Before I had a smart phone I had an extensive argument with a guy over how to use the word pant. Sound stupid? Yeah, it was and so was he. Nowadays I would’ve searched Google, but I didn’t have that convenience at the time. Arguing is a waste. I want you to stop doing it RIGHT NOW!
Ask yourself, why do I need to be right?
Don’t get it twisted, you’re more than welcomed to debate but do you know the difference between first and second-degree murder? Intent. Do you know what can make a crime a hate crime? Mindset. When you’re talking to a potential date, it’s easy to tell when an argument is arising because you not only set out to prove a point but you physically feel threatened.
Your heart starts to race and you almost get anxiety. You furiously think of statements to prove your point and you no longer engage in the conversation you’re eager to dominate it.
The difference between an argument and a simple conversation is the message we are sending. Conversations should be engaging, enlightening and entertaining. Arguments are none of these.
I don’t think you should ever argue with potential dates simply because many people don’t know how to argue effectively. Many people believe that all disagreements must be resolved by arguing. The problem is to disagree simply means you’ve heard a point of view that you don’t believe.
A valid argument is one in which the premises are true, someone is right and someone can be proven wrong.
Just because it’s your opinion, or you think so, does not make it a true premise.
I don’t think you should argue with anyone you don’t know very well. I don’t think you should argue with potential dates. While it might sound like a crazy request, it’s completely unnecessary to argue. Especially when facts can be proven as easily as just checking Google.
So this is what I want you to remember before your next argument:
Are you listening?
Are you absorbing what the other person is saying or are you simply waiting for your turn to respond. You can turn an argument to a discussion by asking the person what they mean. Rephrase what you think they have said and ask them if you have it correctly. Take a few moments before you respond instead of speaking on top of the other person.
Is it more important to know the truth or to be right?
Can you just Google it? If you’re arguing your opinion and feel insistent on the other person seeing things your way ask yourself why? Why do you feel that you have anything to prove? Why are you determined to change this person’s opinion?
Do you feel a physical change?
Is your voice raised, your blood pressure up, are you standing closer, or crossing your arms to be closed off? What physically changes has happened since you started the argument. In order to discuss a topic, no hard feelings, make sure you remember to smile. There is no hard feelings right? So toss a smile so the energy can stay light and positive. Just because you’re arguing doesn’t mean you have to seem angry.
Can you end without a resolution?
If the conversation is ended abruptly are you ok with that? Do you feel like you have to bring this subject up again? Must there be a resolution? Can you move on to another topic without feeling like you’ve been slighted?
We all have an opinion that feels good to share but it’s not what we share but how. It’s easy to embrace differences when we’re able to still like the person we’re talking to afterwards.