How do you know if a man is chasing you or not, and why does it matter?
Don’t let the title fool you. This is not to imply that women should wait around to be chosen in the dating world. Not at all. Women should consider dating like the ol’ game of tag. You tag someone “it”, you start running and the chase begins. The game is fun when you’re eventually caught. It’s not fun when you want to be caught but the pursuer has given up. And it’s not fun if you’re caught too soon. In this post, you’ll learn why even the traditional childhood game of tag is a better strategy for dating than going after a man.
First, let’s get clear on what “chasing” actually means. When you find yourself feeling that if you don’t initiate the conversation, or the contact, he never will then you are chasing. When a man is unavailable, in another relationship but you continue to seek his attention, that is chasing. If you’re constantly needing reassurance that he is interested instead of letting him explicitly show his interest level, even if it’s low, that is chasing.
There are very few scenarios where going after a man will prove successful for a woman. Sure there are exceptions to every rule, and don’t let statistics stop you from playing the lottery but there are too many good men who are willing to step up and lead the relationship to waste time chasing the players.
Women bond faster than men.
It’s been argued that a woman knows in 7 seconds whether or not she’s interested in a man. What she really knows is that there is sexual attraction there. Sexual attraction does not a relationship make however. The initial attraction is great. That’s the tag. The flirtation and the exchange of numbers is usually when the woman unofficially marks the man it, meaning the ball is in his court.
Men and women know what they want, but women usually know first. In fact, women decide so quickly that once a woman decides that she wants a man it’s really easy to get caught up in that desire instead of getting to know if the man is even worth wanting. When you let a man pursue you, that doesn’t mean you don’t get a say in the courtship. It means you’ve put out a request for him to show interest and you shouldn’t pay him any more attention until he does exactly that.
Men pursue women, but women pursue relationships.
In the dating game, women view winning as a relationship. This is more likely the case than with a man. A man will chase a woman and end up in a relationship but a woman will chase a relationship and end up with a man. We see this scenario at length when men and women live together but never marry. If you meet a great guy, vet him first. A man who isn’t chasing you is actually doing himself a disservice because he isn’t really showing you the kind of man he can but the kind of man he is. Pay attention.
Don’t take a man’s aloof nature as a sign that you should work harder for his attention. Take it as a sign that he isn’t interested in a relationship, even if he is interested in you. This is ok, but what is more important? When you let a man initiate the courtship, with your willing participation of course, you get to see him for who he really is. And when he shows you accept it.
Men want to lead, let them.
There is no doubt that women like to be in control, but men like to lead. You have to admit that your desire to chase a man, especially someone unavailable is a deeper control issue. When you take charge, you know what to expect. When the man is in charge, you actually have to exercise patience. That’s not a bad thing in dating. In fact, patience is a sign of maturity. You deserve someone who has enough motivation to want to impress you as much as you want to impress him. Someone who understands that showing interest is sexy. If you’re not being pursued by a man, and he’s being inconsistent and unreliable then it’s safe to say maybe he’s not that interested. And that’s ok. That just frees you up for the right guy.