You Don’t Have To Do Anything Just Be Present

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Are you good at flirting? How about relationships? What about dating? Is that your forte?

I used to fall into the bad habit of thinking of my past and my future but never my present.

Visualizing the things you want, people you want to meet and your expectations for who you would like to be is great but we can’t forget we’re not there yet.

Dating is awesome.

Many singles can’t accept that because they’re living in the future. They are too busy worrying about who this person will be in their lives and what this courtship will lead to instead of enjoying the experience they are in right then.

We spend our mental energy dissecting the date, finding hidden meanings that apply to our future.

He ordered for me, he’s caring, that means he’ll be a good farther.

She unlocked my door, she’s thoughtful, that means she’ll take care of me when I’m sick.

She was cool with splitting the check, she’s generous, that means she won’t take all my hard earned money and so on.

Our thought process for assessment applies every action to the future. Stop. Live in the present. Enjoy the moment your in. If you can’t then you have two choices, get out of it physically or re-frame it mentally.

Anyone who believes that flirting leads people on isn’t living in the present. Anyone who won’t accept dates because they believe they would never marry a woman or man ‘like that’ isn’t living in the present. Anyone waiting until they are richer, thinner, or better than they are now before they submit to love is NOT living in the present.

It’s natural to want to let our mind project. We come to conclusions to help us make decisions. We assume where our choices will lead us and for the most part this is an asset in life.

In dating, however, you don’t always have to do that because (hold tight to your ego): it’s not up to you.

Gasp, sigh, swoon! Yes, everything that happens in life isn’t up to you. I know shocking right? I felt the same way. Dating made me want to control everything even more because these are my emotions we’re talking about.

As difficult as it was for me to accept, I had to subscribe to the fact that I can’t control the future. I can’t even predict it. I have to make the best decisions at the time based on the present. Based on the facts at hand in that moment.

I came to realize that life, as it is right now, is awesome even if I don’t have everything that I want.

I’m grateful. So how can you always be sure that you are living in the present when it comes to your love life?

Stop making interpretations. Everything doesn’t always mean something and just because it does that doesn’t mean you’ll know what it is.

You’re not a mind reader. You’ll never know what people will think as a result of your actions. If you have sex, if you buy someone a drink, if you touch their arm as you flirt, you can’t predict what someone else will think. Do or don’t do it but don’t assume you’ll know how it will be perceived.

Check your mindset. Check in with yourself. How do you feel in this moment with this person? Don’t think any further than in that moment.

Give up control. You have to believe that you can handle whatever happens. Life is full of unexpected moments, you can’t prepare for them all so stop trying.

We worry, we stress, we project, we fantasize etc. just about anything to avoid our present. We spend so much time thinking of what’s to come that we forget to enjoy what we have now.

In dating I suggest you look no further than into the eyes of who you’re with. I recommend you make the conscious choice to experience and appreciate the now. What are you doing right now? Engage in this moment. Welcome it.

Thoughts?

 

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Miss Solomon

Founder at The Dating Truth
Dating and relationship expert. Lover of people. Relationship Coach and part-time stylist. Miss Solomon has a passion for writing about love, creating love strategies and mastering self- love.