How To Be More Confident On Your Next Date

How To Be More Confident On Your Next Date

I once read that it’s impossible to change a habit.

What you should do instead is to replace the negative habit with a positive one. In this post I want to share with you the exact actions that make you a confident person, and how to employ them on date.

Instead of changing your current behaviors, I advise you to just replace them with simple gestures that will support the perception that you’re a confident person. There are many definitions of confidence, one of my favorites is this: confidence is anything that you’re convinced of. It’s what you believe.

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5 SIGNS YOU’RE STUCK IN THE PAST

get over an ex

My mission is not to teach you how to love but to help you to clear the blocks keeping you from love.

One thing that keeps love out of your life is living in the past. The past can cause more damage on our future than we realize.

If you’re serious about having a passionate relationship and possibly getting married then you have to leave the past behind.

Are you stuck in the past? Are you replaying tapes of hurt and pain that are inhibiting you from moving forward in dating? At first glance, this might not sound like you but if we dig a little deeper you’ll understand that when you hold onto the past you’re missing out on possible relationships that could be occurring now in the present. How can you tell?

YOU DRESS IN THE PAST

Are you wishing for the body you had? Are you holding onto clothes that are no longer “in style”? Are you waiting for more money, a new job or a different body before you treat yourself to new clothes that make you look and feel your best?

Make yourself over.

You have changed. You are not the same person you were 3, 5 or 10 years ago. You are smarter, and more experienced. If you have a new body make peace with yourself. Embrace the change. When you look into the mirror you should see exactly the person you want to be.

Your personal style sends a message about who you are. It shouldn’t say, “I was better in ’85.”

Ask yourself if your clothes truly reflect where you want to be in your life now, if not, ditch them. Don’t hold onto anything that isn’t serving you.

YOU STILL REFER TO YOUR “EX”

Words have power and in order to truly let go of a past relationship you have to stop talking about it. If you are single, never speak of your EX again. Ever.

No one wants to hear about it, you just want to talk about it and every time you do you’re reliving a part of history that has past.

When you talk about the past you give it new life. If you have a former relationship that holds meaning for you, the best way to let it go is to stop talking about it. Don’t mention it.

If you’re asked about an Ex, brush it off and changed the subject. It’s not important. It doesn’t matter. It only seems to matter because you are still talking about it and giving it relevance. It has none.

YOU’RE STUCK IN YOUR CHILDHOOD

I love the saying, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.”

It means your childhood, as traumatic as it might have been, is gone. It will only be as good or bad as you remember it. So do yourself a favor and remember it fondly or seek professional help.

When we are wounded emotionally we tend to find healing in detrimental ways. We actually cause further damage by seeking relief from the pain through other people. The right relationship can heal your past but only if you’re willing to let it.

If you’re seeking to heal your childhood wounds through a relationship, you have a better chance by finding a good therapist.

As a child if you were never loved, appreciated, hugged enough or something more distressing then you owe it to yourself to heal. Don’t use the pain of your past as a safety net or security blanket. Don’t let your childhood be the reason you can’t accept love in your life today.

Acknowledge what painful feelings you’re still harboring and commit to healing them immediately.

YOU BLAME YOURSELF FOR PAST MISTAKES

Whatever you did wrong in the past, let it go. Whatever mistakes you made then, even if you’re living with the consequences now, forgive yourself.

Many people, whether single or coupled, are incredibly hard on themselves. They feel unlovable because they’ve made mistakes in their past. They punish themselves for not meeting a certain standard that can never be achieved.

  • Do you blame yourself for slipups, call yourself names, or punish yourself when you make a mistake?
  • Do you allow negative tapes, based on the past, to play over and over in your head?
  • Are you convinced that if someone else really knew what you’ve done in your pas they could never love you?

Remember this: Charles Manson just got married. There is no mistake that you’ve made that can’t be forgiven or forgotten but it has to be done by you first. In order for others to accept you, the onus lies on you to accept yourself.

YOU’RE RESENTFUL

Men are not all dogs and women are not all liars but one past hurt can make us believe this. I often ask singles if they like the opposite sex. Sometimes I find men and women incredibly resentful against people who are attractive, privileged, or confident because they, themselves, are not that way.

Sometimes we resent the very people we are pursuing. Other times, single men and women are incredibly resentful because they believe that they should be married by now, or in a better relationship, or dating higher quality people.

If you are not creating the love life that you deserve it’s no one’s fault but your own. No one else can take from you what is meant for you so holding a grudge against anyone because of wrong beliefs only hurts your love life.

All men are not bad and neither are all women. If a past love lead you to believe that a certain type of person can’t be trusted or isn’t good then you are letting the past color your future.

Let go of past hurts. Resentful men and women are negative which makes them incredibly unattractive. If you are judging potential dates based on people you’ve dated in the past you’re doing your love life a disservice. Take every person by their own merit.

Just because the cover is similar doesn’t make the story the same.

Regardless of what has happened in the past think about how you want to live now. What do you see in your future when it comes to love and a relationship? You won’t get it by living in the past. Every day is a new opportunity to find love, use it to your advantage.

I hope this was helpful.

miss solomon

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Stop Waiting for Someone To Tell You You’re Awesome

you are awesomeYou were born to be amazing.

If you’ve ever watched someone baby talk a baby, they’re constantly gushing about how perfectly cute the baby is. It’s little hands, mouth, ears, eyes and toes are precious and affirmed by anyone it comes it contact with.

Well, we were once all babies and this happened to us.

In fact, there was a time when our world was filled with nothing but compliments and then things changed. Instead of the people around us celebrating our cuteness, the only qualities that were ever mentioned were the bad ones.

All of sudden it’s a chorus of what we do wrong, what we’re like and how close we are to becoming like someone we shouldn’t become i.e. our older sibling, our failed uncle, or that degenerate teen on the news.

We start out life so perfect it’s disgusting then something happens that we can’t explain and we develop flaws.

Not just tiny cracks in our character but irrefutable personality defects, we call this adolescence.

As adults we recognize that we can’t go back to being the perfect baby we started out as but we can’t stay the teenager, although many try.

What I’ve found to be healing and life-changing is realizing that I AM awesome, not because anyone said so but because I AM. Fact.

I used to be under the impression that if someone wanted you to know something they would tell you. Because criticism is always vocalized, its assumed that praise will be too but its not.

Stop waiting for someone to tell you that you’re awesome. Even if they think you are, many are likely to assume that you know. Some might assume that you’re so awesome you no longer need validation.

Just accept that it’s true and stop waiting for someone to co-sign your worth in order to feel worthy.

We all wait, as adults, to be loved, recognized or given the same accolades for just existing we were given at birth.

How did you go from being a miracle to a miscreant?

You were born a bundle of joy but transformed into a world of trouble.

But that isn’t the end of your story. The end is not about what you were told you were or by whom, the end is what you’ve decided to become, now that the choice is absolutely yours.

I decided to be awesome, in thoughts and in action.

And the moment I stopped waiting for someone else to tell me I was awesome is the moment I knew I was also a success.

Thoughts.

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Why You Should Ignore Opinions About Your Love Life

I need to break some bad news to you.

No one and I repeat NO ONE gives a shit about your love life except for you.

Most of us in first world countries are too self-involved in our own dramas to concern themselves with anyone else much less you and who you are or aren’t dating.

Part of why singles are stymied in their dating success is because they’re too worried about being judged. They think people will think they’re desperate, miserable, a loser or worse lonely. And maybe you will be talked about, for like a second, then everyone will continue to live their lives because what they’re doing is way more important to them than your dates.

The idea that somewhere, somehow, our love lives will be placed under a microscope and scrutinized is absurd and impractical.

Take for example Rihanna or Taylor Swift, two of the worlds biggest music stars. They know everyone is talking about who they’re dating but they carry on with their lives.

Then take you.

No one has to know that you were stood up, lied to, betrayed, dumped, laughed at, embarrassed, used, degraded, and I could go on. Furthermore, no one cares!

You’re happiness has to be based on more than the half-assed opinions of friends, family and acquaintances. The only opinion that matters is that of your potential dates. And of course YOURS!

What you think about yourself and what you’re willing to do to create a healthy relationship is no one’s business. Don’t be ashamed about having an Eharmony profile or signing up for singles mixers.

If you’re actively seeking a solution to your lackluster love life, I applaud you.

It’s better than doing nothing!

Just when you stop yourself from taking a step out of your comfort zone because you’re afraid of “what people might think” remind yourself that people don’t care.n They might mindlessly chat about you but gossipers will talk about you regardless.

Never let what other’s think stop you from dating. Yours is the only opinion that really matters. Never forget that.

Thoughts?

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