I was recently on Twitter and caught the timeline of a respected blogging expert I follow. She happened to be on the topic of relationships and was sharing her insight on honesty. She mentioned the importance of being upfront and honest about what you want from your relationships, which is why she always lets men know that she isn’t interested in kids or marriage.
At this same moment on Twitter, a friend of mine sent me the link of an article that contained the following:
“… We do the same thing with careers. We write about what WE want in a job…how WE want a flexible schedule, how WE need to make $X, how WE want to work from home on Fridays.
I call this “I, I, I Syndrome,” because average people spend so much time thinking about what they want…that they NEVER pay attention to what the hiring manager wants!”
I don’t doubt that single men and women have a good idea of what the opposite sex wants.
This is why we’re often telling ourselves, that we’re not it. Despite the hurdle of inadequate self-esteem, have you ever stopped to think about what the people you’re interested in dating are actually looking for? What’s the most important thing that you should know about the person you’re dating? What they’re looking for. Not just good looks, job security and popularity but what they really want. And have you thought about if you can offer it?
The first thought that came to mind when I read that this blogger was actively telling dates she didn’t want marriage or relationships, is what made her think he wanted that and with her.
I’m all for honesty in dating but you shouldn’t have a list of your wants waiting to be met by someone else.
As singles we’re all too concerned with the cliché notion of time-wasting. I believe there are some men and women who will waste your precious dating time. They will lead you down a rabbit hole of hopes, dreams and promises aka lies until you wise up.
You will find yourself on a slippery slope of time wasted, and lessons learned leading you to be cautious and fearful of playing the same mean trick on someone else.
We wish so hard that the other person would have ‘told us from the beginning’ what they wanted. This can lead singles to over share or share too soon, their wants, and future plans.
If you don’t want kids, a relationship, or marriage etc… you should keep that to yourself until asked. It might sound unnatural but what really matters in dating is who you’re with. If the subject of marriage, children, relocation or cohabitation comes up, and you like your date, don’t be afraid to inquire, “What matters more, that choice or being with me?”
It isn’t such a bad idea to ask yourself that question regardless.
Are you willing to have a baby, when you don’t want children, with the right man or woman? Are you willing to be married to someone or spend your life without them?
Look, there are lots of things we can say we don’t want when we don’t have the means of getting them. Of course if you’re 30 or past, and have no prospects in the procreation area, it’s easy to forgo the desire for having kids.
But what if you met someone special?
I find that many singles, myself included, just don’t think they’ll meet anyone worth changing their minds for. That’s sad. Don’t think that way. Tell yourself, even though you’ve never wanted marriage, children or commitment before, you can’t wait to meet the man or woman who’ll change your mind.
I believe when you meet the right person for you, they’ll want what you want or you’ll be flexible because they’ll mean that much to you.
I don’t want you to miss out on potential dates because you look at changing your mind as something negative. They’ll change your life, surely that’s worth the reconsideration.