How To Avoid Becoming Desperate

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You’re desperate and you don’t even know it. You might believe that those with high self-esteem or elevated self worth can’t be desperate but the truth is, the longer you live your life without a date, intimacy, sex, physical touch, love and/or romance the more desperate you become in dating. Dating droughts make most single men and women desperate. Why? Because fear builds over time. How? Through scarcity.

 

It’s drilled into our heads that great dates are in limited quantities. There are no good men or women out there. You only have one soul mate. Women outnumber men so it’s hard to find a good man.

 

No other data supports our idea of lack and scarcity in dating stronger than our own experiences. How many times have you said, or thought, ‘I never meet anyone that I like.’ Or, ‘The right person for me doesn’t live in this city.’ We begin to create narrow beliefs in dating which cause most singles to date less. The less you date, the more afraid you become of never finding love, never getting married, or being alone forever.

 

The less you date the more fearful you become of rejection and failure.

 

But most often we don’t notice our desperation when we meet someone we like because we’re operating from a place of lack. We’re too caught up in the fantasy of what a potential courtship could be that some singles are clueless to the fact that it will never be anything. If you haven’t been on a date in a month or longer, you’re in danger of becoming desperate. Most singles become desperate by accepting limiting beliefs that there are no good dates around. When in reality they have failed to position themselves near great dates. The moment a potential for love, sex and intimacy is introduced into their love life single men and women lose their edge.

 

Desperation has nothing to do with how you feel about yourself. It’s not a reflection of your self worth; it has everything to do with how you view dating.

 

If you believe that there are limiting amounts of quality dates then you’re susceptible to becoming desperate.  

If you haven’t been on a date, had sex or intimacy in a long time, you’re susceptible to becoming desperate.

 

So you’ve been single for quite some time. Although you know that you’re a catch and feel good about yourself, you still can’t seem to meet eligible singles mutually interested in dating. Finally you do meet someone who interests you but you don’t want to scare them away, here’s how to keep your cool.

DON’T MAKE EXCUSES!

If you took all the excuses away from your relationship, would you still have one? You haven’t had a second date, and you haven’t seen each other recently. You never spend weekends together and you’re always the one making contact first. It doesn’t really sound like you’re dating at all.

 

While these are the types of events that take place, a desperate person will consistently defend the courtship as if it’s perfectly reasonable. They were sick, they were busy, they have work demands, or their phone doesn’t make outgoing calls. No matter the outlandish scenario there is always a good explanation according to the desperate dater.

DON’T BE TOO EAGER TO PLEASE

If you’re constantly going out of your way to make dating you convenient, you are acting desperate. Accepting to meet later than you want to, to accommodate the other person’s schedule. Accepting cancellations or rain checks without objection. Going above and beyond for someone who barely deserves a return phone call are all acts of desperation. Agreeing too quickly, readily and too often is a clear sign that you’re trying too hard to please your date.

DON’T BE AFRAID TO SAY NO

If you say no they might never ask you out again, speak to you again or consider dating you period. If you say no they will meet someone else, date someone else, or be so angry with you that you’ll lose all of their love and attention. Saying no could mean never getting the opportunity to say yes again. If you’re afraid that saying no or disagreeing with your date means the end of you dating, you’re desperate.

 

The only way to truly avoid desperate behavior is to accept that there is an abundance of amazing dates out there. There are more attractive, interesting, sexy and fun single men and women out there than you could ever have time to date. When you meet potential dates you should only continue to date them if they possess the qualities that you like in a person, not because you believe they are the best that you can do.

 

To avoid desperate behavior, understand that there are PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA!

 

There are more people to date and you are worth better, almost always. Once you accept this, you’ll understand that there are more potential dates out there, if you’re willing to put yourself in the position to meet them.

 

Thoughts.

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Miss Solomon

Founder at The Dating Truth
Dating and relationship expert. Lover of people. Relationship Coach and part-time stylist. Miss Solomon has a passion for writing about love, creating love strategies and mastering self- love.