The logic is simple; you don’t want to get hurt. It’s better to say the grapes are sour than to want them and never get a taste. It’s even harder to accept when someone seems interested in us. We are even more afraid to like the people that like us, but why?
I want to challenge you to admit to yourself two things.
1. That you like the person that you are dating
2. What you like about the person that you’re dating.
Often times instead of going with our positive feelings we attempt to talk ourselves out of liking those who contest and confuse us. Of course if you were dating Ryan Gosling you would profess your love. If Katy Perry called you up, you would tell the world how deeply you felt for her.
When we find ourselves attracted to those who aren’t quite our ideal, who aren’t on our “list” or aren’t perfect specimens we don’t know why we like them and convince ourselves that we can’t like them.
This idea of protecting yourself from hurt, pain, disappointment and other unwanted feelings in dating, is a fallacy. You can’t. You will only get what you give back.
If you want honesty, be honest. If you want genuine love, love genuinely. You can’t expect loyalty if you aren’t loyal in return.
When you try to manipulate the situation to gain an upper hand, you’ll find more insecurities in the relationship than would have occurred organically. Dating is one of those practices where you can only control what you do.
Nothing will ever go as planned unless you let it follow a path bigger than what your little mind can conceive. How easy would life be if we could will ourselves to feel the way we wanted?
Who would ever want to feel jealous, angry, insecure or unattractive? No, we would all feel fine. Except, pretending to feel fine isn’t the same as being fine and pretending not to care deeply about the people we date, who touch our lives… well, I think you get the point.
If you want to be successful at dating, date the people you like and admit to yourself when and why you like them. It should be a long list of positives and if it doesn’t work out, don’t feel bad. Don’t blame yourself. Just because you hide your feelings doesn’t make them disappear. If it hurts, it will hurt either way.
So let yourself like someone, even if you don’t want to because pretending that you don’t won’t make a difference.
Simply, it doesn’t work.