How do you get into a relationship?
This is a question that I love to answer. Although some people believe it’s by luck or chance. It’s not. There are proven steps that will get you into a relationship with anyone you come in contact with.
Yes, there are always exceptions. Life is full of outliers but the truth is this: when you’re good at attraction, the odds get better, and your average goes up. Once you learn how to date and get really great at building strong connections the chances of you getting into a relationship increase exponentially.
So you go on dates, maybe lots or just a few, but none turn into a real relationship. What gives?
If you’re really anxious and ready for a relationship you’re likely blocking the very love you say that you want. As much as you’re looking forward to it, you fear it. So even though you’re going on dates, the real reason your dates aren’t progressing might surprise you.
You Didn’t Create Attachment
Attachment is the number one reason we get into relationships. Physical, chemical and emotional bonds are made with the people we date when they open up to us and we do the same. Opening up to your date doesn’t mean telling them how you felt about your parent’s divorce although it could.
Opening up in a real way means letting yourself be in the moment and have a really great time in the company of your date.
That might come as a surprise to you but attachment is made in the moment. It’s not made after date two or four, it is made in the very second you touch hands, lock eyes, and oxytocin is released from the brain. When you miss out on these opportunities to create a bond the chances of you getting into a relationship diminish.
This attachment is what makes your date think of you when you’re not around. This attachment makes you date want to impress and feel as if they need your approval.
If you don’t create attachment during the date then dating will never turn into a relationship.
You Didn’t Add Enough Value
When one date fails to turn into three dates, and then eventually a relationship, it’s likely one person didn’t see the value in the other. What makes us valuable to others is what we add to their lives. What do they gain by having us as a partner?What do we bring to the table?
Showing your value starts with knowing what your value is.
- What will you bring to the relationship?
- Why would anyone want to date you?
- What is it that you offer?
Value proposition is the key, after attachment, to building a relationship. If you can’t show a potential partner what you will bring into their life then they won’t be eager to commit to you.
You Didn’t Fill A Void
Everyone has a void in their life that needs filling. That’s why we seek companionship in the first place. Getting into a relationship isn’t just about having a person to do things with its about finding the right partner who can fill a void. Human beings have a void in their hearts where a partner can fit perfectly.
This void is the part in all of us that needs to be accepted. These voids are essentially the catalyst we need to be out true selves.
You can fill the void by being a safe place where potential partners can be who they truly are. This is incredibly difficult because most singles already have an idea of who they want their date to be, its called expectations.
These expectations prevent people from being themselves. It obstructs the very things they are looking for.
So why don’t more people, who truly want relationships, build connections, add value and fill a void for their partners? They don’t know how. We are too busy, and too excited, by what our potential dates can be for us that we forget that we need to create the chemistry and connection first.
Take a step back on your next date and observe if you are being a good partner. Are you being the kind of partner you would want to be with? If yes, then you should find love sooner than later. I hope this was helpful.