Do you ever ask yourself why you’re not married?
Often when I speak about successful dating, whether to one client or room full of people, the word ‘goal’ somehow rears its way into the dialogue. Generally I try to explain to singles that the goal of dating is to get people to like you, so that you get more dates. Many singles however believe that the ‘goal’ of dating is to get married or to be in a relationship and that’s just not true.
The article is funny, sarcastic, honest and accurate. Out of the six importantly true reasons that Tracy McMillan wants you to know, why you’re not married I would add just one. You aren’t married, you don’t have a boyfriend and you don’t go on dates because something in your life is just more important.
I don’t want to say that dating, love and marriage aren’t a priority in your life because GOD knows you care a lot about it but it’s not number one on the list. There are fears and anxieties, careers, comfort and self-preservation and I go could on.
Think about wanting to be married like being on time. I always say that women are late for dates because looking our best is more important than being on time. (It’s a good theory for another post) And EVERYBODY knows that if being on time is not you’re number one priority its likely you’ll be late. It’s not that being on time isn’t important, but it’s not the most important thing. You would rather look absolutely stunning and risk those fifteen extra minutes to find the right mascara –the one that fell behind the bathroom sink and you promised yourself you’d fish it out but forgot-than be on time for your date.
The universe creates what we focus on. There is no real secret to getting married other than wanting to get married more than you want anything else. More than wanting to be sure that you’re marrying the right person. More than wanting to be happy. Almost 50% of marriages end in divorce these days. I’m sure everyone that marries feels its for love and not just to satisfy their burning desire to be with someone, anyone, even if it’s temporary.
Every reason Tracy McMillan attributes to why marriage is less attainable to some is precise but the good news is the behaviors don’t necessarily have to be changed only the mindset. What McMillan states in her article is completely right, sometimes that lightening bolt hits you and all of a sudden you want someone; a boyfriend, a husband, a man who loves you. After years of independence and doing you a tiny voice screams-LONELY! So how can you make a change?
Make a Decision
Decide that you want a man (as a date, boyfriend, husband, whatever)
Commit to that decision
This means passing up everyone that isn’t it. This means getting out of relationships with people who are less than you want, that are unavailable and especially those unwilling to be married to you. (girl, you know he ain’t marrying you)
Focus on the goal
I believe online dating works so well because singles spend at least an hour everyday reading profiles, updating their profiles and investing the time in looking for love. If singles devoted as much energy to finding potential dates in real life as they did online they would see just as much progress.
The little I do know about marriages and relationships is that you don’t have to be anything close to perfect to be in one. You don’t have to be giving, understanding, supportive, loving, charming, a good cook or even faithful. Those who get married or are in relationships aren’t happier or more complete than those who are single. Just remember that these are goals.
As a 20-year-old I wanted to be married. I could’ve been married at least twice by now but there was a vision of a life that I wanted that still hasn’t quite become a reality.
As I get older better I realize the marrying potential of some of the men that I date making it more evident that marriage is not my number one priority. I’m okay with that. Mother Theresa, after all, was never married
For those who really want more out of your love life, you can have it- be it love, a marriage or both. You just have to really want it. (Oh and you kinda have to know which one you want).