“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection” – Buddha
There’s this cliched saying that you must first love yourself before you love somebody else. But whilst it is certainly a lovely adage, cloistered in here is the relevance that people oftentimes forget especially during their pursuit of significant ones.
Being in a relationship is a no walk in the park. It comes with loads of ups and downs. It can start out great but may also end in a crazy way. The beginning can be extra sweet but as it grows old, real feelings and intentions will show. In such case, people need to be well – equipped to protect their vulnerable hearts and sort out their emotions. That being said, there are few reasons why it is important to love yourself first before you get to love someone else.
To love yourself is to not seek approval.
This can be difficult to admit but you do not like yourself that much. People are built with their own insecurities. There will always be some resentment hiding inside – “I wish I was different.” “I wish I was someone better.” “I wish I had things like this and like that.” That’s how insecure one could get. All these because the society and media push us to judge ourselves for who we are.
But remember: “When you give in to the calls of society of how you should be, in which way you certainly lose.” The very cure to withstand all the crazy standards the society is throwing is no other than self – love.
When you love yourself, you can find a sense of validity and confidence.
One very misconception that a lot of people have is that they need another person to validate them. You need to understand that each person is unique so it doesn’t make sense to be a people pleaser. You will never please everyone. Everyone will inevitably have their own thoughts and form their own opinions about your choices no matter what.
Before you can love someone else, you need to know that you have the ability to give yourself the validation that you need. When you wake up in the morning, try using positive affirmations to set the tone of your day. Tell yourself that you are strong and beautiful. This will help build your confidence to a point where you do not need other people for validation. You will believe in yourself and your abilities in no time and this will allow you to be able to love others properly because you feel good about your own choices.
Loving yourself leads to better processing of emotions.
It’s no denying that emotions are so complicated. You can be fine now then you aren’t the next day. Diverse emotions can come and go without warning. As you learn to love yourself, you learn how to process your emotions. While you may not be able to control them, you will learn your triggers and the stressors that you need to avoid. How can you love someone else and support them when they are emotional if you don’t understand your own emotion?
With self – love, you can learn to stay alone.
In these modern days, it’s becoming harder and harder to be alone. It is so easy to call someone or log into social media at any time during the day. You rarely ever make time to just be alone and check on yourselves. Before you are able to love someone else, you should be in a place where you are happy spending time alone. Go to the movies, out to dinner, or just spend time at home alone. Unplug and relax while getting to know yourself. These intimate moments alone are vital to you finding yourself and genuinely loving yourself.
When you enter your next relationship, be reminded to not become dependent on your partner. You shouldn’t make him worry if you will be okay for a few moments without him. It’s important to note that his little absence should not make you fall apart and that you have your ways to enjoy your time alone.
In case you have trouble spending time alone now, learn how to do it.Try sitting alone in a quiet space with no electronics for 5 minutes each day. Little by little, increase the amount of time that you spend alone gradually. Eventually, you will know yourself on a deeper level and be able to actually enjoy being alone.
The bottomline of these all is that the ability to love oneself should not be dependent on anyone else. Love will only become true after making own happiness a priority.
As you do love yourself, you’ll become prepared to finally share the love. It’s very wrong to rely your completeness to someone else. Remember that in love, two souls are being united; yours is the one there, not a half nor a third or a fourth but a whole. And so, you have to be whole yourself before you find your significant one.
“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line. You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world.” – Lucille Ball
David Webster is an Australian essayist and writer currently residing at Illinois, Chicago. He has massive experience in both freelance writing and blogging, enabling him to be the writer of choice for most of his clients. He also currently serves as webmaster and contributor for essaycorner.com