Wouldn’t it be great if every man you were interested in asked for your number?
We’ve all been there. You start a conversation with a handsome stranger; it’s going well but at the end of the interaction you part ways without him asking for your number. Worst! It’s possible that he might have been seeing someone, married, gay or otherwise unavailable but the character of a man is to always ask for the number, even when he doesn’t intend to call.
Every man that you’re interested in should ask for your number. If they don’t, you might have missed a few critical steps in your flirting process. These step-by-step instructions are the exact techniques I’ve used my own dating life. I think of dating like changing a tire, or learning to drive.
Even though every car is different once you know the basics you can navigate your way through the particulars and come out successful. That’s what I believe, when it comes to dating men, there’s a method and best practice you should know.
Yes, men are different (so are circumstances) but every man wants to feel safe when hitting on a woman.
He doesn’t want his ego bruised and he doesn’t want to be embarrassed. Men want to do some of the work but not all of the work.
So let’s imagine you are engaged in conversation with a man that you don’t know. Let’s disregard how it started. You are speaking with a stranger and just after you say hello you want to make sure that he will:
- Take your number,
- Call you the following day,
- Ask you on a date,
- Proceed to date you until YOU lose interest.
The process is simple. It’s done to make a man feel safe in asking you out. The interaction should be fun and lighthearted and you should treat me as a small child who has come into you presence. Lots of fawning, oohing and awing is appreciated. It might seem beneath some women but we have to be so kind with others’ egos that this really is that best approach with men.
First, smile a lot.
Smiling implies that you’re happy, you’re engaged, and you’re enjoying yourself. Smiling is the first step to flirting and if you can’t flirt with men, you fail. You will encourage him to smile if you can talk about cheery and funny topics.
Remember that skipping heavy passionate topics doesn’t mean you’re shallow. It simply means that you choose to discuss issues close to you with people who matter to you. Strangers aren’t eligible. There are very few instances that you will need to speak about weighted subjects when you first meet a man.
A lot of men might begin talking about politics, work, or biased subjects to test your intelligence. Don’t fall for the trap, simply change the topic or excuse yourself from the conversation. You don’t need to prove yourself to anyone. Let this man know, that if he wants to know your true opinions, you’d be happy to discuss them in private, and maybe he should ask you to dinner. Never allow a man to bait you into a heated debate or discussion.
You can change the subject: Pause, look away, turn your head towards him, smile, and then take two to three glances toward the floor.
Politely ask him, “Are you done?” then begin to talk about something else.
Here’s a little secret; just because you’re having a conversation doesn’t mean you have to fill every moment of it with words.
Actions and body language speak very loud. Use meaningful pauses and eye contact to your advantage. Smiling says, I’m happy but it also implies that you’re genuine, available, interested and easy-going.
Next, Compliment Him
Attracting men starts with a loving appreciation for all men. Giving someone a genuine compliment can make all the difference in how they feel about you. Tell him he looks great in his shirt, that his eyes are pretty or very striking. Notice his accessories and his kindness, and tell him he’s smart.
I outline my most effective compliments in my eBook ’25 Compliments You Should Be Giving’ but the truth is, you’re going to bust his balls a little later in the conversation. Compliments are a great way to encourage him to seek your approval. You want a man to want your approval or to think that he’s winning you over.
Then, Use Sarcasm
Many women are afraid to say or do the wrong thing, when they meet a man but let me tell you now, GET OVER IT!
What you say and do is a reflection of who you are. If a man doesn’t like it now he isn’t going to like it a month later. What’s attractive about sarcasm is that it’s the way men communicate. Men like to be treated the way they treat others so using sarcasm is kind of like “speaking their language.”
Sarcasm is a handy tool in that little tactic called ball busting. Why do men like it? (No clue) That’s how they communicate to each other and nothing wins a man over faster than a woman who seems to act like a man. Sarcasm let’s a man know that you don’t take yourself too seriously. Nothing scares a man away faster than a woman who is too serious so by joking, ball busting and applying humor to the conversation you show this man that you are fun.
Lastly, Give This Man A Reason To Call You.
Women are often under the impression that men are actively pursuing women. This isn’t necessarily true. Men miss cues and opportunities in dating just as women do so it’s important that you are proactive when it comes to sealing the date.
Don’t be afraid of coming on too strong or being too obvious because those are trivial facts that you’ll forget two months from now. But if you walk away without exchanging numbers you could have let your ego ruin a great opportunity.
If you want a man to have a reason to call you, talk about an action. Talking about an action creates a natural segue into a shared activity, the date. Ask him specific questions like:
- What were you doing before this?
- Where are you coming from?
- What are you doing after this?
- What are you making for dinner?
- Where do you usually do (yoga, softball, play chess, karaoke etc…)?
If you spend the conversation just chitchatting you’re wasting your time. You want to talk briefly but you mostly want to exchange numbers. That’s the goal.
When you’re flirting with a man and you want him to call you, he’s looking for any excuse he can find to do so. A man is more likely to call you to follow-up on something that was said in the conversation even if it was tentative plans to go on a date. If you can secure a date before you leave his presence, do so. Sometimes you have to imply a date. That’s okay too.
You must convey to this man that the only reason you’re talking to him is because you think he’s cute and you would like to go out sometime. If you have to use that exact line do it, it’s better to be rejected right there and then than to have any false hope.
You should have a goal, an intention and a means of turning your intention into reality. You shouldn’t talk to ANY man that you’re interested in without him feeling the same about you. You should NOT leave another conversation without giving a man your phone number and knowing with absolute certainty he’s going to call.
You should NEVER for one second, wonder what went wrong. The next time you talk to a man that you’re interested in, it should be successful and lead to a date.
You are capable of taking full control of your dating life; this is just one place to start. I hope this was helpful.