There are few experiences in life as awkwardly painful as a breakup.
It’s not just the obnoxious feeling of your heart and dignity being ripped right from you, or the terror of no longer having a plus one. It’s also the unobstructed thrust into change that breakups force upon you. The change of going from a “We” back to a “Me”. It’s like a quick rip of a band-aid from a freshly made wound. There’s nothing that can prepare you for that kind of sting. Even if you weren’t happy with the relationship, the change of going from a relationship back to single life is never easy.
Breakups are a bitch.
But your Ex might not be. We tend to criminalize in compatibility. If someone has the guts to go for what they want then you should respect them and learn from it. You won’t be compatible with everyone that you care about. I believe that the right person is out there waiting for everyone. In the quest to find that special love, breakups are a necessary part of that journey. Breakups aren’t the worst things you can go through. In fact, in hindsight they’re never as bad as they seemed in the moment. If you’re in the midst of a breakup then yeah they suck ass but it’s just a temporary feeling. You’re adjusting to the change of being alone, of losing love and in some cases any hope for a marital future.
But don’t fret.
The last person, who broke up with you, did you a favor. They gave you the freedom to find the right person for you.
I believe that when things aren’t working in our lives they find a way to come to an end. It’s like the bad habits that we can’t seem to shake until we’re forced to. There might be multiple people better suited for you than your ex, but they will have one key trait your former lover lacked: they will want to be with you. And not just claim you out of convenience but be as good to you as you are to them. It’s possible that you were shitty to your ex, and you needed to learn to do better. Or they were shitty to you and you deserved to stand up for yourself.
Someone who doesn’t want you but continues to date you and mistreat you, is the worst type of partner. But a person who is honest about what they want is a gift. Rejection seems impossible to overcome but we do it all the time, and our ability to bounce back is a testament to our maturity.
100% of the wrong relationships will end.
If you find yourself single again it’s because 100% of your relationships have ended. Any relationship that isn’t meant to be will end. You might feel frustrated by your track record in dating but getting to the right person is like driving on a highway, there will be stops but that is not your destination. Rejection after a breakup can be tough to accept. The person you’ve been dating is practically saying that emptiness, depression and a cold bed is better than your relationship. Rude, much? But when it’s done, it’s done for a valid reason. You have to know that something better is on the horizon.
You will be wrong until you’re not.
Facing a breakup is facing the reality that you were both wrong about each other and that is a tough truth to accept. It makes us wonder, if we’ll ever be able to follow our instincts. We thought this person could’ve been “it” for us, only to come to the realization that they’re not. Or even more hurtful, they don’t want to be. When we’re wrong about the person we’re dating and they turn out not to be interested in being with us, we are hurt. The truth is, you will be wrong about almost everyone you date.
In fact, most successful relationships only occur once in our lifetime if we’re lucky. Knowing that most relationships you enter into will end is actually comforting. You don’t have to force anything to work out longer than it should. You should appreciate a breakup for giving you back the freedom to find the right person for you. If someone insists that you’re not the one for them, thank them! Because trust me, they’re onto something. Remind yourself that anyone who doesn’t want you isn’t right for you. Repeatedly! And if your partner has left you for someone else, it’s an even stronger case to prove my point.
If someone broke up with you, accept that they did you a favor. It might not feel like it but trust me, they totally saved your butt.