How To Date Who You Really Want To Date

dating advice- the first date
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I dated a guy a long time ago that was ridiculously money conscious.

Even when he wasn’t paying, all he could think about was the bill, the tip, the cost in total and it was extremely frustrating. Finally I asked my father for advice about what I should do in my situation and my dad, simply said, “It’s not about how much the food costs, it only matters what you want to eat.”

So let me ask you this, “What do you want to eat?”

Focusing on what you want is important. Don’t set limits on yourself.

Like my ex-boyfriend, you’re probably limiting your options based on what you don’t have. You’re only thinking about your lack and limitations instead of what you truly want out of your love life. Don’t focus on what you can afford, focus on what you feel like eating. It’s a metaphor but it has true meaning.

So what do you want? I’m sure you’ve thought about. Sometimes we’re good at naming and claiming what we want, especially when it comes to superficial things. We’ve all shopped with the idea of what shoe, wallet, phone, etc that we wanted to purchase or needed to have. We usually don’t think twice about what we’re truly after and usually don’t end our search until it proves successful.

Dating seems to be an area of our lives where we’re afraid to admit what we truly want. Even though we realize that without naming it, we can’t claim it.

Many times in our lives, we’re decisive and speak concisely on what we intend on having. Even though it works, we only do it once in awhile. So why don’t we admit to what we want in dating?

We would rather spend our time defending against the undesirable outcomes than admit what we truly want.

Dating makes us afraid. There was a time when you dared to want something and someone probably broke your heart. You’ve been hurt in the past so you know what you don’t want and you work tirelessly to avoid it but you never quite pursue what it is that you do want.

How often do we state what we don’t want?

  • I don’t want to spend a lot of money.
  • I don’t want to waste my time.
  • I don’t want to be hurt.
  • I don’t want to stand in line.

Here’s a little experiment, count how many times the people around you, yourself included, starts a sentence with the words, “I Don’t.”

Imagine changing the script and claiming what you’d rather have instead. Be more discerning with your language when it comes to declarations and make sure you’re telling the world what you want and like instead of what you hate and hope to avoid. Is it possible for you to make affirming statements in like the following…

  • I want someone who isn’t demanding.
  • I want someone who isn’t selfish.
  • I want to be happy in my relationship.
  • I want a good-looking partner.
  • I want to be appreciated.

Life can turn us into negative and cynical people. I know you want to avoid the negative feelings that come with dating but they can only be avoided by ignoring them altogether. Whether you’re searching for, or attracting the right person to you, be clear on what you really do want when it comes to dating and relationships.

In my twenties all I wanted to do was wear my shoes and have enough dates to utilize my entire closet of footwear at least once or twice a week. I wanted to go on dates and dates and more dates. I decided that I wanted to meet more men and I did that.

The surprising thing about asking for what you want is that you usually get what you ask for. Don’t focus on not wanting to be rejected or other unfortunate circumstances, declare what you do want.

It’s time to be clear. It’s time to stay focused. It’s time to forget what you’re afraid of and make the choice to go after what you really want. The luxury of never being clear on who you want to date is having the option to settle when you feel like it.

If someone isn’t the best choice for us, we’re relieved that we didn’t make any such definitive statements or wait for someone better to come along, or just leave things up to chance. We can accept less than what we want by never claiming what we want in the first place.

Another don’t want ideal. You don’t want to end up with the wrong person, do you?

Forget that concept and admit, ‘I want to date the right person.’ ‘I want to make someone happy.’ ‘I want to be the best thing that’s ever happened to them.’

I could go on with all the things that you should want but the idea is, to stop being scared.

Stop sitting at the best restaurants and ordering soup and a small plates because you’re afraid. Stop ordering the chicken when you really want the steak. Stop living with limits out of fear that what you want you can’t have. Gain the courage to create your own experiences based on what you truly deserve, and what is right for you.

I hope this was helpful.

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Miss Solomon

Miss Solomon

Founder at The Dating Truth
Dating expert. Marketing aficionado. Lover of people. Miss Solomon has a passion for writing about love, creating love strategies and mastering self- love. She's the founder of this site.
Miss Solomon

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