Alter your expectations.
Regardless of if you’re single or not, everyone should develop a positive attitude to meeting others. Every encounter is a chance for a meaningful connection. Now this doesn’t mean you engage in conversation with any bum off the street, but it means when you are in conversation, no matter with who, take it as an opportunity to practice the processes.
I know that many singles believe that they will know the “One” when they meet them. Often we don’t pay attention to the impression we’re making on anyone else. If you aren’t in the habit of having successful encounters with most people you meet then you are likely not to have them with potential dates.
What is a successful meeting? If someone says, “It was a pleasure to meet you.” It should be true.