I try to explain to single people that there are potential dates everywhere. Literally, everywhere! For all the millions of people who have online profiles, these potential partners actually exist in the same world as you and I. So why is it so hard to find a “good” man or woman? Now I could be very vague and generic with my answer. I could tell you something fluffy to help you sleep at night and feel good but I’m not going to do that. I’m going to tell you the [dating] truth.
You care too much about what they will look like
The guy that I’m dating is very good-looking. My friends think he’s very good-looking and we have great chemistry.
I would never tell him that looks don’t matter that much to me because:
1. Men just don’t understand that concept
2. He might get the idea that I don’t think he’s attractive.
The truth is, looks don’t matter that much to me. I would never consider myself as having great taste in men in the past but looks were never a factor, I always had chemistry. That was what I focused on. Men and women who let physical appearance play too large a role in their selection process are bound to be single for a long time. While, some people think great looking partners mean that they have succeeded in their love life, it doesn’t ensure happiness. Right now, you’re single because you’re waiting for love to look like something it doesn’t.
I have dated a lot of men in my life and not all of them were, ‘the best looking’. The problem is that they thought that they were fine as hell. I wanted to let them know that it was their personality that I was attracted to but they insisted on acting like they were far better looking than they were. That’s pretty easy for men to do. Women are so insecure about their looks that even beautiful women have low self-esteem. Men on the other hand, assume that if you are talking to them or giving them the time of day, you must consider them as attractive as they find you.
If you only date candidates who look like someone you should be dating, you will likely be unhappy. You’re judging. That is not a good way to start a relationship. I suggest starting simple, with basic attraction. When you meet someone who you are attracted to, give them a real chance.
Don’t harp on the fact that they aren’t the right height, weight, race or build.
You refuse to put your f*cking foot down
Being a yes man or woman almost ensures that you’ll never get what you want. Don’t waste any more time, letting others decide what’s best for you. Many single people don’t realize that they are being blocked by time-wasters and that is why they can’t find the love that they’re looking for.
You have to set boundaries in life.
You have to make it clear to the people who you are dating, past and present what you will not stand for. If you have an ex in your life that is occupying space, cut them loose. If you are currently dating someone who is doing nothing but wilting your self-esteem, move on. When you don’t want to go out with someone, say no. Do them a favor and don’t waste their time. If you don’t want to give someone your number, don’t. You need to put limits on who you let into your life. Many of you are single because you let friends, family and ex-lovers cross boundaries and make demands that interfere with you finding love.
You’re a miserable person
If you aren’t happy in life, it’s possible that you are surrounded by unhappy people. It’s likely that you can’t understand what it feels like to be happy and your negative energy is chasing people away. Not everyone is self-aware. Adults refuse to accept that sometimes we pursue relationships because we are lonely, miserable and empty.
We feel unlovable and we look for validation in others, in ways that aren’t always constructive. If you have these negative feelings finding love might be difficult. No one wants to deal with your dark cloud.
I don’t have to remind you that there are miserable people out there. Women and men are angry and bitter. They lack energy, they overeat and they are negative. Does that sound like someone you would want to date? Of course not! It’s not my place to sugar coat reality, you might be a miserable person who is desperately looking to be accepted and that energy is chasing love away instead of attracting it. Check your personality at the door.
You want the right thing in the wrong package
It’s a nice way to say that you’re settling. When we find someone who makes us feel good, it’s easy to say that they are the one, but are they? Anyone who is married, dishonest, unreliable or means you harm needs to be shown the door. When times are good, it may feel like you have a functional relationship but when times are bad, they are really bad. That is when you know that you’re not with the right person.
Of course you can’t ever really “know” who is right or wrong for you, you can however be realistic. It’s the hardest concept to grasp in dating because we have spent so much time fantasizing about what love would be like. In the real world, sometimes it’s just not what we thought it would be. That’s okay. You want to be happy, you want to have the best intentions and you want to trust that the person you’re dating is down for you. If you can answer those three requirements, you’ll find the right person in no time. You at least will not be wasting time with the wrong one.