No matter how much you know about dating, relationships, or yourself, it’s not easy to avoid the wrong relationship. Maybe the relationship isn’t “wrong”, maybe it just doesn’t last, which can make you feel like you’ve wasted your time. I think any experience that helps you grow as a person is worthwhile. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to know if a relationship will last, and for how hong.
Every experience can teach you something about yourself. And hopefully every experience guides you closer to answering two important life questions. How do you find the one? How do you know when you find them?
It might not be realistic to only date people who will prove to be permanent partners but you can avoid those who never want to be your partner at all. There are people that you should avoid who never intend on having a relationship with you. People who’s sole intention is to make you think that they want what you want.
These are predators in who don’t give you enough information to make a decision on whether to date them or not. Or worst, they make you think that they want what you want and lead you on for so long it becomes more and more difficult to walk away. These particular type of people are called timewasters.
So what is a timewaster?
They are the most detrimental element to those who want to be happy but happen to be single.
Timewasters are an obstruction to your happiness and dating progress. The worst thing you can do, when you’re single, is let someone else waste your time.
Especially someone who has already come to the conclusion of what the courtship will be but decides not to let you in on the secret.
Time wasters do nothing more than waste the valuable time you could be placing into a positive, progressing, potential relationship with someone else. They have the allure of what maybe a high ROI but at the end of the day it’s like waiting in line for the Ipad 2 only to discover, it’s sold out.
So much time and energy invested for nothing. So how can you tell if you are involved with a timewaster?
To my surprise many singles realize when they are on the brink of wasting their time with someone. There is an uneasy feeling that the relationship isn’t “going anywhere”. I can’t describe it but I’ve never met anyone, in a dead-end relationship, who hasn’t felt it at some point or another.
What really matters is not that you avoid timewasters instantly (because how can you possibly know their disguises) the goal is to get out of the courtship the moment you realize you have nothing more to gain. Outside of being downright miserable, here are a few additional signs your time is being wasted.
THERE IS NO PROGRESS IN THE RELATIONSHIP
You’re in no better a place today than you were when you started the courtship.
In the time I’ve been single, about 3 years, I’ve managed to secure a fairly decent job, start and manage my own website and propel what was once a little blog into a business venture.
I’ve lost weight and gained insight on many aspects of life. Overall, I’m better today than I was yesterday. How many of you can say that being with the person you’re currently dating.
What have you done in the time since you’ve met to now? What have they done? Has life as you know it gone from bad to worse, good to bad or stayed the same?
THEIR INTENTIONS AREN’T PURE
Timewasters mean you absolutely no good.
Not to say that they are bad people but they are selfish people only interested in their enjoyment and their needs. They require excuses just to be chalked up to decent human beings. There behavior sucks, but you keep remixing it into something acceptable because you don’t want to admit to yourself that you’re with a time waster.
These type of no good timewasters always require your defense.
They engage in behavior that always needs an explanation. Whoever you date, ask yourself, “Is this the best I can do?” and answer honestly. Who you want will never find you if your occupied with a timewaster.
THERE IS NO PROGRESSION TOWARDS LOVE
It should be a no-brainer but you’d be surprised how many singles chase after people who clearly don’t want them.
When you pursue someone who isn’t interested in you they think,“Why is this person wasting their time?” Not only is the pursuit a waste but the actually dating is more of a waste because they don’t like you and they already know it. Even if your attempts are successful and you manage to get this person to go out with you it’s likely that they don’t respect you and does it feel good?
There is a saying, “You can do bad all by yourself,” meaning you don’t need a partner in failure. If you are going nowhere, unhappy and desperate another person will not be the cure. In fact, misery loves company but as soon as one person is no longer miserable they leave. When you are happy, fulfilled and excited about life you’ll realize being alone and happy is better than being together and miserable.