3 Truths About Being Single That You Never Knew

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If you’re at a point in your life where you can’t stand being single, then you’re not alone.

You want someone to share meals with, talk to, exchange affection and support you in ways that only a lover can. You want your plus one and no matter how many rationales you’ve come up with to make peace with your situation, it doesn’t change the fact that being single can suck.

For some it’s an awful experience while for others, like myself, it was an amazing opportunity to learn what I wanted in my love life.

 

But let’s assume that for you, as it stands right now, you’re over it. I can’t blame you.

We tend to look at being single as a death sentence or punishment for those who are too uncool to find anyone who can stand them, so not true. Nothing is wrong with you just because you’re single.

 

We can easily cast judgment against the people we consider weird, or losers but being single doesn’t mean that you’re either.

There are numerous ways to attract potential dates to you but until you learn the secrets of successful dating, you should at least understand the basics.

IT’S WITHIN YOUR CONTROL

No matter who you are, or what you look like, finding a partner is completely within your control. The moment you accept that truth is just the beginning. The more you open your mind to the reality that YOU make the choices and decisions of who you attract, the ball will be set into motion to lead you closer to your ideal partner. You can never attract the right person by playing the victim. You will never find real and lasting love without believing that you are the CHOOSER. It doesn’t happen overnight but you ARE in control.

 

Whether you accept that fact or not doesn’t change the reality of it. By accepting it you leave victim mode and empower yourself to make new choices in your behavior.

IT’S MEANT TO BE TEMPORARY

You will not be single forever. You should not want to be single forever. Even if you fail to get legally married, you should always seek companionship not because you need it but because we ALL have the need to express love.

 

It is within every person the will, want and desire to express love. It is an act that must be exercised to put meaning to life. If you are not expressing love as you were created to then you are living an insufficient life. While you can share love with family and friends unless you have wholly given your undivided love to these people, which most only do for children, you are still under utilizing your capacity to give love. Essentially you are selling yourself short. I’m neither being profound or dramatic but this is the same reason we get pets. You have to love something; it’s in your nature.

YOU WILL GET USED TO IT AND THAT’S BAD

The moment you get used to being single is the moment you’ve forfeited your right to share your love with another person.

If you don’t believe, in your core, that you’re truly awesome and worth the time, attention, affection, care and support a loving partner brings then accept being single.

 

When you accept being single as being permanent, not only will you become used to being alone, you’ll actually reject the possibility of meeting the right people without knowing it. If you get too used to not having the wonderful benefits of a loving partner it means that you have given up on what it really means to date.

 

All you have to do in life is connect with others. When you can find common ground and build relationships potential dates will emerge. A simple conversation at the grocery store or gas station can turn into the love of your life but only when you are open to it. You don’t have to be single. Several dating experts, myself included, have developed effective programs to get you a date and into a relationship.

 

These processes are designed to work and will yield results. Just like any goal in life getting into a relationship will only happen when you choose to do the work. You can’t control who you meet but you can influence how they respond to you. You are in complete control of how others see you and it’s your responsibility to be a great partner as well as to attract the right people. If you want to end your single status then empower yourself and take control.

 

I hope this was helpful.

 

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Miss Solomon

Founder at The Dating Truth
Dating and relationship expert. Lover of people. Relationship Coach and part-time stylist. Miss Solomon has a passion for writing about love, creating love strategies and mastering self- love.

31 thoughts on “3 Truths About Being Single That You Never Knew

  1. Why don’t you contact me about guest posting on each other’s blogs? It is proven to increase readers for both of us. My blog now has
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    John Wilder

  2. I didn’t find this very helpful, I hate it when sites essentially say being single is a choice. It isn’t. It takes two to tango and when you’re tired of being rejected and no one wants to “tango” then no single is not a choice. I used to have my heart open to it but I see no point now. Why bother when all you get is rejection? And yes I’ve looked everywhere, classes, rec leagues, out and about. How much time and money should one waste on (potentially) finding someone?

    1. Thank you for your comment. I will try to elaborate on this post to make it more insightful for you. Being single as any other state we are in, is a choice. It first starts with your mindset. If you don’t know what how to get into a relationship then its your responsibility to learn. There is a process. I have developed on and so has several other coaches and experts. If you want to find a loving and lasting relationship you need an effective strategy. You need to identify what works and what doesn’t and you need to make changes that create massive results. Doing this, taking on this process whether you work with a coach or not, is a choice. Finding love is a lot like finding a job a combination of luck, skill, action and information.

      1. This response did not correlate to the comment. I get what they are saying. Being single is not always a choice. Noone can make anyone be with them. Period. You can do everything right on this site and still be single. It’s not always a choice, sometimes it’s just sick fate some of us have to deal with. Everyone is not as lucky and blessed & favored as you. That’s just reality. I think a better solution for ppl like us is to tell us that we are okay & complete alone instead of telling us something is wrong with us just because the single life has been chosen for us. We all have a purpose and having a mate should not be the main one for everyone.

        1. Thank you for your comment and I appreciate your opinion but I disagree. Love is your right, a relationship is your right, having a relationship isn’t the choice that you make independently there are others choices that you make in your life that make a relationship possible. If we all have destinies then why should any of us participate in our lives at all if that’s how its going to be. I can tell you this as a cold hard fact: If you work with a reputable dating coach you will find love and a relationship. There is no coach that I know of that allow their clients to fail. Or allow their clients to end coaching without achieving their goal. If a person doesn’t want to be single they have numerous options as to getting into a relationship and one is enrolling in a reputable program. There is a lid for every pot and I whole heartedly believe that everyone is meant for a relationship if they want one.

          1. Then I think you should stop watching crap like Pretty Woman, Notting Hill or whatever romantic fantasy to choose. Life is a bitch and some of us do struggle to understand why we can’t have what comes so easily to most people. As we Brits say, stop talking such bollocks and come into the real world.

          2. Thank you for your comment but I have to disagree that there is a reality in dating. What is real to some people might be complete fantasy to others. Dating as in anything we want in life can be easy or it can be a struggle. Getting a dream job, achieving wealth or any goal comes from determination of the individual. Not luck. Love takes determination and expectation. We are the only thing standing in the way of finding love because it’s our right. That is my belief. I also believe that “you create your own reality”. I wouldn’t necessarily call dating easy or pleasant but it can be enjoyable at times and fruitful. You can find love and a happy relationship quickly and without effort but you have first believe in the possible. Just because something is hard to do, doesn’t mean you have to feel miserable doing it. Thanks again for reading and commenting.

    2. I’ve been single for a very long time and it has always been by choice. Women’s choice.
      Sometimes people try to tell me that I’m “too picky”, which doesn’t make any sense since I never had the opportunity to reject anyone. Seems like they are the picky ones, not me.

      1. Thank you for reading and for your comment. Being single by choice whether it feels like it or not can be resolved be deciding, above all else that you want a relationship. It isn’t easy just as being confident or secure isn’t easy but it’s worth putting the effort in. It might seem that others don’t have to work as hard but the truth that no one tells you is that many relationships fail. Its better to be single than to endure a better than nothing relationship which is what many people find themselves in. I believe that love is everyone’s right and that there is a lid for every pot, if you really want a relationship then use every resource available to you, including courses and coaches, to help you find one.

  3. Wow, NO being single is not a choice at all. That’s what people who are married and in long term relationships say to make single people feel even worse about being alone. I spend my nights crying, because I just want someone to share this life with, and to love and love me back. I just want to be held and have someone to hold. People who are in long term relationships or who have the ability to jump from one relationship to the next and have never spent a good amount of time being single have NO IDEA what if feels like to be alone. Especially around the holidays–as every holiday approaches when I’m single I absolutely dread them. YOU don’t get it. I’m a 32 year old male, in good shape, have money, a good personality, somewhat attractive and I’ve tried everything and nothing works. I did not choose this, thank you.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment. I sympathize with your situation but as someone who has worked with hundreds of singles I have never met one person who couldn’t make different choices everyday that would attract the right opportunities to build the relationship that they’ve always wanted. There is a solution to every problem we create in our lives. If you’re unhappily single and you’ve worked with a dating coach or matchmaker they would empower you with the same advice. You are in complete control over the results you get in your love life. That is the truth. You have tried everything except the one thing that works which might be changing your mindset from one of a victim to one of a architect to builds the life they want and know they deserve. I hope this was helpful. Wish you the best.

  4. I think it is hard for people who have much success with dating, relationships, etc. to believe that some people don’t have that same level of success. I don’t think this is a bad thing, it’s just that we only know our own experiences and what appears to be the norm. Most people seem to be able to get a date, relationship, etc. But most is not all. I know that we attract what we put out. But sometimes you can be a joyful, open, loving and self-respecting person and still attract no one. I used to believe that perhaps there was no guy for me. I no longer believe that ☺ However, I don’t believe that there are many men that are attracted to all of me. I’ve always been a little different from your average person, and know from experience that I’m definitely not most people’s cup of tea (whether we’re talking about romantic relationships, or just friends). I think sometimes remaining uber optimistic about attracting all these wonderful people into our lives can seem like a fairy tale to people like me, who may be deemed weird, awkward, nerdy, etc. by others. We don’t attract many people, because we are viewed as “different.” I think this is what some of the above commenters were saying. I don’t believe there is anything wrong with accepting that you may be single for a long time, if not all of your life, if this is the reality you are living. To me, being single is not bad. I still express and receive love. While I hope that there is someone for me, I am also accepting of the fact that I could continue to be single for a while. You cannot force others to like, love or want you. You cannot and should not want to. I will continue being and doing me, and if I never meet anyone that truly appreciates that then so be it.

    1. Thank you so much for your comment and for reading this post. You seem to have a great outlook and I agree with your point that not everyone will have success in dating. Where is disagree with you is that there aren’t several men out there for you. I believe that your desire is your destiny. Years ago before I started this blog, I felt the same way your described. I felt different. It was after much reading into some of the best self-help and psychology books that I realized that I had the power to attract anyone yes, anyone that I wanted. I recognized after much introspection that I was blocking my own success with self doubt. I was self-sabotaging. I was arguing for my own limitations. I believe that whether it is one person or many people, everyone has the power to attract their ideal relationships (romantic, friendship, etc). I believe that our desires manifest into our destinies. Not to discount the way that you feel because I know that it is valid. I would simply offer this advice. What if you could attract your ideal partner? What if you didn’t have to be single? What if, with a change of mindset and perspective, you could be in a relationship with your dream partner in 30 days? I dedicate my time and energy making this a reality for single men and women and I refuse to accept that there are exceptions. I am happy to work with anyone who feels that it is them. I believe that once you do the work, your lover will come. And the secret is, it’s not much work at all.

      1. People are a frade of not being good at something thay want in a relationship if you want an asexual relationship it should be easy if for some people if you have confidence.

  5. Since i am Not single by choice for a good man like me that really wanted a wife and family which it really sucks for me.

    1. Thank you for reading and for your comment. While I don’t know what you have been through I have to address one simple fact: if you have not done everything within your power to get into a relationship, to find this wife and to build this family then you are single by choice. Have you worked with a reputable coach? Dating coaches are available to help anyone and everyone find lasting love and there are some amazing coaches out there. Have you committed the intention to find love? Including meditation, journaling, visualization or law of attraction practices. I am NOT implying or assuming that you have not done these things. It’s possible you have but it has been my experience that once you commit to the process of finding love, and are vibrationally aligned with the love that you want, there is no way that love will not find you. If you are not convinced of this, I would be happy to speak with you further about the love you desire. Love is your right and you should not live without it. I wish you the best.

  6. And what really makes it very sad for many of us Good men out there is that Most women are really to Blame for this now that we have so many Career women making a very high salary that are so very high maintenance, independent, selfish, spoiled, selfish, greedy, picky, and so very money hungry which really speaks for itself why many of us men are still Single today since so many women nowadays really want the Best and will Never Ever settle for Less.

    1. Thank you for reading and for your comment. I think the best approach for any man who is looking for a partner is to learn to appreciate all women. Sure, there may be societal shifts in female behavior that you don’t agree with but there is good in everyone and in everything, if you’re willing to find it. If you don’t see the good then it’s ok to be neutral about it. Some women might fall under the description that you stated above, although I disagree but why focus on those women when they’re clearly not your match. That’s not what you’re looking for. It’s far easier and more productive to focus on what you do want rather than what you don’t want. I hope this was helpful.

      1. Nice article, provided good debate and after reviewing the comments of those that read it – it is not accurate end of.

        Overall, it’s a 2-D view of a 3-D issue. You need to understand what your writing about in a lot more depth.

        1. Thank you for your comment and I appreciate you reading. I would argue that I understand my personal opinion 1000% and while I’ve made a commitment to sharing what I believe and helping others in the way that I know how, it’s never going to be a one fit idea for everyone. But, if you have an idea or concept that could shed insights on dating, its important that you share them in a medium that works for you so that your voice can be heard to help others.

  7. I would just like to write an observation that many people are disagreeing with your point of view, myself included. And I don’t think it has to do with the fact that the people that agree with you are just not commenting. I think we would see a lot more comments about agreeing with you if they existed.

    1. Thank you for reading and for your comment. I do agree that there are many who seem to disagree with this post but the fact remains that being single is a result of choices. No one, and I offer anyone who disagrees to sign up to work with me, but no one who wants a relationship has to stay stuck without one. There is a way to take control of your love life and to find a partner that excites and delights you. Unfortunately, we see others finding love faster and we think that they have an innate quality that we are lacking but that is not true. There is nothing expressed in this article that I haven’t seen and experienced first hand in my own life and the life of my clients. Although it doesn’t resonate with every reader it remains to be true, and the reality for others. I believe 100% that we are not meant to be alone, love is our right and being single is not a permanent state. You don’t have to agree with that premise but you’ll find love faster if you do.

  8. Hello…

    So I am single, I get told I am very pretty and I am always cheerful, happy and very caring… I get what you say about changing your mindset, I’ve often struggled with low self esteem even tho I get plenty of compliments… But, you say be that person that attracts anyone, and I’ve in the past attracted men who I thought to myself
    I won the hot dude lottery, just to realise that HIS mindset wasn’t right, that HE thought I could do better, or that he didn’t feel good enough, and no amount of trying to convince him he is fab to me made him stay. So I do kind of agree with the other commenters. There is so much more to it, being single isn’t a choice, if it were that you could choose to not be single does that mean you can choose for those who are not in the right frame of mind to not be single as well? If you could attract any man/woman in 30 days if you have the right “mindset” then what if you attract someone that hasn’t got the right mindset? In which case why are we that are single not being swooped up and away by those who are in the right “mindset”…. Being single isn’t a choice. You need to get two willing people who wants to spend their entire life with you, and it’s not easy to find that someone special. Yeah sure you can go on plenty of dates, but finding and keeping and building a life together with someone to love and not just attract for a short while, it is not easy to find someone like that. Just my opinion.

    1. Thank you very much for your comment and I completely understand your sentiment. Yes, it can seem that because it takes two people to be in a relationship being single isn’t a choice but I believe it is a choice and here is why. You have the ability and OPTION, to do what it takes to get into a relationship as soon as tomorrow. You could develop a strategy for getting into a relationship including where you would meet men, how aggressive you would be, how many dates you would go on and when you would ask them for commitment. You could even create a vision board and meditate twice a day to call a relationship into your life. You could hire a dating coach, a matchmaker, or troll Facebook for eligible bachelors and message each one, everyday, until you found the right candidate. There are numerous actions that ANYONE could take to find a willing participant for a relationship, in less than 30 days even. We don’t do these things because they don’t feel “right”. They don’t feel natural. They don’t feel comfortable and because we believe that we shouldn’t have to. Other people didn’t find relationships this way, so why should we? If you believe that the right person is found, and not made, then you will NEVER find a relationship when you want one. If you believe as you say, “It’s not that easy to find someone special”, then you will never find a relationship when you want one. While I understand what you mean, consider this: everyone is special so just find someone who wants a relationship. While that might sound like settling, what settling actually is, is choosing NOT to be single over anything else. We may not like the language but the facts are clear. If you dated someone who wanted what you wanted and not just someone you thought was special, then you would probably be in a relationship. It is my belief, that no one has to be single if they don’t want to be, because there are so many actions that one can take to get into a relationship. It’s unbelievable to me, that anyone who wants a relationship isn’t in one! But we don’t take all of these actions because our self esteem tells us that we shouldn’t have to. We want to be the chooser, at the same time being chosen. We want someone that we respect and value, to see our value to the extent that they commit to us. It’s not about a relationship at all. It’s about feeling wanted and desired. If you want to prove to yourself that being single is in fact your choice, find anyone who wants a relationship and date them. Most single people won’t do this because it wouldn’t feel good and they might end up unhappy. I know that you want a certain kind of person. And I get that you’ve faced disappointments in the past, feeling like you had to convince those certain persons to want a relationship with you but the fact is, if you don’t want to be single, you don’t have to be. Work with a coach, if you can’t afford it- you can work with me for free. Commit to having a relationship, choose a date and work your way towards your goal. The work is hard but not impossible- it can even be fun. If you believe being single is out of your control you keep it that way. Feeling helpless does not mean the solution is out of your control. Just because the solution feels less than desired doesn’t mean there isn’t one. If you want to prove that being single is YOUR choice, just ask yourself what can I do today, that will get me into a relationship and when do I want a relationship by? Don’t look for the right person and say that you have no choice in being single, look for a relationship and see what happens. I know this doesn’t sound very romantic but the fact remains that if you want a certain person they might not want a relationship but if you want a relationship there are lots of people to choose from. That choice will always be yours.

  9. These articles make me so annoyed. I have tried everything to find someone and it has not worked. Online Dating, Law Of Attraction, not looking and focussing on myself and have always gotten no where.

    I have only had 2 real relationships. Last one was 6 years ago. Since then heaps of online dating which has only resulted in 1 or 2 dates and a few 3 monthers that I can count on 1 hand over the last 6 years. All so far, have not worked out.

    I find that everything else in my life, I am pretty happy with but when it comes to my love life, that is the one thing that is out of my hands.

    I have the worst luck when it comes to guys. I am 37 and never been married or had kids. I sometimes even wonder if someone has put a curse on my love life because it is pretty much non existent.

    Most guys I meet just want sex. No one I meet wants a relationship anymore.

    I see people around me all coupled up and married and wonder why they get to meet someone special and can’t seem to get there. Why them and not me? It is so frustrating. How do they get so lucky and I don’t. It’s not fair and I get so sad at times wondering if I will ever find anyone.

    It still surprises me that marriage is even possible in this day and age with the duds that I keep meeting. Sigh and I know that the only reason I am single is that I keep meeting the wrong men. Just wish I knew where my Mr Right is. Sigh.

    He sure is making me wait a while to find him. Will definitely appreciate what we have the minute I find him that is for sure.

    1. Thank you so much for reading and for your comment. I almost feel bad in sharing how much comments such as yours delights me because it’s the ones who have the most struggle that often find the biggest transformation. I understand where you’re coming from because I was in a similar situation but the difference I recognized is that I have choices. And with the right mindset I can create better choices and better choices. I learned, and teach, that it isn’t about luck it’s about actions and reactions. I know that you have tried many things but you have not tried everything because ANY dating coach will tell you that their clients get results. If you have worked with a coach, you know that there are so many options, and choices, out there for you. Whether you’ve read my work before, I’m glad that you landed on this page and that we connected. I’d love to speak with you and share with you a few ideas that I think could help you find the love that you deserve. This is FREE. I don’t work with clients to make money, I run this website for that. I work with clients because I am dedicated to help single men and women enjoy dating. If you’re skeptical. You can join my private Facebook group: facebook.com/groups/flirtlounge. You can read my ebooks, or you can go ahead and hop on a discovery session with me. The thing is, these are all choices. You can choose to believe that there is hope. (There is.) You can choose take advantage of what I’m offering you. Which I hope you do. And you can choose to take action. If you choose not to do any of the aforementioned, then you are choosing to remain single. I hope this was helpful.

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