The Dating Truth

I spent last night skimming through the chapters of ‘50 Shades of Grey’ a new fiction trilogy that’s getting lots of buzz and great reviews. The main character Christian Grey has an almost unnatural sex appeal that the books heroine, if I should call her that, can’t explain or resist.

This young woman finds herself doing things she’s never done before or imagined herself doing, all the while engulfed and aroused by his magnetism.

In the author’s white world the female character is “hypnotized” in the real world she’s ‘dickmatized’.

I was a late bloomer but I have always known that sexual desire makes men and women do things they would never imagine themselves being driven to do. Not in a million years. The problem with sexual desires and lust, is that it’s often masked or misinterpreted. You know how people say they’re hungry but they’re probably just thirsty?

Singles who haven’t learned to master their sexual desires find themselves confused in the dating world and driven by lust instead of like. I have nothing against sex and I am in no way a sex expert, but I do know that men and women grossly misunderstand sexual desire.

It has always been the assumption that women mistake sex for love, ‘50 Shades of Grey’ does not help to dispel this theory. It could be close to the truth. They don’t call it ‘dickmatized’ for no reason.

But men also have the habit of being driven by lust and doing things for women not out of love but out of hopes of getting laid.

It’s not as black and white as: men are after sex and women shouldn’t have it because they will lose their senses. What I’m getting at is the truth many singles want to deny, you are horny.

I’m not going to try to discern those who have sex from those who don’t. If you’ve had sex before, if you enjoy having sex and you aren’t having it, chances are likely that you will be horny.

Not because you’re a freak but all animals are built with a desire to procreate. If you want to exercise your free will to fight it, do so but don’t deny its existence all together.

Pheromones remind us that we desire sex the same way fresh-baked cookies remind us that we LOVE sugar.

But it’s not just about sex. Regardless of your willpower if someone you like is showing you attention, or in close proximity to you, you may get aroused without your body giving you any for warning.

You have one great date with someone and you like them, a lot. You want to spend more time with them and you pursue them.

This is when sexual desire, desperation and downright hornyness can cloud one’ s judgment.

I’m going to be honest (I always am) when you fall on the side of the fence of the desired, you can tell a horny, lustful and act of desperation from a mile away. There are few desirable and attractive persons who can’t tell when they arouse someone else.

You want them and they know it.

Simply: Sexy people know when you want to have sex with them. They know that you are under their spell and they can use this to their advantage.

All the while you’re thinking, ‘I like this person SO much’ when in actuality you have a sexual desire for them that is overwhelming and driving your actions, and you don’t even realize it.

I’ve dated men who I liked, but once we had sex it became apparent that their actions were heavily motivated by the chance to have sex again. They “entertained” me sure, but their actions were motivated by lust and I could tell. It was a turn off.

My suggestion to anyone who feels an incredible attraction to someone or claims they like someone a lot: do NOT have sex with this person. Have sex with other people.

Oh wait you can’t.

It has been my experience that when men and women find willing sexual partners they cling to them. If you have a relationship that you feel has promise, I do recommend holding off on sex.

If you find it difficult to find others who want to have sex with you, I suggest you take this opportunity to explore why. You can’t fake sexual attraction; your body will react when it is aroused. Don’t let your desire be the driving force in your dating life.

Thoughts.