3 Ways To Find Love Fast

Are you sick of being single? It’s ok.

In this video I tell you the three-step process I used to find love and the relationship I always knew I deserved.

 

I’m sure you’ve been single long enough to have mastered making the most of it but love is your right. Regardless of how much you enjoy your single life, if there is a void for love in your life then it’s your responsibility to fill it.There are times in your single life where you will feel liberated and free but it can also be exhausting.

Love is your right and it’s not as hard as you think to find the right relationship.

  1. Decide what you want

With any goal you must get clear on what you really want. Too many single men and women are giving their power away and only accepting what other people are willing to give them. No one is holding your future in their hands except for you. It’s not a matter of who is willing to date you. Decide what you want and be really specific and clear. Know how you want to feel and who you want to be.

Design your relationship the way you want it before you’re actually in it.

  1. Set Boundaries

Boundaries create loyalty. If you’ve struggled with getting people to commit it’s because dating you has been too easy. We accommodate the people that we care about even at our own expense. The problem is that our society is not taught to value what comes easily. We respect what we work for. The harder the work the more we regard something.

Setting strict boundaries with your time, body, and emotions inspires loyalty.

When you’re strict about how you want to be treated, you’re perceived as being high value.

  1. Have Conviction

Don’t just believe that you will have a relationship- know. Love is your right. Although, you might have struggled to find a great partner in the past it doesn’t make you less deserving of one. It’s your lack of self-worth that’s attracting the exact people that you don’t want. Recognize that you were made to have love in your life. Know that the right person is out there and they are looking as hard for you as you are for them.

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How I Create a Love Plan

When people tell me dating is easy for me, referring to my looks, I always laugh and say it’s even harder because I’ve dated everybody.

I feel like I have dated everyone. From athletes, lawyers, doctors, salesmen, unemployed, engineers, Americans, Russians, Africans and the list goes on.

I’ve never found it difficult to get a date but what I’ve found over the years that I’ve been writing about dating, is that most people don’t care about the date.

For most people, the destination is far more important than the journey and they would rather get to paradise and have a lousy time than to be stuck in the world’s most beautiful airport.

I get it.

I really do understand how important love is to most people. Unfortunately when you’re single you can develop an unrealistic view of what relationships are actually like. You might find yourself so caught up in a fantasy or a memory of what you had that you create an idea in your mind that isn’t accurate.

It’s like visiting a place as a child, having a fond memory of it but revisiting it as an adult you realize it isn’t all that great. Why had you thought it was?

Many singles find themselves longing for relationships regardless of the fact that they are yet to have a good one. Then again, we all just want a do over, another chance to do better and be better.

I am not immune to wanting love and a wonderful man in my life just like anyone else. It makes me feel special. But I am not the kind of person who can sit back and wait for the universe to take its sweet time to bring me a Boris Kodjoe’s lookalike.

So because of this I created a love plan. A ritual of things I do to attract the right kind of love into my life.

1. I get specific. If you can’t name it you can’t claim it. – What do you really want out of a partner? I’ve only been in a handful of relationships and none of them were anything to write home about. When I started to get clear on what I wanted, it was easier to avoid what I didn’t want.

And skip the list mentality. Write down what you explicitly need.

Ex. I want a partner who compliments me more than they put me down. Who has a positive attitude, who thinks it’s important to hear my voice every day and who finds joy and satisfaction in making me happy.

2. I meditate. In the morning and in the evening I take about 10 minutes repeat: “The universe is sending me a wonderful man”. I visualize how I will feel in a loving and healthy relationship and I recite a meditation for attracting love. You can find them anywhere but one of my favorites can be found in ‘The Power of The Subconscious Mind,’ by Joseph Murphy.

3. I have faith. I remind myself in as many ways as necessary that I will be in a wonderful relationship with a partner who is loving, generous and kind. I never worry that I’ve missed my chance or that I am not worthy. I never let myself believe that I can’t do better or that what I want doesn’t exist.  (If you can name it, you can claim it)

To some, this might seem like a lot of work. Doesn’t love just fall into your lap? Won’t you know the right person when you see them? If it’s meant to happen won’t it happen without your help?

As a woman who has met a lot of desperate men in her life, I have seen the ill effects of not preparing yourself for the love that you want. Many of us think we’re ready for that exceptional partner but when we meet them we think we aren’t good enough. We believe they are too good to be true. We feel inferior.

That sucks.

This plan works for me because I can trust my instincts when I know I’ve asked God/The Universe/ The subconscious mind to be on my side. I have faith that I deserve what I am asking for and I have full belief that it’s out there for me and I can attract it. Try it and see what happens. It might just work for you.

Thoughts?

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What It Really Takes To Date The Person That You Want

What messages are you sending and believing about dating?

Whatever they are, I hate to tell you, they’re probably flawed.

We can’t control our thoughts. We can only control which thoughts we hold on to and which we let go of. Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t create the thoughts we let enter our minds. We hear messages or see images and create conclusions.

Because we have made these associations we think that they are true beliefs and convictions

When we see beautiful women with great looking men we think, ‘You need to be beautiful to have a man like that’.

When we see wealthy men mistreating women we think ‘All rich men are assholes’.

Women even believe that all gorgeous men, are male models or gay.

Now there is a tendency to believe that if you are attractive, successful and educated men can’t handle it and you will remain single. Nothing could be further than the truth.

We allow ourselves to believe things that in actuality could never be true such as women who wear makeup are superficial, or women who don’t are earthy. We constantly take the messages that we see in commercials, magazines and on TV and transpose these ideas as judgments against others and ourselves. It’s that tape playing in your mind that says you don’t have enough of what it takes so you better make do with what you have or settle.

The thoughts that you constantly play in your mind are as follows:

  • I wish I were thinner, smarter, prettier, funnier, taller, sexier, etc.
  • I know I’m not the best-looking, richest, most interesting, the most outgoing person etc.
  • I’m not that bad.
  • I’m not that fat.
  • At least I’m not like (someone else, much worse off than you)

These pacifying soundtracks run through the mind of many singles when they’re trying to find potential dates. It’s one thing to tell yourself a lie to feel better but trying to convince others, with their own beliefs of what’s acceptable and good enough is a different story.

Your potential dates already believe, similarly to you that it takes a certain level of looks, intelligence, personality and wealth to make it in this dating world. If you don’t fit their criteria, it will be difficult for them to take you seriously as a possible prospect.

How can you change their minds?

Instead of comparing yourself to the people who have it all, start to recognize what is real and what is perceived.

How attractive do you have to be?

As attractive as you believe is acceptable. If you feel like long hair and thin waists are sexy but you don’t have either, you are failing at your own standards.

Once you set a standard for beauty, falling short of it will cripple yourself esteem. Maybe you need to be realistic. You aren’t Paul Walker, but if notice women falling for him like a latter-day Mel Gibson, why not acquire some of his most notable assets. Great hair, a sexy and toned body and of course a casual surfer chic style of dress. Falling short of what you consider to be attractive with only lower your perception of yourself.

Who can you date?

Whoever you can offer the most of yourself to, that’s who I would pursue. We see these famous women and assume that they have it all. Of course it’s hard to give them anything more. What man could possibly make them happy; they have everything that they need. If you are smart, successful and attractive you might believe that you’re doomed.

You would have to marry a Prince or a CEO to be content. No man with less than you have to offer would ever be good enough. When you play those types of negative records in your head you fail to recognize the love, kindness, security and support that many potential dates do offer.

It isn’t so much what you offer in any one department, looks, finances, intelligence or more, it’s about what you are willing to give of yourself that makes you competitive.

Ask any man out there with a good job and a fancy car; the world is full of beautiful women. If we thought men only wanted model looking chicks, many of us would never get married. The truth is everyone offers different things. Make sure that your qualities are unique and defined.  What you have to give is more valuable than anyone else, regardless what package it comes in.

What does it take to win?

In a nutshell, the only thing you need to attract the man or woman of your dreams is confidence and security. You have to feel secure in who you are and know that you are the best you that you can be. If you are not accepting of your flaws, the person that you’re dating will always intimidate you. They will seem more comfortable as they are, and this is very scary.

Your mental script might be telling you that you’re not that great and someone of a certain caliber is out of your league. The truth is, if you want someone, or a certain type of person, there is little you can do to stop wanting them.

You might strike out with them constantly but you will continue to pursue them because you believe that their affection is the only validation worth having. You’ve been led to believe that if a certain type of person likes you, you’re ok.

In order to maintain a relationship with the person you’re interested in, you must trust that every quality you have is better than good enough it’s incredible! How you can come to this conclusion is by working very hard on the issues and areas you currently feel that you fall short.

Imagine you were in a car show, wouldn’t you wash and wax your car before you took it out of the driveway? If you were headed on a road trip wouldn’t you make sure your car was in top condition?

You certainly wouldn’t look at the gas gauge and say, “Well it’s not full but at least it’s not empty.” Of course not! You would fill it with gas!

In order to get the person that you want, you must make sure you have what it takes. First you have to know what it takes and then you have to work tirelessly to have it.

You might have even been told, or heard that you don’t need to work hard. Love just happens and those who it happens to are lucky and those who fall short are losers. False.

The love you want is waiting for you out there, you only need to be ready to make the trip.

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Why You Need To Date Outside The Box

What do you need to be happy?

Not just in dating but in life period? Think about it, I’ll wait.

One of my favorite writers, Penelope Trunk, spent years of her life trying to figure out what made people happy. Money, time, accomplishments…? (Read about it here..)

It’s estimated it takes 40,000 a year to make the average person happy but its all just speculation, estimation and statistics.

(Don’t believe me, read this.)

What does that really mean to you or me?

In the years I’ve spent observing the way single men and women date, I’ve learned that very few people have an original idea of what they’re looking for. I want to challenge you to ask yourself one question before you accept a date or speak to a stranger.

Ask yourself: can this person make me happy?

Let’s investigate what this means. Too often being happy is confused with being supported emotionally, provided for financially, completed as a person, reassured and comforted. While this all sounds nice and like a great recipe for happiness, what you really need in your love life is appreciation, respect and attraction.

As you date, from the moment you exchange numbers to the minute you reach your first date destination, I want you to ask yourself, can this person make me happy? Can this person appreciate being with me, respect who I am as a person and maintain physical chemistry with me?

It’s a concept that isn’t revisited enough, sometimes not visited at all. Because as single people we are so convinced that someone else must make us feel a certain way, for us to be happy. Which for the most part is true. How we feel when we’re around the people we date is a contributing factor to whether we pursue them or not.

The problem is too many single men and women ignore the feelings of true happiness and opt for the external presentation of happiness.

When you are dating someone who makes you feel happy you know it. When they make you feel bad, you know it. You then decide if they make you feel happy more often than they make you feel bad and hopefully they do. Great, date that person.

Unfortunately when people make us feel bad more often than they make us feel good but they provide us with exterior requirements and standards that aren’t our own, we start to rationalize the other benefits of a relationship. Benefits other than our emotional well-being. We consider what they afford us instead of what they cost us, emotionally, financially, and physically.

For a moment, forget the fear you have that you won’t find anyone else. Forget the fear that you’re getting older and your shots at love are dwindling. Forget that you should’ve married your ex, or you should’ve stayed in your marriage or you’ll never find what you’re looking for.

Redirect your focus.

Right now, being single is the moment to think about yourself and no one else. How happy are you with you? How certain are you that you’re open to the idea of being loved not just tolerated. That you’re past hurts are healed and emotional baggage checked?

How committed are you to finding someone who can make you happy instead of validated? What do you need from that person and are you willing to walk away if they deny you. Are you willing to ask them why they didn’t call you back last night and are you willing to tell them you have to go, or to go to hell,  when they offer the lamest excuse you’ve ever heard in your life?

It may seem like I’m asking some tough questions but I want you to ask them of yourself. You’ve been single this long you might as well get the most out of it. If dating someone who fills a role, plays a part and makes a handy plus one is the best you can do, Imma pray for you.

We all want to find that good-looking match, ourselves but in someone else. But how the hell are you going to find the last piece of the puzzle until you get yourself together?

Until you at least take the sections out of the box, give them a complete investigation and begin to fit some together on your own how can you begin to know which piece you’re actually missing?

My advice to you, create a list of what you need to be happy.

Ex. I need someone who lets me finish my sentences. I need someone who returns my calls. I need someone who is capable of planning dates. I need someone who understands my needs and is open to fulfilling them etc.

You are the producer and director of your love life. It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks or says. It only matters that you’re happy, everyday. And you must rededicate each day to being happy. Date people who can aid in the process, not those who impede it. It’s important.

Thoughts?

 

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