Are you tired of being single?
How many times have you met a guy, had a decent interaction or even a great date then waited and waited for him to make the next move? Maybe the man you’re dating now is spending alot of time with you but won’t actually pull the trigger on commitment. How do you get into a relationship? Let a man pursue you.
Have you ever heard the saying: People want what they can’t have?
I see it alot in dating. When a woman meets a man who acts aloof or ambiguous about dating her he instantly becomes incredibly desirable. Instead of being patient and strategic in her dating most women become impatient and borderline desperate.
Even worse, they settle for treatment that is less than they deserve.
This post has been edited since it was originally published for two reasons.
1. I had more to say.
2. There was some confusion about the meaning of pursuit.
It is perfectly acceptable for a woman to show unequivocal interest in a man. She may flirt with him, ask for his number and even plan and pay for the date. I don’t know why a woman would want to do all of that but I am not discouraging it by any means.
What typically happens in dating is this: you meet a guy, he’s great and you want to be in a serious relationship with him but he’s dropping the ball. His behavior is unpredictable. He isn’t calling as much as he should, he isn’t being aggressive in the relationship and it almost seems like he’s avoiding commitment.
When a man shows disregard for the relationship is the point when women find themselves wondering, “What should I do?”
It’s a natural instinct in women to want to do something instead of just sitting back and enjoying the courtship and allowing themselves to be pursued. There are some women who aren’t sure what this would look like. They always text first, call first or initiate making plans because they are afraid if they don’t then plans won’t be made or they won’t hear from the guy they’re dating.
That sucks. If you’re dating a man who isn’t calling, texting or advancing the relationship then you’re just not dating the right guy.
Tell yourself that you’re only going to date men who pursue you. Why? Because you deserve it.
You should only date the men who approach you, call you, ask you on a date, follow-up with you, and then ask you out again. If you want to be more proactive and ask men out or hit on men then by all means do it. The women who pursue men either enjoy it, have control issues or are successful at it.
Approaching a man, making the first move or flirting isn’t the same as pursuing. I don’t believe women should ask men on dates and I don’t believe that a woman should call any man that she wants a serious relationship with. I will be real with you, 100%.
I’ve called men. I’ve asked men out. I’ve offered my name and number on a platter and made dating me the difficulty level of Candyland. I’ve gone on several dates where I pursued the man and after all that still didn’t end up with a boyfriend.
When you meet a man who is interested in dating you he will call you, he will ask you out and he will do so respectfully. Men may seem incapable of courtship but trust me, you don’t want a man that isn’t. You don’t want t man who doesn’t recognize how special you. You don’t want a man so paralyzed by his own insecurity that he can’t call you or text for you a date. You don’t want a man who doesn’t have the awareness or sensibility to pursue a high quality woman such as yourself.
Dating is one thing but getting a relationship starts with first choosing a man who wants to be in one. There is no amount of pursuit or cajoling you can offer that will get a man into a relationship who doesn’t want to be in one. Even if you are successful it’s a ton of work and the relationship will probably suck.
Why would you want to work that hard to get a man to be with you? Women have to chill with the idea that dating is so complicated and scary that we need to make it easy on men by doing all or most of the pursuing, inviting and initiating.
Stop making excuses for a courtship that is bullshit.
This idea might sound old-fashioned but consider this. We all have our personal version of what dating looks like. If you’re taking the reigns from the man then you’re missing out on a key part of his personality. A man will show you who he is by how he dates you and communicates with you. If you aggressively pursue him then you run the risk of never seeing that side of him.
My point is this: There is nothing wrong with letting a man pursue you. Not only are you worth it, men are happy to do it because you value his efforts. Men are excited and proud to be with a woman who has let him be himself. It takes patience to allow a man to date you the way he feels comfortable with and some women just don’t have the patience to do it.
When it comes to having a relationship there is a difference between being aggressive and doing all of the work. You can meet a man halfway but don’t let the man you’re dating get away with being lazy. This isn’t unusual. My fear is that if a woman wants a relationship badly enough she will settle for less than she deserves.
Even when you know it doesn’t feel right, and that you would appreciate more effort on his part, you don’t speak up because you don’t want to chase him. That’s is no way to spend your life.
If a man doesn’t want to do what you require in order for him to date you then he might not be the man for you and that’s ok. Think of the time you’ll save yourself by letting the behavior speak for itself. I suggest, when it comes to relationships, to let the man take the lead. Let the man you’re dating show you who he is and if he’s ready for commitment. If he doesn’t value you enough to do what it takes to keep you happy then do yourself a favor and walk away. I hope this was helpful.