Most people feel bound in dating. Instead of doing what they want, they do what they feel they should. These kinds of singles are typically deemed “Nice” and essentially are rarely successful. I want to break the news to you that you are doing what you want to do in dating.
The problem is, you aren’t clear about why you’re actually doing it.
At some point in your life someone told you couldn’t do something you wanted to do. As children our behavior, for the most part, is heavily policed.
We are placed on schedules and trained by rules that partly keep us safe and partly controlled. While we are seemingly free, the memes of what we should or shouldn’t do weigh heavily on us.
Whether through religion or our parental discipline, many adults, for most of their lives, are bound by rules that have scared them straight. Living by the concepts of what’s socially acceptable, what is fair, what is right etc. constricts us well into adulthood.
Fast forward to now.
There are two distinct barriers that prevent most singles and people in general from success. 1. They don’t do what they know they should and 2. They do what they know they shouldn’t.
What is right and what is acceptable varies from person to person. Some people have no qualms about eating a sleeve of Oreos while others have no desire to (raises hand). Some people feel it’s wrong to drink alcohol while others drink and wish that they didn’t.
What do you want to do and what do you think you should do?
The answers to these questions could be the solution to your dating life.
Consider this scenario: You see a good-looking stranger and you want to speak to them. You know you should say hello but you can’t seem to work up the nerve. What do you think you should do? Talk to them of course, what do you want to do? Avoid rejection.
What about this: You’ve been dating someone for two weeks and suddenly they aren’t returning your calls. What should you do? Probably leave them alone until you hear from them. What do you want to do; blow up their cell like a stalker.
There is a hesitation between doing what we want and what we know we should. For many singles we only feel liberated to do what we want when it’s socially unacceptable.
We empower ourselves to sit outside a lovers house. We empower ourselves to go through someone’s phone. We empower ourselves to cuss someone out for not being considerate of our feelings but we don’t empower ourselves to leave this person alone.
We don’t empower ourselves to be free of the person who causes us so much anxiety in the first place. We don’t empower ourselves to even feel powerful in dating! Why is that?
You have choices, my friend. The best way to begin to allow yourself to do what you want to do in dating, is to ask yourself why you want to do it?
What results are you after and how likely is it your actions will get you there. Stop believing that you can’t do what you want to do. Yes, you can and chances are you already permit yourself that luxury. The question to answer is: Will what I want to do, get me closer to my goal?
Now, if you aren’t sure what your dating goals are, that’s a post for another day.