While I enjoy the freedom that comes with dating successfully, after having done it for so long, I’ve stopped growing. I haven’t stopped learning things about myself but I am stunted in my ability to improve in the areas I am flawed because I lack a partner to heal my emotional wounds.
To learn more about you imago and healing relationships go here.
I realize most singles can’t find satisfaction in dating unless they know where the courtship is going. So while I know loads about dating and can still change your single experience, I know most of my readers would rather be in love. And furthermore be loved.
Because I believe that love and connection are the byproducts of good dating, I’m moving forward in my own life. I also believe that maybe my views on what makes a great relationship are a little unrealistic idealistic but while I’m jaded and happy I want to share my thoughts.
When feelings start to develop our perception becomes a gift and a curse. We look at some behaviors as the ultimate symbols of our partners’ love, letting minor acts of kindness and affection often going unnoticed.
In casual dating you can ignore such gestures. Oh, he bought you dinner, a dozen roses, an Ipad 3? As he should!
But in relationships it’s the little things that make up the big picture of what a generous, fulfilling love truly is. It’s the small acts and qualities that we can’t let slip past our radar without appreciation. Not only it is imperative that these behaviors be apart of your relationship, for it to be successful, its paramount that you acknowledge and appreciate such actions with gratitude.
If you want to embark on a healthy relationship, you won’t get far without these critical character traits in your man partner. (In my opinion)
Noun: The provision of what is necessary for the health, welfare, maintenance, and protection of someone or something.
Verb: Feel concern or interest; attach importance to something: “they don’t care about human life”.
Synonyms: Worry – concern – attention – solicitude
General concern for your partner’s well-being is essential for a healthy relationship. It’s not irrational to be alarmed if the man you’re dating doesn’t call you, text you or try to contact you in some capacity to find out if you’re still alive. Should you talk everyday, probably. Should you let work, friends or other responsibilities get in the way of showing concern for the person you’re dating, probably not?
1. Engrossed in thought; contemplative.
2. Exhibiting or characterized by careful thought: a thoughtful essay.
3. Having or showing heed for the well-being or happiness of others and a propensity for anticipating their needs or wishes <— THIS!
It takes a special person to pay attention to the needs and desires of the person they’re dating. It takes a certain will and want, to anticipate such needs and desires. In a happy, healthy, healing relationship it’s necessary to be thoughtful. To think ahead to what your partner might need. When you think something might be a ‘good idea’ it’s important that you act on it. Making coffee in the morning, thoughtful. Offering to do a favor, thoughtful.
Verb: Bear all or part of the weight of; hold up.
Noun: A thing that bears the weight of something or keeps it upright: “the best support for a camera is a tripod”.
Synonyms: Sustain – maintain – uphold – bear – back – favour
Knowing what I know about healing emotional wounds, I’ve learned it’s almost impossible to do it alone. We need support in our relationships. Not only do we need encouragement and congratulations, we need someone to be in our corner. To put it simply if the person you’re dating doesn’t think you can, it’s unlikely that you will. Often times, we look for approval from our partners and in the best relationships it comes.
Does someone have to love you to be supportive, of course not! Many people had parents they didn’t feel were too great on the support front but in a healthy relationship support is critical.
Does this sound ideal or unreal? Is it possible to find a thoughtful, caring, supportive man or woman?