Flirting is your best defense against anyone who has a guard up against you. It’s the first step to building trust with a stranger and it gives you permission to engage with whoever you’re speaking with on a deeper level.
I love to flirt. It’s my favorite form of communication and I rarely limit who is at the mercy of my special formula of smile, hair toss, wink and repeat. I was once asked if there is such a thing as excessive flirting? In my opinion, no. If it’s excessive or your behavior is somehow seen as negative or gratuitous, you’re just doing it wrong.
So what is the key to flirting?
Studies have said it’s sending the right message, to the right person in a manner that is understood. You don’t want your intentions to be misconstrued but you certainly don’t want it to go over your potential dates’ head. So how can you flirt, send the right message and walk away with a pleasant experience?
It’s a little easier than you think, yeah I know I always say that but this time it’s totally true.
Positive eye contact– Shifty eyes are sometimes seen as the behavior of a liar. If you want to come across as authentic and genuine learn to keep up at least a two second stare with whoever you’re speaking with. If looking someone in the eyes is difficult, consider practicing in the mirror or with a good friend. If that doesn’t work shift your stare from the eyes, to the nose then the mouth, finally back to the eyes.
Smiling- I’m incredibly self-conscious of my nowhere near perfect teeth but I love to smile and laugh because it makes me feel good. There are few of us who are in so much suffering that we can’t afford to crack a smile. Life is tough enough without us holding our good nature from each other. Nothing builds trust and good rapport like a genuine smile.
Compliment- If you are engaged in a conversation you should try to notice unique features of the person you’re speaking with. Compliments are easy because there is always something pleasant to say about all of us. Even if you try, “You’re so easy to talk to.” Think creatively and of course be honest but compliments are the one thing that everyone enjoys hearing.
Confirmation– Flirting is about creating positive feelings with whoever you’re talking with. If you creep people out or piss them off, you fail. Positive statements are hard to come by in most adult conversations. It’s so easy to start complaining, use egregious amounts of sarcasm and play the misery loves company card. Instead, use statements that affirm you’re listening, “What an interesting perspective.”
That your compliments are genuine, “You really do have shiny teeth.”
And that your intentions are on the up and up, “Thanks,” A short word that goes a long way.
Suggestion- When you want something in life you can’t just downright ask. You’re likely not to get it. In flirting when I want a free coffee or a possible upgrade, I have to make the suggestion, even if it has nothing to do with directly what I’m after, the simple suggestion, “Can I have that, will you give me this…” etc.
Close- I don’t encourage chitchat. Not when you are interested in getting to know a potential date a little better. I can’t stress enough the purpose of flirting: to have a positive interaction. When you walk away from the interaction there should be smiles on both parties’ faces. You’re either smiling because you successfully flirted, or you successfully flirted and it resulted in a date or possible free scone. You want to seal the deal and that includes getting what you want from the interaction with ease.
You have to end the conversation congruent to how it started. If you spent time in the checkout line talking about mangos, don’t ask your cashier for a date.
Flirting is a process that moves quickly, it’s simply talking with intention. You have to be aware from the moment you say hello that your exchange can make a difference. Don’t weigh it down with expectation but don’t overlook the opportunity to create chemistry or make a connection.
You can change someone’s day with a smile and great attitude or totally ruin it by being a jerk. Flirting is empowering, don’t deny others a positive interaction, it all starts and ends with you.