I once read that it’s impossible to change a habit.
What you should do instead is to replace the negative habit with a positive one. In this post I want to share with you the exact actions that make you a confident person, and how to employ them on date.
Instead of changing your current behaviors, I advise you to just replace them with simple gestures that will support the perception that you’re a confident person. There are many definitions of confidence, one of my favorites is this: confidence is anything that you’re convinced of. It’s what you believe.
Unfortunately, too many of us have confidence in our failures and limitations. We accept the things that we’re not and make it difficult to show the things that we are.
What I want to share with you in this post is how to act confidently by simply changing your focus.
Nothing about you will change over the course of this post. Sorry, you won’t become funnier, better looking, or more intelligent but these behaviors can make you more attractive. Once you’re convinced of more positive aspects than negative, your date will be too.
1. Make a confirming statement after your date speaks
A confirming statement is a simple, positive retort. This can lower your chances of over-talking, arguing, or awkward silences in your conversation. I personally love it when others’ agree with me but many people disagree with me either to piss me off, or to be d*cks.
To be fair, I could be wrong in what I’m saying but my opinion itself, and my right to an opinion, isn’t wrong.
Making a confirming statement such as, “That’s an interesting point.” or “I know what you mean,” validates that you heard what your date was saying. It also conveys that you were listening.
If you disagree, then make your case in a way that isn’t defensive. You could start the sentence by asking, “Well, what do you think of…” or “Have you thought about?” By taking the position of supporting your date, you join their side and most people will embrace you.
The act of confirmation proves that you don’t need to be right to be heard. It also shows that you don’t need to dominate your date. Confident people are supporters, and not denouncers. Plus, no one wants to date someone who isn’t going to be on their side.
So you might be thinking, ‘What if I don’t agree with my date?’
There is nothing wrong with having different opinions. Knowing and accepting where someone stands on a topic allows you to better judge compatibility. Varying, even opposing views are totally ok but what will your response say about you. Will an argument show you as a confident person? Probably not.
There are lots of roads between agreeing and disagreeing.
You can accept their opinion, diagree and still be on their side by allowing them to express what they believe freely and without judgment. The point is to take the time to hear what your date has to say, and to let them know that they were heard.
2. Constantly ask questions about anything
A good question makes your date think. Asking questions that reveal your curious side such as questions about who they are, what they do, and what they like, is more likely engage your date. The key is to not stop there. Learning about who someone is can come in different forms. Ask questions for the sake of it and just enjoy the conversation.
What a truly confident person does, that you can do to appear more confident, is to ask questions about ANYTHING.
You don’t need to just ask questions about the other person. Asking their opinion on random topics will tell you just as much about them. Unfortunately, too many people are uncomfortable veering away from their “go-to” or “trained” topics of conversation.
They refuse to steer off track and it can make them come across as boring. Being a curious person is an insanely sexy quality.
You don’t just have to ask questions about where they went to school, but who was their favorite professor, or least favorite. Where did they eat ice cream on campus? Ask them what they think of your shirt, and explain why you decided to wear it.
Be creative, open and adventurous in your questions.
3. Never react, just act
Seduction is a skill, and if you’re skilled in it, you know that what another person does rarely affects what you do. You know this because what you do is eliminate their choices. You already know what they’re going to do because you’ve only given them a few options.
It’s like the game; tic tac toe.
Not the most skilled game but the person who starts the game is likely to win. The person who reacts is likely to lose. You play your moves unless the other player takes them away. If you want to be more confident on your next date, figure out what your moves are and play them.
Don’t wait for cues or signs. Don’t react to what your date does. Just act.
A good example is to know what you’ll say. What compliments will you give? What affirming statements will you work into conversation? How many times will you tell them, “You’re absolutely right,” or “I completely agree?” You can also know when you’ll say it.
At the first greeting, a compliment.
Before you order drinks, an affirming statement.
After the next round, you make it a distinct point to tell them that they have something in their hair. You reach for it, look at you fingers curiously then smile, “Not sure what it was,” you say.
Insecurity comes when we aren’t sure what will happen.
The key to confidence is creating a framework that you can follow to create security. You don’t have to map out every moment of the date but there are some clear objectives that you should have, that will make your date successful, and the other person like you.
Understanding these objectives and creating a plan for meeting them is how you boost your confidence. Your objectives are simple: make your date feel good, have fun and get another date.
There is nothing more that you need to do.
Convince yourself that you can handle at least those three areas, then create a plan that addresses one or all of them. Don’t wing it. That’s like taking a test you haven’t studied for. If you prepare however, you may not know the questions but you already know the answers.
A date is no different.
Your date wants a partner, they want to have fun and feel good. They want to get to know you or they wouldn’t have accepted the date in the first place. You don’t need to worry about what could go wrong, just focus on what you can do to make it go right. I hope this was helpful.