I often talk about successful dating. That’s when what happens in your love life is what you intended to happen. You meet a potential date, you want to be asked out, and then you are. You have a great first date and you’re asked on a second date, bam… success. You meet someone you like and they like you back.
Successful dating is ultimately things going your way. It’s the benefit of having choice and understanding that you are in control of yourself even when you can’t control the circumstances.
Being successful at dating simply means having confidence that things will turnout, as you want them to. I can tell you why, up until now, you haven’t been successful at dating:
- You lack confidence
- You lack a vision
So obviously, the solution would be to get some of both, right? Easier said than done. Lacking confidence is common. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love yourself, or that you’re depressed. It only means you might not have as much conviction as you need to tackle new experiences. Let’s say you meet a potential date at the grocery store. They’re really cute and they’re flirting with you. Let’s say that they’re tossing out hints left and right that they’d like to go out with you, so obviously they need some contact info but you aren’t getting the message.
This is where you need confidence. In the past, its likely that when good-looking people were talking to you, it never dawned on you that they wanted to date you, so you have little experience with picking up flirtation cues. Its new terrain and you feel uncertain of what you should do. You don’t seize the moment and all of sudden the opportunity is lost. You wanted to go out with this person but you didn’t think they felt the same. This is where vision is needed. If you’re single, you want dates. There is no if and or buts about it. If you don’t want dates then you’re weird. Yeah, I said it. You aren’t going to go from single to married without dating. It might happen on this earth but it likely won’t happen to you.
You have to decide that you want great dates with good-looking people. That’s your vision. When you see a good-looking person, and you want dates with good-looking people, it’s your JOB to land a date with them. When I first started dating successfully I had a vision that I wanted to wear every cute shoe in my closet and I wanted free meals. Not very ambitious I know but that’s what I wanted.
I made it a point to commit to this vision, so if someone I wasn’t that attracted to or found all that interested in was willing to take me on a dinner, I went. It might be safe to assume that you’re far less shallow.
You want to find a partner. You really want a relationship and you want to settle down. So what is your vision? What do you see happening?
My vision evolved after multiple five-star cuisines. I decided that I wanted the best look, in the room to talk to me anywhere I went. That meant the most important man, whether he was wealthy, powerful, and handsome or just buying up the bar for the night, he was going to talk to me. I’m not saying that my vision was profound but I knew what I wanted and I was committed to getting it. So everything I did was centered on making my vision a reality.
So what do you want out of your dating life?
Is it for every date to lead to a second date, is it to have every pretty woman give you her number and every guy take you to dinner? What? Maybe you just want a kind, funny, attractive person to say hello? If that’s your vision you should say hello to every attractive person you see and when they say hello to you, find out if they’re kind and funny. This leads us to why confidence is such an integral part of executing our vision. Confidence allows you to believe that potential dates want to go out with you. They want what you want. All you’re doing is accepting the invitation or inviting the courtship.
You have to acknowledge whether you have confidence or not and if you don’t have it, why not? What happened that created self-doubt in your life? Or should I ask who created self-doubt in your life? You have to know and accept that potential dates want you. (You’re standards are not that high.) Unfortunately we psych ourselves out and live as if the people we like are doing us a favor by dating us. Or worse charity!
We just don’t think we deserve to be pursued, sought after or desired. That’s just wrong! When you know what you want, it will enter your life. The biggest challenge will be accepting it with open arms and confidence. Thoughts?
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