We are told to let our light shine, and if it does, we won’t need to tell anybody it does. Lighthouses don’t fire cannons to call attention to their shining- they just shine.- Dwight L. Moody
Several men suffer from approach anxiety. It’s basically the fear a man feels before hitting on an attractive woman. Typically advice is given to men who have trouble getting over the fear of rejection.
We all want to feel accepted, liked and “good enough” for the person we’re attempting to impress. Facing rejection sucks balls and it’s a legitimate fear if you lack the confidence to bounce back.
Very rarely is there ever advice given to women about approach anxiety because for us it means something totally different. The way women feel about being approached is the anxiety.
The reason many women don’t flirt or are bad at flirting is because they fear they will send the wrong man, the wrong impression. Female approach anxiety breeds a similar mindset. Women don’t want to be approached by the wrong guy. They don’t want to have to turn him down and they don’t want to be put in an awkward situation.
Every woman has been hit on by a man she wasn’t interested in, at one time or another. Not only is it uncomfortable, this man likely didn’t take any hints and was persistent to the point of scary. It is a horrible situation when a man won’t take no for answer. This creates, in many women, a constant anxiety of not wanting to be approached and helplessness.
Just as a man may never want to feel as he did when he was rejected, a woman never wants to feel as she did when she was accosted.
This is why so many women mean mug and have an, “I don’t want to be bothered” energy. The men you don’t want are so much bolder than the men that you do. There also seems to be more of them.
Instead of letting their guard down and dealing with every lame, loser, Tom, Dick and scary Harry many women keep their guard up and hope the right man will still be persistent. He won’t.
This is why men have to learn to overcome approach anxiety in the first place. Women are not easy to approach because they are prepared for the worst. They have guards up to block against the bullshit and rightfully so. This is why some men call women intimidating. It’s not that they are afraid of you, they are afraid of who you will be when they talk to you. Mother Theresa or a monster.
So what should women do? You want to keep your energy high, your guard low but you definitely don’t want to make it open season for creepers and weirdos.
You can create a force field. It’s very simple. Every human being has energy, an intuition. Intangible forces that make others feel either safe or scared. There are times when you just don’t get good vibes about a person.
Instead of staying in a state of ‘Don’t F*ck with Me’ women can learn to send a single ‘don’t f*ck with me’ vibe when necessary. How?
When a man wants to approach a woman the best time is within 5 seconds of noticing her, why? If a man takes any longer the woman will notice him staring and essentially send him a ‘don’t you dare approach me’ vibe. She will position herself out of his way. She will cross the room or turn her back, somehow indicating that she isn’t interested.
When a man has approach anxiety, it partly comes from a woman’s body language. She either looks approachable or she doesn’t. Women like to believe that the man they want will know the shade they’re throwing isn’t for him but that’s just not true.
It all starts in your mind and with your energy. Sometimes you attract what you don’t want because you’re always thinking about it, so stop. If you’re in a room of people and you feel someone tempted to approach you, who you’re not interested in, simple repeat in your mind, “You will not talk to me.”
It’s a tactic I learned from watching one of my favorite movies, ‘Teen Witch’. In the scene at the dance when she first inherits her powers she casually says, about Brad (her love interest) “I wish he would just look at me.” He does. Then she says, “I wish he would just come over.” He does.
Of course life is not a movie but the same suggestions work in real life. Not just by making a request but by believing in its possibility. Don’t think about what might happen, only think of you want to happen. Did I just blow your mind, I think I did.
The anxiety appears when women focus too much on what they don’t want. They keep running the same script and get the same results. Forget all the men that you don’t want to talk to you. Ignore them. Who cares about them.
Remind yourself that positive energy will attract positive energy. Like attracts like. The moment you let go of the anxiety, the less and less you’ll receive unsolicited attention.