There are two concepts in dating that women tend to adopt that I think suck, dating like a man and thinking like a man. Long ago, someone was watching ‘Sex and the City’ and a light bulb went off in their mind, when Samantha suggested women should ‘date like a man’.
It was only a few years ago that Steve Harvey suggested that women, ‘Think Like A Man…’ False.
I’m a woman and darn proud of it. I know don’t think that men have any better luck in dating than women do. There is an illusion that the men are in control but your first mistake if you’re a woman is buying into that myth.
Fact: you are in control of your dating life. If it’s in ruins, it’s your fault. It doesn’t have anything to do with your gender but everything to do with your perception.
The problem with women who adopt this ‘think like a man’ mentality is that they attribute emotions, drama, insecurity and jealousy as traits only women have. Which couldn’t be farther from the truth.
If you find yourself at a lack for female friends, comfortable in strip clubs and other male dominated establishments, acting like you enjoy sex ‘no-strings attached’ and often telling men that you aren’t looking for a relationship, you are the type of woman I am talking to.
I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with liking strip clubs; sex or not wanting a relationship but dating is a game. You can tell yourself that you don’t want to play games but who are you to buck the system?
If you aren’t one to be playing games in dating, fine. Bye.
But the human brain doesn’t allow for the naked truth. Do you think Oreo can print on their label how fattening and unhealthy their little chocolate cookie is but say by the ways it’s delicious?
No, Oreo spends a lot of money to appear as if they’re somewhat reasonably edible, no trans fats, it claims.
When I hear a woman say she doesn’t get along with other women, speak explicitly about sex and pal around with her male friends as if she’s one of the boys, I feel sorry for her. I have been there done that.
I don’t want to make this a spiel about what I think you shouldn’t do or what you’re doing wrong. I want to tell you what I think will work.
- Be a woman. Whether it matters to you if a man pays, if he opens your door, or if you go to a strip club or an Applebee’s, make it matter. You are not this man’s boy. He can split checks with his boys and go to the club with his boys but what he does with you has to be exclusively with you. The reason we continue to date certain people and not others is because of how we feel when we are with that person. Men don’t mind women that require effort because it makes them feel good to be rewarded.
Every man likes to hear, ‘Thank You,’ ‘That is so sweet,’ and other phrases of gratitude which are hard to express if you never request he do anything.
You are not one of the boys. Don’t let a man talk to you, treat you or kick it with you as if you are. Let me tell you this, the other women he’s seeing I guarantee you will remind him the difference. You are competing with them, not with his friends.
- Get some girlfriends and a life while you’re at it. When I was younger I was shocked when the girlfriends of my male friends didn’t want to be friends with me. To this day I still feel slighted when other women don’t meet me with warmth. It took me years to realize that some women are negative and jealous.
The same women that act like they have it together are incredibly insecure and are sometimes threatened by another woman’s confidence.
Women need relationships with women. If only to prove that you can get along with other women. Strong positive female bonds create balance in dating. Women offer outlooks and insights that men don’t.
Male friends are wonderful; don’t get me wrong but the man you’re dating wants to see himself as the only man you’ll turn to if you need something or have a problem.
- Want a relationship, what the f*ck is wrong with you. I dated a lot in my 20s and while I wasn’t specifically seeking out relationships, subconsciously running from them, I never not wanted one.
Who doesn’t want to be in a healthy, happy committed relationship, you’re a fool. The ability to express honestly that you would love to be in a relationship if the right circumstances came along is imperative. Don’t act like you don’t want a relationship unless you don’t want a relationship because you will not get a relationship.
This idea that only women want relationships is beyond ridiculous. Men want relationships as much as women do and guess what, they’re in as many as women are, so there. Of course you want a relationship, its beneficial.
Monogamy might not be natural but wanting security is, so it’s a tradeoff that many of us in western society are willing to make. But if you sell yourself short and let a man off the hook by allowing everything he likes sans commitment, you’re a dummy. No offense.
There is nothing wrong with being a woman, thinking and dating like one. If you have a negative perception of women, it’s really just a reflection of how you feel about yourself. No matter your definition of being a woman, I want you to embrace it. Enjoy it.
Never think you need to act like a man. You only need to be in control of yourself.