What To Do When You Just Aren’t Getting Any, Ask.

There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be.
Norman Mailer

Over a few months of summer last year, I set out to find the answer to a simple question: How do you get a man to have casual sex with you, on a regular basis?

Real casual. Like don’t call me unless you have an hour to spare and condoms, casual.

The many men that I asked laughed; claiming it was easy for women to have sex with anyone, just ask. All a woman had to do was ask a man or tell him really, that she only intended to have sex with him. Subsequently this man is supposed to jump at the chance.

So not true. I don’t care who you are or who you claim to be, you can’t tell anyone that you’re only interested in a sexual relationship and actually get one.

I’m not one for confrontation or hard conversations. The one time I engaged in a purely sexual relationship I had to answer the awkward, ‘I think I’m in love with you’ text. I didn’t take that news very well and looking back my answer was extremely inappropriate and I’ll admit insensitive.

That is what we all fear will happen. Someone will develop feelings for the other person. But no matter who you are, you can’t ask or tell another person that you want a purely sexual relationship. You can develop a purely sexual relationship by accident and it can be enjoyable but you can never save the time and energy it takes to have one by asking.

You cannot bypass the steps; you cannot pass Go and collect 200 dollars. No matter how you attempt to do it, if you ask someone just for sex (even if that’s what they want) you’ll never get it. Ever! But I think I know why, our ego.

Since I lost my dear beloved jump-off summer of ’10 I’ve been searching for an adequate replacement. Now our relationship was not the result of a straightforward, blunt conversation about a purely sexual relationship. Our interaction was the bastard child of failed attempts to date, him being dumb ass but attractive and convenience.

Had we been semi-good at anything else we might have been too compatible for a ‘friends with benefits’ without the friendship situation. Three years of trying to like each other with clothes on and failing we ended up as lovers.

Our egos want us to believe that because we are good, quality people no one could sleep with us and not have feelings for us. It’s just not possible, we’re amazing. When you start having sex with someone whether you like it or not, their self-esteem elevates. When you show that you don’t really care about them as a person, their self-esteem plummets. If this happens to you then you set out to prove that you are indeed a person worth dating, not just sleeping with. The all mighty ego won’t allow you to move on.

The moment we realize our lovers are sleeping with other people that they actually like, or would consider dating, our egos become incensed. And often without our being aware of it.  It just doesn’t make any sense that someone could sleep with us and not fall under our spell. At least that’s how it seems.

Sex is a very intimate thing that I guess by nature we must try to trivialize. It’s hard to get it when you want it and even harder to get it with who you want it with. Unfortunately, it’s become more than just a means to procreation, pleasure and exercise. It’s become a weapon, currency and sadly the source of attention, affection, intimacy and acceptance.

I plan on asking a man very soon just to engage in a sexual relationship and I’m going to see what he says and then what actually happens. Although the question is offensive, it’s almost like asking someone to shut up or for something they have but are not using. It’s uncomfortable but it gets you what you want. And maybe that’s why it’s a difficult pill to swallow. Maybe purely sexual relationships are just selfish. And it comes with the discriminating tone of ‘how dare you?’

Still, we do dare.

Have you ever had a purely sexual relationship? Yes, The Dating Truth wants to know.

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