When you’re single and you don’t want to be, is when I think dating is the easiest.
At the start of the year, I decided to journey with my readers on the quest to find meaningful and fulfilling love. I had to face the facts that dating successfully for most people meant finding commitment. It actually meant the end of dating and the start of a relationship. If that’s what it means for you, I understand.
I’m not going to try to convince you to be a bigger flirt or plan a date for every day of the week. I’m not going to convince you or try to for that matter that being single is awesome and embracing it will be the greatest gift you give yourself.
Nope. Instead, I’m going helping you get closer to that goal of yours. So how can you get the relationship that you want? The answer, ask for it. When you want anything in life, you have to ask for it. Dr. Phil says it often, ‘if you can name it, you can claim it’.
If you don’t admit right now that you want to be off the market, you won’t be. You’ll be stuck in the purgatory of superficial interactions and worse you’ll remain single. So if you want a relationship, I suggest you ask your date the following questions as soon as possible.
What are you looking you for?
When we go on dates with strangers this question is often asked but rarely answered. Your date wants to say, “Someone who isn’t a psycho, weirdo, creeper or criminal,” but what comes out of their mouth is, “I’m not sure.”
This question is critical for two reasons:
- It indicates that you have relationship on the brain. For the longest time this has been seen as a bad thing. It is often advised that the more cavalier you act about commitment the sooner you are to get it, but I don’t agree. I think you should act as if. If you want someone to be your boy/girlfriend, act as if they want that too. Or at least find out by asking.
- Your date will in turn ask you what you’re looking for, unless they’re self-absorbed. You can then tell them that you’re interested in a committed relationship. You’re not quite ready for marriage but you’ve dated several great people and have enjoyed being single but you realize it’s for a reason or a season. Even though you enjoyed it, you’re kind of over being single.
Are you looking for a Girl/Boyfriend?
Now let’s be clear. This isn’t a question one should expect a straight answer to. Again, your date might hit you with the; I don’t know. (They want to make sure you’re still paying for dinner) Whatever their answer, if it isn’t yes, that tells you a lot.
Once they ask you the same, you can honestly answer. “Yes, I am actually.” Don’t forget to throw in how being single has been the best time of your life and how much you learned, grew, gained etc. over the years but you’ve been there done that. It has been my experience that as a woman, wanting a relationship doesn’t automatically send a man running for the hills or vice versa. It’s really all about how you go about putting in your request.
Bashing your current lifestyle by saying you’re sick of being single or sharing that all of your friends are sad and lonely, scarier that they’re getting married, just makes you sound desperate. It also makes it seem that you hate being single so much that you just want to be in any relationship and you really don’t care with who. That’s not cute.
It’s okay to want a relationship but until you have one, all you’re doing is dating. So why not do it successfully?